Wedding vows, Not mine..

Raider Bill · June 03, 2019, 11:42:54 AM

I've been tasked with performing a wedding.
Funny picking me!
It will be non religious.
I'm looking to put together some vows that will be a bit off the normal and humorous.
Any suggestions or ideas?
The couple have both been married before and have a 12 year old Son together.
They live in the mountains of Tenn. and are not related.
Any good lines?

doc henderson · June 03, 2019, 11:48:33 AM

every state has another state we pick on. when we refer to Arkansas pronounced "arc un saw" not "are Kansas", We like the saying, "so many people, so few teeth". prob. not good at a wedding but I will keep thinking. I know, glass houses. My apologies to the great FF members from Arkansas. :D

Old Greenhorn · June 03, 2019, 12:06:00 PM

Quote from: Raider Bill on June 03, 2019, 11:42:54 AM
.......

They live in the mountains of Tenn. and are not related.
Any good lines?

The fact that you felt the need to mention this particular detail made me smile. ;D :D
Any lines? Yeah, but....it will be late at night by the time I finish reviewing the list of folks whose feelings I might hurt, so bette ;Dr to just shut up and see what more creative folks might offer.

WV Sawmiller · June 03, 2019, 12:24:33 PM

Congratulations. I trust everything will go off without a hitch - well if it does it won't be much of a wedding will it? :D

If you can add some of the couples hobbies, likes and dislikes, phobias, etc. we might have some ammo to work with.

You might make some joke about why they picked you. Only one not on house arrest. Only one they did not owe money to. Only one who did not know them well enough to turn them down, etc. Good luck.

Raider Bill · June 03, 2019, 03:20:19 PM

Quote from: WV Sawmiller on June 03, 2019, 12:24:33 PM
Congratulations. I trust everything will go off without a hitch - well if it does it won't be much of a wedding will it? :D

If you can add some of the couples hobbies, likes and dislikes, phobias, etc. we might have some ammo to work with.

You might make some joke about why they picked you. Only one not on house arrest. Only one they did not owe money to. Only one who did not know them well enough to turn them down, etc. Good luck.

I thought they were going with a local preacher but somehow I got picked. I don't understand their thinking given my marital tack record. I'm also cooking the reception dinner.
He's a millwright, she's a stay at home raising the kids. They are great parents both having come from crazy land themselves. They strive real hard to teach the kids respect and values.
Here's a few suggestions I've got so far,

Couple suggestions I got have been

Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing.

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

I promise to take out the garbage, even in the pouring rain or freezing cold.

I promise to turn on the air conditioning when you are hot, even if I am totally freezing.

I take you to be my lawfully wedded husband, in sickness and in health, until death do we part or you turn into a zombie.

Texas Ranger · June 03, 2019, 03:29:31 PM

Google

30 Funny Wedding Vows for Him or Her

21 Honest Marriage Vows That Couples Should Actually Make | HuffPost Life

Texas Ranger · June 03, 2019, 03:31:30 PM

Preacher: does you take him

Bride: I does.

Preacher: does you take her

Groom: I does

Preacher: You is, open the 'shine.

Holmes · June 03, 2019, 07:05:31 PM

How about "Love, honor, and obey" Probably should say it to the groom

Raider Bill · June 04, 2019, 08:06:20 AM

Quote from: Texas Ranger on June 03, 2019, 03:31:30 PM
Preacher: does you take him

Bride: I does.

Preacher: does you take her

Groom: I does

Preacher: You is, open the 'shine.

I can pretty much guarantee there will be shine. It's the holy water of the mountains.

Roxie · June 04, 2019, 08:27:51 AM

Quote from: Raider Bill on June 03, 2019, 03:20:19 PMAny married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing.

I love them all, but that's my favorite.

Raider Bill · June 04, 2019, 09:32:08 AM

I need to figure old some kind or flow or order for the ceremony.
I suppose starting out "dearly beloved" is a good start.

