Having a bad week!!!!

Woodhauler · September 24, 2015, 07:34:02 PM

My oldest daughter has separated from her husband of 8 years! She is seeing someone else. Never in my wildest dreams would I have thought this of her! 2 kids nice house , husband that thinks the world of her. I am at a loss. I almost went and confronted her new man tonite but didn't. I am as heart broken as her husband. I gave them the land to build their house, helped do ground work and its going to be hard to see the house which is up the road from me maybe be sold! Just don't know what caused this. >:( :'(

sandsawmill14 · September 24, 2015, 07:40:06 PM

talk to her maybe she will listen :(

Woodhauler · September 24, 2015, 07:42:44 PM

Quote from: sandsawmill14 on September 24, 2015, 07:40:06 PM
talk to her maybe she will listen :(

No she has her mind made up. How can you wake up one morning and decide you want a new life???

sandsawmill14 · September 24, 2015, 07:48:38 PM

i dont know but we went through a similar situation with my sister its the kids that will suffer the most. i know it was hard on all of us so im really sorry for you. if it is like you think maybe she will come to her senses.

jwilly3879 · September 24, 2015, 08:10:56 PM

Remember she will always be your daughter and she will need you sometime.

beenthere · September 24, 2015, 08:17:49 PM

I know I would have a tough time with this. Am fortunate that have not had to deal with it with my two daughters.
Here's to hoping you can make the best of her situation and keep your love genuine for her. Don't have to love her decisions, just her... and keep being a great grandpa to your grand kids.

We never know what really happens between two people.....

Magicman · September 24, 2015, 08:23:11 PM

We found out a few years ago that this heartbreaking situation cuts deeply and the wounds are slow to heal, if ever. It is not fair to the children who do not understand.

Try to keep an open heart and mind and do not make any hasty decisions. Maybe time will have a way of smoothing things out.

r.man · September 24, 2015, 10:47:36 PM

We raise our children to make their own decisions and then we have to stand back and let them. Bummer to be you right now, you have my sympathy.

Pine Ridge · September 25, 2015, 12:18:30 AM

Woodhauler this is a tough situation you are in, and i feel for all of you. In may of 2014 i came home and was told by my wife of 18 years that she wasn't happy anymore, and was leaving. I am now divorced, and still wondering what happened. our daughter is the only immediate family i have left, as my mother passed away in july of 2014. I cannot say enough good things about some of my closest friends , some cousins, and especially my church family, as they helped me through the toughest time of my life. My entire life changed overnight, be hard to explain the thoughts you have at a time like this. Woodhauler you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers tonight.

Woodhauler · September 25, 2015, 01:58:08 PM

I am condiplating having a chat with the new man in her life, she didn't want me to know who he is but I do. I realize it takes two to tango , but I need many questions answered, God forbid he hurts her or my 2 granddaughters.

beenthere · September 25, 2015, 02:43:56 PM

Only my opinion, but best you not do what you are contemplating.
Your daughter is old enough to make her own decisions, I suspect she is bright enough as well.

There is a reason she doesn't want you to know who he is, and you should respect her decisions. Very likely you will just mess things up further than they already are "messed up" as you envision them to be.

Just my 2 cents.. Have all conversations with just your daughter, and show her that you can handle it. Hopefully you can...

BradMarks · September 25, 2015, 04:45:16 PM

An old phrase I'll probably get wrong: "your daughter may go off and become a wife, but she will still be your daughter for life". She had her reasons to marry, and now she has her reasons to leave. As jwilly said, she will need you again one day. Be there for her when that time comes. Be there now for your grandchildren.

Woodhauler · September 25, 2015, 04:48:09 PM

Quote from: beenthere on September 25, 2015, 02:43:56 PM
Only my opinion, but best you not do what you are contemplating.
Your daughter is old enough to make her own decisions, I suspect she is bright enough as well.

There is a reason she doesn't want you to know who he is, and you should respect her decisions. Very likely you will just mess things up further than they already are "messed up" as you envision them to be.

Just my 2 cents.. Have all conversations with just your daughter, and show her that you can handle it. Hopefully you can...

I need to know from this guy what his intentions are! HE MADE THE FIRST MOVE TO BREAK UP THIS MARRIGE! I am not going to be a fool about it but I have 2 granddaughters I have to look out for too! And yes she is a very succsefull buiseness women, travels all around the country for her job. When she is gone my wife and I plus her husband take care of the kids. Is her new man going to take that responsibility on??? Would I trust him??? That's something I need to ask him man to man!

