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Started by Tillaway, September 26, 2002, 03:38:23 PM

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Tillaway

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live
forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we
would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I
would not live forever," --Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.

"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all
over the world,I can't help but cry.I mean I'd love to be skinny
like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff," --Mariah Carey

"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important
part of your life," --Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign.

"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body," --Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.

"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country," --Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC.

"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our
papers. We are the president," --Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents.

"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by
a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it," --A congressional candidate in Texas.

"I don't feel we did wrong in taking this great country away from them. There were great numbers of people who needed new land, and the Indians were selfishly trying to keep it for themselves." --John Wayne

"Half this game is ninety percent mental." --Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark

"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the
impurities in our air and water that are doing it." --Al Gore, Vice President

"I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix." --Dan Quayle

"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air
do we need?" --Lee Iacocca

"I was provided with additional input that was radically different from the truth. I assisted in furthering that version," --Colonel Oliver North, from his Iran-Contra testimony.

"The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein," -- sports analyst.

"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people." --Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.

"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure." --Bill Clinton,President

"We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur." --Al Gore, VP

"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas." --Keppel Enderbery

"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances." --Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina

"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in
at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart
throughout the night. And the next morning, when they
wake up dead, there'll be a record." --Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman
Making Tillamook Bay safe for bait; one salmon at a time.

Bro. Noble

Funny Stuff.

Some people's tongues work faster than their brains.

Noble
milking and logging and sawing and milking

ADfields

  Mensa Test

Exercise of the brain is as important as exercise of
the muscles. As we grow older, it's important that we
keep mentally alert. The saying: "If you don't use it,
you will lose it" also applies to the brain,
so.........
Below is a very private way to gauge your loss or
non-loss of intelligence. So take the following test
presented here and determine if you are losing it or
are still  a  MENSA candidate.
OK, relax, clear your mind and....... begin.

**************************************************
1. What do you put in a toaster?
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  

The answer is bread. If you said "toast," then give up
now and go do something else. Try not to hurt
yourself.

If you said, "bread", go to question   2.

  
  
  
  
  
  
******************************************************
2. Say "silk" five times. Now spell "silk". What do
cows drink?
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  

Answer: Cows  drink  water. If you said "milk", please
do not attempt the next  question. Your  brain is
obviously overstressed and may even overheat.  It may
be that you  need to content yourself with reading
something  more appropriate such as  "Children's World".


If you said, "water"  then proceed to question   three.
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
*****************************************************************
3. If a  red  house is made from red bricks and a blue
house is made from blue  bricks and a  pink house is
made from pink bricks and a black house is  made from
black  bricks, what is a greenhouse made   from?
  
  
  
 
  
  
  
  
  

Answer:   Greenhouses are made from glass. If you said
"green bricks", what the  heck  are you still doing here
reading these questions????? Dang.....  

If you  said "glass", then go on to question  four.
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
*************************************************************
4. Twenty years ago, a plane  is  flying at 20,000 feet
over Germany. If you will recall, Germany at  the  time
was politically divided into West Germany and  East
Germany. Anyway,  during the flight, TWO of the engines
fail.  The pilot, realizing that the  last remaining
engine is also failing,  decides on a crash  landing
procedure. Unfortunately the engine fails  before he
has time and  the plane crashes smack in the middle  of
"no man's land" between East Germany  and West Germany.
Where  would you bury the survivors - East Germany  or
West Germany or in "no  man's  land"?
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  

Answer: You  don't, of course,  bury survivors. If you
said ANYTHING else, you are  a real dunce and you  must
NEVER try to rescue anyone from a plane  crash. Your
efforts would not  be appreciated. ......

If you  said, "Don't bury the survivors" then proceed  to the  next
question.
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
*****************************************************
5. If the hour hand on a clock moves 1/60th of a
degree every minute then how  many  degrees will the
hour hand move in one   hour?
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  

Answer: One degree. If you  said  "360 degrees" or
anything other than "one degree", you are  to  be
congratulated on getting this far, but you are
obviously out  of your  league. Turn your pencil in and
exit the room. Everyone else  proceed to the   final
question.










***************************************  
6. Without using a calculator - You are driving a bus
from London to Milford Haven in Wales. In London, 17
people get on the bus. In Reading, six people get off
the bus and nine people get on. In Swindon, two people
get off and four get on. In Cardiff, 11 people get off
and 16 people get on. In Swansea, three people get off
and five people get on. In Carmathen, six people get
off and three get on. You then arrive at Milford
Haven. What was the name of the bus driver?
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  

Answer: Oh, for heaven sake! It was YOU, you dummy.
Read the first line!!!

 :P :P :D ;D

Bro. Noble

Andy,

Where can I get Children's World?

Noble
milking and logging and sawing and milking

ButtonRock

 I hate to learn what I don't already know ???

ADfields

Noble, you sead milk did you?   How meny COWS do you have that drink milk?  At $12 a hundred you could be onto somthing ther. :D   Well I mised every one on that test so dont feel to bad.   I have not a clue about  "Children's World" and even that could be over MY head :'(

Oh I did know I was driving that bus so I did get one of six 8)   I'm always the one doing the work so if I'm ever in London is stands to reason I would be the guy working :-[
Andy

Bro. Noble

Andy,

When I said milk,  I was thinking of baby cows !!!!

Noble
milking and logging and sawing and milking

ADfields

Ya my wife tryed that one and I told her baby cows drink replacer.

Bro. Noble

milking and logging and sawing and milking

woodmills1

Is there a fourth of July in England?

How many ducks does it take to fly in this formation?  Two ducks in front of a duck, two ducks behind a duck, and a duck between two ducks.

which of these is correct?  8 and 8 is fifteen or 8 and 8 are fifteen.
James Mills,Lovely wife,collect old tools,vacuuming fool,36 bdft/hr,oak paper cutter,ebonic yooper rapper nauga seller, Blue Ox? its not fast, 2 cat family, LT70,edger, 375 bd ft/hr, we like Bob,free heat,no oil 12 years,big splitter, baked stuffed lobster, still cuttin the logs dere IAM

Tom


Kevin_H.

You know I'm not doing real good on this....
I hope I can remember how to run the mill tomorrow!
Thank WM for setworks
Got my WM lt40g24, Setworks and debarker in oct. '97, been sawing part time ever since, Moving logs with a bobcat.

ADfields


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