Friends and loved ones passing away........

[Grizzly]

I was going to comment in Woodhaulers thread but decided it didn't fit there.

I watched my father-in-law die.........for a year. He developed cancer of the brain and we were all together with him when the surgeon came and told him there was no cure. I remember the pain he suffered as slowly he lost one function after another. It was horrible and was a relief on his behalf when he was able to depart this world. He was 59.

In my troubled teens I spent a rare day out in Dad's backyard clearing stump piles, burning brush, and generally trying to clean things up for him. He was up by the house mowing lawn and generally having a good afternoon. A rare day for me as at that time I was usually up to no good and never at home. Mom was preparing thanksgiving supper for all the family and we were all getting together for the evening. As I was resting in the house late afternoon mom wanted dad woke up from his nap to get ready for supper. I went to their room and found that my dad had departed this life. No warning; nothing. He was 57.

I think my dad's departure was far easier on the family than dad-in-laws. We hurt badly but for a different reason and for a shorter period as we were sharing memories of dad and celebrating his life much sooner. The hurt from dad-in-laws departure carried for quite a time and seemed to make memories harder to share.

Just thoughts I had after reading about Woodhaulers friend.

[Bruno of NH]

My Dad died from cancer it took about 6 months it was hard to watch.
He was one of the toughest people I have ever new.To watch him suffer as the cancer took over his functions was hard.He couldn't fight it any longer .

[low_48]

A drawn out cancer death is horrible way to go, sorry for your loss. My little brother died at age 48 from colon cancer. He waited too long to see a doctor, not even suspecting colon cancer because of his age. He went through some treatments, hoping to give as much as he could to his two children. In actuality, his life basically ended when treatment started. He was still working when he started feeling rough. But as soon as the treatment started, he could barely even walk out to the truck. He went from a 260 pound bear of a man, to less than 80 pounds in less than a year after diagnosis. IT WAS HORRIBLE! I said good bye to him 2 days before he passed. I'll never forget that day, and the way he looked. You're right, death was merciful, but took too long. There has to be a way to terminate that suffering sooner!

[rjwoelk]

My dad passed away at 92. From diagnoses  to death 4 weeks. Cancer of the spleen Pancras.  And bone cancer.
He had been looking poorly in fall but it was good Friday in 2004 that he went. Mom is now 97 98 in 4 months .she is one bright  eyed lady.

[Peter Drouin]

My dad lasted a year with cancer and died in my arms. My brother John died at 7 with cancer.
I guess when the Father wants you, you got to go.
I know If I get cancer, And the doc can cut it out and put it on the table I'll do that.
Other than that, Pete is going to have a party the town will talk about for years. ;D

[coxy]

my dad had cancer to he never told us he had but we kind of figured it out he told my aunt at my uncles funeral then 6 months later my mom died from a broken heart  my sister has stomach cancer and her boyfriend wont let any of us see her  because of the trouble we had after my parents died  I shur hope he walks out in front of a train some day  ;D

[coxy]

well the cancer got my sister yesterday 49 years old  :'( :'( :'( R I P sis

[Jim_Rogers]

So sorry for your loss

[Chuck White]

Always so sad to hear such news!

Condolences sent, Coxy!

[coxy]

thanks everyone     i didn't think it would hit me this hard and the hard part is still to come

[thecfarm]

coxy,that's way to young. Sad to hear that.

[POSTON WIDEHEAD]

Coxy, hang in there Brother. Praying for ya.

[Busy Beaver Lumber]

So sorry to hear of you situation Coxy. I can tell you this from being and EMT for 8 years, no two families handle illness and death the same.

Myself, if i knew i was terminal, i think i would keep it from my wife and kids as long as I could, even till my grave if possible. No sense in making everyone as miserable is I could imagine I would feel inside. But i totally understand people that go the other way and lean on family for support.

This has been an absolutely horrid year for our family in terms of deaths. Three of my step daughter share the same father and he was diagnosed with stage 4 brain cancer and passed away back in May several months after being diagnosed. Then we had a niece die of sids, and two twin brothers, age 26 commit suicide one month apart, and now their mothers health has taken a turn for the worse in her late 40's.  Got so bad we were afraid to answer the phone for fear of more bad news.