Peter Drouin · June 04, 2019, 06:10:36 PM

Or, hay you-yall time for the hitching. ;)

doc henderson · June 04, 2019, 09:43:24 PM

introduction, funny opening story/attention getter, more serious real world down to earth based on your years of experience and presumed numerous marriages, :D, vows if they want, final story/advice, presentation of the new couple..

there was a couple who had been married 50 years and at the celebration of their anniversary, the man who rarely spoke, tapped on his glass. He said i will tell you all the secret of our success. he said on our wedding day, I sat my wife down and told her exactly how it was going to be. i told her she could make all the minor decisions and i would make all the major decisions... and after 50 years, there has not been one major decision to make yet!!!

doc henderson · June 05, 2019, 10:36:05 AM

The prev. story makes the women happy. Now I have a tru "story" for the men. There used to be a couple near Hutchinson, Ed and Edna Edwards. Ed had been in the military and traveled the world. Upon his return, he married the first girl he kissed, as it was back in the day. They raised a family and Ed worked hard as a laborer, Edna maintained the home including the finances. Every year as a treat they would attend the Kansas state fair, hosted in Hutchinson. As they would enter the fairgrounds each year, there was a helicopter and pilot offering 1/2 hour helicopter rides for $50. Ed always wanted to do this but Edna said no it is too expensive, we do not have that kind of money, "50 dollars is 50 dollars. So after a few years the pilot could not take the bickering so he made them an offer. I will take you for a free helicopter ride, but neither of you can say 1 word or the ride will be $50. They agreed and flew all around our town, and not one word. the pilot began to worry as he was counting on someone saying something, so he started doing some manoeuvers such as steep dives and turns. finally after over an hour, the pilot landed and turned to ED and asked, "I though surely someone would say something!" Ed replied, " I almost said something when Edna fell out, but 50 dollars is 50 dollars"

Raider Bill · June 05, 2019, 10:44:12 AM

I suppose I should have paid better attention during my prior wedding ceremonies but I was either in shock, denial or slightly intoxicated. :D :D :D :D

doc henderson · June 05, 2019, 10:45:50 AM

or poss. all of the above!!! 8)

;D :D ;)

best regards. are their any requirements by the state? Are you ordained?

Raider Bill · June 05, 2019, 12:11:26 PM

Ordained.....

by the church of what's happening now!

doc henderson · June 05, 2019, 02:04:57 PM

funny thing, my son and I got an invitation to go on a flight with a local air ambulance crew!!! if they tell us not to talk, i am not getting in. :D :D :D

Al_Smith · June 05, 2019, 03:05:02 PM

For what's worth they took obey out of it decades ago .Love, honor and cherish remained as far as I know.
I've been down that isle twice ,first ended in divorce second in death .At my age it's out of the question .Besides that her last name is Smith already.At 71 years old the odds of her getting in the family way aren't real great . ;)

doc henderson · June 05, 2019, 11:15:38 PM

for what it is worth, my son decided not to fly so my daughter Monique whet with me. flew from the hospital over our house, to Monique's college she just graduated from, and right past the very fairground that Ed and Edna Edwards used to go to.

WV Sawmiller · June 06, 2019, 09:31:59 AM

Very pretty daughter. I'm glad she got her looks from her mom. :D We have a good friend in Greenville NC who is an ER doc down there and she does a lot of work with the flight crews getting and keeping them and the hospital certified and up to speed on all the applicable regs.

doc henderson · June 06, 2019, 10:57:48 AM

Thanks WV, yes she is a bit of a Daddy's girl, and I wouldn't have it any other way. My son really did not know what to expect and at the last minute bailed, and she jumped in to bail him out. She helps out at home and I do not think she could lie to save her own life.

petefrom bearswamp · June 06, 2019, 06:05:33 PM

Dont have any suggestions on this.
Been married twice
Ignored the vows the first time
Wont make that mistake this time around Cause I like my (mostly gone) manhood
Bill You deserve some cheese for doing this.
PM me your Address again and I'll send a small amount gratis.

Hilltop366 · June 06, 2019, 09:05:30 PM

When the bride says "I do" you say "really?" then shrug your shoulders and say "Ok" and continue on....

Raider Bill · June 10, 2019, 08:15:55 AM

Good news and bad..

The good news is they have decided to write their own vows so all I have to do is "guide" the event.
The bad news is that due to a new law in Tenn. we have to do this on or before the 30th of June instead of 4th of July so I have less time to come up with proper attire.