Attention new sawyers,

[pineywoods]

Several posts about new sawyers bringing home new, or new to them, bandmills. Great, welcome to the world of sawdust in your pockets. BUT, there is a downside that neither the manufacturers nor the previous owners will make much effort to inform you about. Every sawmill comes with an infestation of invisible magic gremlins. You won't ever see them, but you will become very familiar with their handiwork.. They take great pleasure in causing angst and gnashing of teeth.  Examples
1..While you are looking the other way, they will raise the backstops just               enough to allow contact with a moving blade
2..While you are offbearing a board, they will raise a log clamp high enough to hit the blade, even though there was 2 inches of clearance on the previous cut.
3..Roll a log off the backside of the mill, even though you are certain the backstops were up.
4..Start the bandwheels to spinning when you try to back the blade out of a cut, causing the blade to jump off the wheels.
5..Magicaly insert one or more 20 penny spikes inside a log that prevously had no metal in. The gremlins seem to enjoy the zzinging sound that results. They frequently do this after you are halfway through a log and have just mounted a new blade.
6..After you have carefully measured a large log and ascertained that the guide rollers will barely clear, The log will swell at least 2 inches about halfway down the length of the log.  See item 4..
7..If you have hydraulic/electric toe rollers or boards, they will sneak around and raise one end of a cant, while you aren't looking of course.
8.. Gremlins can cause a perfectly square, straight cant to rise up off the middle bunker, making a board that's thick in the middle.
9.. They'll sneak a big chunk of bark under one edge of a cant, thereby ruining a least 2 boards...
10..Sneak in at night and steal at least half of your stickers. You'll never have enough...
11..When you need the last blade from the bottom of the box to finish a job, you find that someone snuck a worn-out dull blade in the bottom of the box.
12..Some of these gremlins seem to be somewhat brand specific. For instance the woodmizer variant seems to be good at loosening the tension on the band about halfway down the length of a log. I've heard that the norwood clan has been known to jump the mill head off the tracks..
13..They have a whole pocket full of tricks to make a blade climb and dive, thus making wavy lumber, some will even try to convince the sawyer, something's wrong with the mill.
14..Gremlins can, under some circumstances affect things away from the mill. That highly valuable 24 inch walnut log Joe homeowner wants to sell you, can morph into a crooked, knarly sweetgum while you negotiate a price.
15.. Mess with your head, convince you that if you just had ( insert --bigger mill, more power, hydraulics, skid steer, dry kiln, log deck, etc) everything would be just fine....

  They never go away, just when you think you are wise to all the tricks and know what to watch for, listen for one to giggle and say ""Ahaa, gotcha"

[POSTON WIDEHEAD]

My mill came with none of these.  :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D

However, if you have them....DO NOT FEED THEM SAWDUST......THEY WILL MULTIPLY!

[customsawyer]

Mine came with all of them and some more that were not mentioned.  ;D

[snowshoveler]

My belsaw came with all those little guys and more than a few bigger ones.
I fed them sawdust and water and a bunch of them swelled up and exploded...only to make more.
Oh well, I am having a lot of fun milling.
Regards Chris

[Bill Gaiche]

Sounds like you have had too much fun. bg

[Tree Feller]

 :D :D :D :D :D :D

[WDH]

#16.  When you take your tractor to the woods to cut some logs, they hitch a ride without you knowing, and when you are deep in the thick woods, they jump off and punch a hole in the tractor tire.

#17.  You get the tractor fixed and go back to the woods to fell some trees.  They sneak back on the tractor without you knowing and cause your saw to get bound up in a log that you are bucking, even though you did everything just right.  You just know that your spare saw is on the tractor, but unknown to you, they took it off and left it 2 miles back at your barn.

[Magicman]

Piney, you never told us that you kept a diary.   :P

[POSTON WIDEHEAD]

Piney, you never told us that you kept a diary.   :P

He saws lumber.....he does not milk cows. Geeeeeee Magic.  :D

[mikeb1079]

nice one piney.  yes those are all true...though you forgot:  "perhaps if i welded a piece onto that it would work better"  :D :D

[jimdad07]

That all sounds very familiar with my carriage chain saw mill.  Seems I was getting a little of that tonight while milling a big cottonwood log.  Enjoyed reading the OP's post.

[Delawhere Jack]

Magic Gremlins -vs- working for lawyers............ hmmmmmmm....

That's a no brainer, gremlins are much easier to punt 45 yards!  ;D

Most, if not all of these "Magic Gremlins" you speak of are of our own making. I've always been my own harshest critic, so yeah.....I can deal with the Gremlins.

Besides, it can't be any worse than having the family car be a 1974 AMC Hornet when you're in high school...... or a GREMLIN. 

[Delawhere Jack]

18. The saw carriage that you thought you secured sufficiently to the bed makes a mad dash for the back of the rails as you unhitch the mill, causing your end to lurch up towards your frangible mandible. Then, after you've re-secured the carriage at what you though was the pivot point, it comes roaring at you full gallup, causing the hitch to come crashing down on your sneaker clad foot.......... :'(

[DR Buck]

Wow!   I'm glad you posted that Piney.   I thought it was just me and was afraid to mention it.  smiley_ignore Kind of like the voices in my head. 

[Chuck White]

I've had a few of them visit my mill!  : >:(

[sigidi]

#19 DanG it - I'm buyin a lucas ;D 8) ;D ;D 8)

[thecfarm]

pineywood,lots of truth there. I can tell you have a few hours under your belt sawing.

[Todd]

One of the best tricks the gremlins ever played on me was pushing the leading fence arm on my Baker down while turning a log so that as I made the cut and knew I was in the clear I cut into the rear fence arm!

[Buck]

I wonder if gremlins is what gets my truck and tractor batteries when the mill is too close? :

[roger 4400]

Hi, I'm a new sawyer and already met gremlin #3 and #4.......I'll be aware of all the others.... :D

[opticsguy]

Thanks for the checklist, 

I will start working on this as soon as possible!!

[Bogue Chitto]

They also drain your water lube, dull your blade, drain your fuel tank, pile sawdust to high around mill, and{ remove your tools--oh that is my  boys that do that :.}

[locdogg]

they bury my tools under sawdust so i can't find them.

[Amelia Farms]

I have met just about all of those gremlins face to face. Seems like the more I saw, the less I see of them. Good riddance! 8)

[Misfit]

Seems they also make those without mills dream about having one. Then you wake up with your wife yelling "What do you mean, calling me a crooked flitch?"