But time cures all ills and this two will pass. My prayers are with you and your family

[coxy]

wow sorry to hear all the bad things that's happened to your family  I'm doing ok I just cant stand her BF him and I are going to go at it one day if I see him just going down the road I start shaking and get that hot sanction some day it will happen 

[Stoneyacrefarm]

Coxy,
Sorry for your loss.
As far as the boyfriend.
Let him go. It's not worth your time to bother with him.
I went thru the same type thing when my father passed.
I had to just let it go.
Worked better for me.
Good luck.

[Thilo]

I am quite new here and stumbled upon by chance on this post. I am very sorry for anyone who has lost someone who is important to them. My grandmother also died of cancer last year, and it was very bad to see her suffer. So I can understand you and wish you much strength in this difficult time.  :'(

[Raider Bill]

A friend and neighbor for 25 years has terminal liver cancer. He has a tennis ball size tumor on the main artery going to his liver.

Been in and out of the hospital several times to have his belly drained and tests. In the past couple weeks they have taken out 28 liters of fluid. Doc told us yesterday he's looking at 2 months at the most and there's nothing to be done but call hospice and try to make the rest of his days comfortable. He wants to stay at home but I don't think that will last long as now things are happening I am not able to deal with. As a care giver I'm lacking.

He's got nobody but me that won't steal his meds so I've been taking him to his appointments, bringing him food which he doesn't eat and sitting with him. His dream was /is to ride to Colorado and die in the mountains. We talk about taking that ride but that's not going to happen as he can hardly stand without help.
A year ago he was a 240 lb bad axe 1%er now he's 130 skin, bones with a giant stomach from the fluid buildup,  sleeps most of the time and because of the ammonia buildup is having memory/mental issues.
Doc loaded him up with morphine and Oxycontin pills yesterday and told me if he wants to take extra let him it's not going to matter.

[sandhills]

Cancer just plain stinks, we've dealt with and deal with our share also.  Coxy I'm sorry to hear about your sister, you have our thoughts and prayers and I also agree with forgetting about the boyfriend, he isn't worth the time.
Bill, keep up the good work, we spent a lot of time with a good friend much the same, at that time my wife was still a nurse and would stay with him at night every once in awhile to give his wife a break.  He was a veitnam vet and had a lot of late night talks with my wife, things his family never got to hear, he needed to get it off his chest I think.  You're there for your friend and that's what matters now.
Peter we had a good friend/neighbor that everyone knew and loved die of pancreatic cancer, before he went he rented the community building in town, paid for all the food and drinks, said no funeral just a party.  After his death the immediate family had a small service, that night the entire town and folks from others were at his party, everyone was allowed to get up and tell stories etc. it was quite a tribute to the man he was.  No one knew he'd set that all up.

[Grizzly]

Why can't doctors accept that folks die? Seems like they always want to diagnose old folks with something that just might be curable and lead to longer life. I'm not saying we shouldn't try and keep our old folks with us but sometimes old age is just that. Old age.

My wife's stepdad is getting old and they test and test wearing him out but still can't find anything wrong. Well duh! There isn't any one specific thing wrong. The body as a whole is done and beginning the departure trip. It's been good to know him and he's done good things for the family but I don't want to see him endlessly looking for a cure from old age. Take your rest, it's been a well fought war and well lived life.

And just an encouragement to those that are caregivers. Don't give up or say your not capable. You're doing what no one else can do and that is being a trustworthy friend and aid giver.

[Autocar]

Sorry to hear about everyone's loss and prayers your way coxy. I talked to a fellow this evening telling me his wife and himself has a doctor apointment every day the rest of this month. I praise God every day for my health so many times we take tomarrow for granted.

[Chuck White]

As we get older, we seem to notice the loss of relatives, friends, associates, etc. more than when we were younger!

[Roxie]

That's because the frequency of loss increases as we age, Chuck.   

Not only do we lose more friends and family, it's been my observation that there is a cumulative effect.  Each successive loss stirs memories of the previous loss and the grief becomes compounded.  It can be almost impossible to explain why you suddenly come unglued when your dog dies and you seem to have held up through so much worse, but it's not just the dog, it's your spouse, and your grandmother, and your friend from high school, and your boss, and on and on, all over again.

[pineywoods]

Roxie, you hit the nail on the head...I have lost 4 of the grumpy old men friends in the past 2 years. (see the grumpy old men thread in general board) Another one in the hospital with one foot on a bannana peel..Each one gets harder to deal with...

[Chuck White]

Agreed, Well said Roxie!

