sawmilling jokes

4x4American · April 20, 2015, 10:24:09 PM

Quote from: caveman on October 06, 2012, 02:59:07 PM
This may be more appropriate for the dendrology section. How do you tell a Pignut Hickory from a Mockernut Hickory?

well...

Percy · April 20, 2015, 11:36:37 PM

How does a lumber grader change a light bulb???
He just stands there and holds it.....while the whole world revolves around him..

Most common phrase heard at a sawmill...."It'll plane out...."

5quarter · April 21, 2015, 12:10:30 AM

Quote from: Percy on April 20, 2015, 11:36:37 PM
Most common phrase heard at a sawmill...."It'll plane out...."

I've never said that before... smiley_big_grin3

terrifictimbersllc · April 21, 2015, 04:30:46 AM

Me neither. :

:

That's why it's called rough lumber.

Try sticking that beam so the crown sags out.

LeeB · April 21, 2015, 05:52:10 AM

These jokes are just as bad now as they were the first time I read them. They just don't make the cut.

kelLOGg · April 21, 2015, 07:46:45 AM

DanG. I just read every one of them, :D
Bob

Percy · April 21, 2015, 10:14:50 AM

Quote from: LeeB on April 21, 2015, 05:52:10 AM
These jokes are just as bad now as they were the first time I read them. They just don't make the cut.

Oh ya....I see what you did there

LeeB · April 21, 2015, 12:51:20 PM

Yeah, but it's true. The just don't stack up. ;D

buzywoodliff · April 21, 2015, 02:18:10 PM

Kinda related to sawing and it might rustle some feathers, but ya gotta have a sense of humor......

So here goes:

Strip mining prevents forest fires

valley ranch · April 21, 2015, 03:33:24 PM

He say's "I want an 8" X 12" beam, I cut a three boards off that Cant and it's still too thin."

busywoodliff, Is that like cancer cures smoking? You gotta have a sense of humor........

Percy, That's good!

Sparty · April 21, 2015, 06:43:47 PM

A sawyer walks into a bar, steps up to a customer and slashes him with a large knife. The sawyer then takes a sawdust covered notebook out of his pocket and jots down his victim's name, age and time of death on a line below a bunch of other names. The sawyer then walks out of the bar and immediately hops aboard a train leaving town. The bartender runs after him and says, "what the heck was that all about?!" The sawyer silently opens up a sawdust covered dictionary and points to the listing for sawyer:
Sawyer (noun). Cuts, logs, and boards.

SORRY....that's more of a punctuation joke.

DMcCoy · April 21, 2015, 08:31:25 PM

Natasha: "Boris, iz Moose you said you killed in previous episode?"
Boris: "Look, it's his show. Eef he wants to be hard to kill, let him."

Percy · April 21, 2015, 11:05:38 PM

Quote from: LeeB on April 21, 2015, 12:51:20 PM
Yeah, but it's true. The just don't stack up. ;D

Sure they will, just dont put the wavey ones on the bottom... ;D

mart · April 23, 2015, 03:41:33 PM

Three fellows stood before the Pearly Gates about to enter into their eternal reward. Saint Peter met them at the gate and said, "we like to gather a little information about you before you enter. We are tracking the IQ's of all who enter heaven".

The first fellow stepped up and Saint Peter asked his IQ. The man responded, "160." "Wow", said Saint Peter, "what did you do?" The man replied, "I was a brain surgeon. I dedicated my life to the study of the brain and how to fix those folks who were suffering from injury and illness". Saint Peter said, "great, come on in."

The next fellow answered Saint Peter with, "180". "Wow", said Saint Peter, and what did you do?" The man said, "I was a nuclear physicist and spent my whole life working to provide clean and safe energy to a world in need of reliable power. "Great", said Saint Peter, "come on in."

The third fellow replied to Saint Peter's query with, "64." "Really", Saint Peter replied, "Did you saw much lumber?" ;D

customsawyer · April 23, 2015, 06:34:37 PM

I might resemble that last one. :D

sandsawmill14 · April 23, 2015, 06:57:58 PM

The third fellow replied to Saint Peter's query with, "64." "Really", Saint Peter replied, "Did you saw much lumber?" ;D

Im afraid i would have to answer yes to that one :D :D :D

WDH · April 23, 2015, 08:30:22 PM

So, the more MBF you produce, the lower your IQ, right?

:D

Jeff · April 23, 2015, 10:25:03 PM

Remember this is a family site. Jokes containing innuendo are certainly not appropriate.

Percy · April 24, 2015, 01:39:09 AM

Whats the difference between a lumber broker and a battery???

A battery has a positve side...

Jeff · April 24, 2015, 09:43:42 AM

Kinda like what we use to say at the mill about our truck drivers. What's the difference between a twuck dwiva and a fuzzy puppy?

The fuzzy puppy will grow up and quite whining.

Okrafarmer · June 05, 2015, 12:19:53 AM

What did the sawyer say when someone asked him to mill a beam?

"Cant."

Ox · June 05, 2015, 01:08:38 AM

Sorta related to the samill business: What do you call a basement full of truck drivers?

A wine cellar.

I drove big trucks for a living for 6 years and I can say for a fact that this is true, at least some of the time!