Corley5 · September 25, 2015, 05:04:16 PM

You best just stay out of it for now.

beenthere · September 25, 2015, 06:17:30 PM

Greg and Brad
I have a feeling he isn't listening... he is running on the wrong track for any future success. Need to pray for him and hope someone can switch his mind to the right track before it is too late.
Blaming this new guy just isn't useful... to anyone other than some self satisfaction. But we can hope.

21incher · September 25, 2015, 06:24:07 PM

Sorry to hear about this. People change over time and I don't think now is the time to question her decision. Seems like she would appreciate some support right now and you may want to spend some time with her before getting off on the wrong foot with her new partner. I am sure that your grandchildren will keep you updated on their changed life situation and happiness.

Woodhauler · September 25, 2015, 07:22:53 PM

Well I am listening, and I have checked him out some today, He is divorced, been involved with several married women since his divorce. Being a owner of a multi million dollar business must be his way in. So I guess I will not say anything and let him ruin one more family!!! He gets what he wants then she is left to pick up the peices >:(

Magicman · September 25, 2015, 07:40:56 PM

Actually, you and your wife will be there to pick up the pieces, one of which could very well be her. No one will win in a confrontation.

Pine Ridge · September 25, 2015, 09:32:42 PM

Woodhauler i wish you the very best during this time. I thought about this several times today, it's a tough thing to deal with.

sandsawmill14 · September 25, 2015, 09:42:00 PM

hang in there woodhauler it will get better eventually

timberlinetree · September 27, 2015, 07:04:23 AM

I understand woodhauler. Guy like that I would like to take out to lunch.. For a knuckle sandwich! BUT I am older now and have been taught that's not a good idea. A fishing trip/walk in the woods might be best to find out why she is feeling the way she is. Maybe something on the inside that can't be seen from the outside? Hope all works out.

Ken · September 27, 2015, 08:46:17 AM

Although I feel your pain you have to trust that your daughter was raised to do things that she feels is best for her and her children. I'm sure she is not having an easy time of it as well so now is the time to offer her your support. Leave the angry emotion out of it as it will likely complicate things.

barbender · September 27, 2015, 09:16:07 AM

I'm sorry to hear about this, Woodhauler :( Everyone loses, and the sad fact is, I don't think you can do anything to help it. I've had to watch a few of these situations play out with friends and family. When someone decides to make a decision that they know is selfish, and will have long term negative effects for their kids, there isn't much rationalizing you can do with them. They already know better, what more can be said? I understand your feelings toward this new guy, this type that goes around messing with married women are the lowest type of scum, IMHO. But, I'm afraid all you can do is make it worse.

doctorb · September 27, 2015, 10:05:57 AM

Woodhauler - sorry to hear about this.

If you are open to further advice....I would not confront this man at this time.

My strong belief about such situations is that is ALWAYS takes two. The person you need to talk to is your daughter. You need to understand why she made such a decision. You may not understand her reasoning now, or ever. But, as your daughter she deserves to time (and it may take some time) to let you know her side of the story. Some of this discussion reads like this guy did this TO your daughter and her family. I don't agree. He did this WITH your daughter to her family. It takes two and there's reasons why she made this decision.

Confronting him will only ignite anger and frustration. discussing it with her will not ease your concerns, but it provides communication between you two. She needs you to TRY and understand.

Do not get me wrong. I would be just as upset as you, and would want to take his head off, just like you. But you have a relationship with her husband and your grandkids. It's never going to be pefect, but you have to show all concerned respect if you want to continue those relationships. Easy for me to say, I know. I wish all involved the best. There is nothing to be gained by getting into the middle of this. I am sure your displeasure has been duly noted.

barbender · September 27, 2015, 10:57:41 AM

Well said, doctorb. It takes 2, and while I suspect that this fellow is a lowlife, if it wasn't him, there are a million others just like him. My observation- the gals I have seen in this situation seem like something inside of them has died. They have sort of a "thousand yard stare", as if no one is home when you talk to them. One of them has, after years, gotten her former personality back, but I have also heard her admit what a huge mistake she made :( BTW, I know plenty of men walk out on their wives, too. I am only speaking from the experience I have had with the situations close to me, which happened to all be the wife choosing to leave.