[coxy]

x3

[Roger2561]

I lost my mom a bit over 32 years ago to breast cancer.  She never drank any alcoholic beverages and she never smoked.  I was working the 2nd shift at the time and I was the one who took her to the hospital for her chemo treatments.  I'm glad I was able to do that for her.  She fought the cancer for about 3 years before it took her life.  It was 11 years ago in late March that we lost dad.  He suffered with emphysema, he never wanted any intervention.  I remember bringing the pick up to house door and helping dad get in so I could bring him to church.  Everyday it seemed like he was getting weaker and weaker until he took the last breath.  Watching both my parents suffer the way they did always left a mark on me.  I get a bit consolation from knowing they are once again together in heaven.  Although I have 8 siblings, my dad was very lonely after my mom died and I believe that's the reason he didn't want any intervention.  RIP mom and dad!  Roger     

[Holmes]

I think the sadness is the hardest thing to deal with.  Anything can trigger an emotional " moment". And that moment can be for a moment or hours or longer. We all deal with it differently. I kept myself very busy for over a year and thought I was moving on, but I found out I had to face my emotions. Maybe we can get over the emotions maybe not, but the loved one{s} always be in our mind{s}.

[Grizzly]

I was 20yrs old when Dad died. Not a very good age to have impressed ones parents with much of anything and I was not one of the finest in the land. I was pretty bitter about losing my dad so young, but one day while Mom, one sister, and I were sitting around and remembering him (we were laughing, crying, and remembering all that he gave to our lives) Mom just looked at me and asked if I wanted him back. Well I thought on that for a moment and remembered how active he'd been in years before and how his health kept him from enjoying life. A walk to the barn wore him out. I looked back at Mom and said no. He's happy as can be in eternity. I learned that the best way to move on is to remember them and not be afraid of the emotions that memories bring. Not so happy times along with the best of times. It was all part of his legacy. A great man and I loved him.

[newoodguy78]

Roxie...x4

[Grizzly]

Cindy's sitting with mom-in-law at the hospital. Stepdad has been on the ambulance a couple of times and now their holding him. Still doing some tests but it's not looking good. We were visiting about it and while we'd like to see him around he's had a good long life and he's wore out. He's satisfied and says he's ready to go so why do we get selfish and want him to stay? Anyway, it's beyond our control so we'll just see what life serves us. He's been a good friend even though things started out kinda rocky.

[coxy]

sorry to hear about this

[rjwoelk]

My mom 97 pulled something in her back a month ago, she is slowly getting better , but my older sister says her breathing is getting bad and wonders if she will make it to christmas. She has told me so many times she just wants to go home.  So many of her relatives have past on as well as friends, she has a sister inlaw still living but thats it.

[Magicman]

Spend as much time as possible with your Mom, and honor her wishes.

[Grizzly]

2nd what MM said.

We have mom-in-law here for a few days. We went to BC for a very quick trip (we're right in the middle of harvest and it's a short season for us up north) as Cindy's stepdad passed away and we wanted to be there. It continues to surprise the family how he came to mean so much to us even though he really didn't take part in our lives in a large way. He passed peacefully and left his family with good memories. Now we'll support mom and make sure she is ok.

[rjwoelk]

Yes i phone her 2 or 3 time a week, when on the road and if up in Saskatoon try and drop in to see her. She has a living will that no resusatation is to be used, so my sisters who look in on her daily have let the folks at the complex she is in know that.
Had a cousin whos husband had a bad head injury, was like a 8 year old  and poor memory for 17 years, had a no resusatation order, the Doc did not follow it and brought him back, his comment was no one was dieing on his watch. He lived another 5 years tube fed diapers etc. Thats no life.

[pineywoods]

I'm dealing with another heartache. Life-long friend (we go back 70 years) passed away sat. Sawmiller, runs 3 woodmizers from a wheelchair with hired help. FF member slysam, but never very active. I did all the maintenance on his mills for decades..He left all his mills to a younger brother, so now I get calls from him. It's hard to wrench on his equipment , knowing he's no longer there...

[Chuck White]

Sorry to hear of your loss of another friend and a Forestry Forum member, Piney!

My condolences to all!

[sawguy21]

I haven't been able to talk about it without falling apart. Karen lost her battle with cancer September 19, it was peaceful and quick. Her breathing changed and stopped before the staff could call me. I will miss her for the rest of my life but am comforted that she is no longer in pain and I no longer have to provide round the clock care. I am physically and mentally worn out. Paul_H, his wonderful wife Carla and other friends are really helping me cope.

[thecfarm]

sawguy21,that is sad sad news. I will be thinking of you.

[Grizzly]

My condolences sawguy. It's difficult and I'm glad to hear others are there for you.

[DanG]

Sawguy, I'm so very sorry to hear of Karen's passing. I can only imagine the heartbreak you are dealing with.

[trapper]

Sorry  I would be lost without my wife.

[Runningalucas]

I appreciate the posts here; I'm going through a similar situation as others here.  It helps to know others have gone through similar, and relate; I'm not alone(YEAH!).

[rjwoelk]

Sawguy My condolances as well.
Would like to stop in sometime I am up your way, do get a trip through there once in a while. I believe you live near to the food and tourist spot on the highway? The Log barn?

[sawguy21]

I am in Enderby now, landlord decided to retire early and renovate the house. It has been a rough month.

[coxy]

my condolences to you and your family

[Jeff]

I'm so sorry to see this.our condolences.

[Logger RK]

My condolences. I understand how your feeling. I lost my 28 year old Son,Andy 7 months ago in a ATV accident. Him and his Brothers were Logging with me the last couple years. It was pretty hard when we did some chip loads after that happened. It took about the 3rd load before I could see better. Andy used to Skid to me to feed the chipper. I haven't taken His stuff out of pickup yet. He'd usually ride with me to the woods in the winter. I been Logging by myself this summer. Sometimes I think it's best to be alone. Andy was a Organ Donor. We just got a letter today from the person that received His Liver. I haven't read it yet. Not sure when I will be able to.

[sawguy21]

Thank you for the support, I really appreciate it. This is hard enough but I cannot imagine the pain of losing a child for no good reason even if he was an adult. RK, I am sure it will get easier for both of us as time goes on but we will just have to wait it out.

[Grizzly]

I haven't been active in the Forum for a couple of years mainly because my helper/sawyer left for other opportunities and I'm glad for her and her work where she is. But I'm here again.

My wonderful sister who never married and so became much closer to a couple of us siblings and many of her nieces and nephews passed away Feb 1 from a very rapid cancer. If she hadn't been such a rock in our lives it wouldn't be so traumatic but she was our doctor, nurse, counselor, friend, adviser, and many more descriptions. It was very hard on Mom to have a child go Home before her but they said their goodbyes and Joan apologized for leaving early and Mom forgave her for the same. Watching that scene was probably one of the most emotional things I have ever seen. She worked on the palliative ward for 16 years but only got to stay there for 2 days when it was her turn to be a patient. I am thankful that my sister and I were able to be by her bedside to the end. There is so much more to her story but ........ not here I suppose. Anyway thanks for listening.

Lyle

[WV Sawmiller]

   I am sorry to hear it. There is no easy solution here. I just hope you remember the good times you had with her and honor her by being a better person because of her influence in your life.

[hacknchop]

I'm sorry, it's hard losing a sibling,please accept our heartfelt condolences.I lost my brother at the end of November 2019,still hard to get used to fact that he's gone,been in a funk all winter.  

[SawyerTed]

So sorry for your loss.  God be with you!

[dgdrls]

Lyle and to all who have posted here, my condolences on the loss of family and friends.
I believe having a board like this helps.  It allows folks to share their thoughts and feelings.

D

[Bruno of NH]

Sorry for your loss sir.

[samandothers]

I am so sorry.  I can not imagine losing one of my siblings.  That is sad.  I hope you may find peace.

[blackfoot griz]

That's because the frequency of loss increases as we age, Chuck.  

Not only do we lose more friends and family, it's been my observation that there is a cumulative effect.  Each successive loss stirs memories of the previous loss and the grief becomes compounded.  It can be almost impossible to explain why you suddenly come unglued when your dog dies and you seem to have held up through so much worse, but it's not just the dog, it's your spouse, and your grandmother, and your friend from high school, and your boss, and on and on, all over again.

Well put  Roxie.
My dad died of cancer in 2011. He was 79. Yesterday, I went to a funeral for a friend, father and husband. He died of colon cancer at the age of 51. A  career Secret Service agent, dedicated family man that left too soon. Sad...

[Grizzly]

Roxie's words make sense. Dad's passing was very hard for me at 20 years of age but we regrouped as a family and leaned on each other and moved forward as best you can. And then another support structure passes and we're caused to remember the earlier strain and it makes this one harder. Makes sense and makes me more aware of why I'm struggling with my sisters passing. Thanks again to the Forum.