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Exploding Pork

Started by SasquatchMan, December 27, 2003, 04:35:32 PM

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SasquatchMan

I swear this is true.

The bourbon and wine glaze on our Christmas ham ignited in the oven, blew the door open with a "whoompf", and scared the dingleberries out of everyone.  I'm thinking lawsuit. :D :D :-/
Senior Member?  That's funny.

Jeff

Yea, I think if I was that pig I'd sue yer butt too. ;)
Just call me the midget doctor.
Forestry Forum Founder and Chief Cook and Bottle Washer.

Commercial circle sawmill sawyer in a past life for 25yrs.
Ezekiel 22:30

Haytrader

Who ya gonna sue, bourbon distiller, wine maker, or the oven manufacterer?
I guess you wouldn't sue the cook............. ;)
Haytrader

Fla._Deadheader

Well, DUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHh  :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D
All truth passes through three stages:
   First, it is ridiculed;
   Second, it is violently opposed; and
   Third, it is accepted as self-evident.

-- Arthur Schopenhauer (1788-1860)

Frank_Pender

It sounds like you need to find yourself a rell hungry attorney. ;D
Frank Pender

SasquatchMan

I was thinking to sue the recipe writer, actually.   ;)  They said nothing at all about possible porcine projectiles.  It isn't surprising at all, but my wife isn't exactly a chemist and she just followed the instructions.  The ham was delicious -- one of the best glazes I've ever tasted.  But apparently highly flammable at 350!

Thanks for your support, Deadheader.
Senior Member?  That's funny.

Fla._Deadheader

 :D :D :D :D :D :D :D  Thought ya might preesheeate it, Sas.  ;D
All truth passes through three stages:
   First, it is ridiculed;
   Second, it is violently opposed; and
   Third, it is accepted as self-evident.

-- Arthur Schopenhauer (1788-1860)

Fla._Deadheader

Sasquatchman,

Went to bed and realised that my response was probably taken the wrong way. If it was, I apologize. I was reacting to the term "suing".
All truth passes through three stages:
   First, it is ridiculed;
   Second, it is violently opposed; and
   Third, it is accepted as self-evident.

-- Arthur Schopenhauer (1788-1860)

Duane_Moore

 :D :D :D told ya about cookin them piggies, God got ya for that one, what a funny story ;D                ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D :D :D :D :D :D :D         Duane
village Idiot---   the cat fixers----  I am not a complete Idiot. some parts missing.

SasquatchMan

Oi Deadheader, it takes a wee bit more than that to offend me.  In fact, having read the recipe, I sort of told my wife the same thing "What the hell d'ya expect?"

I just thought lawsuits were part of the American way - I'm trying to fit in! ;D

I hadn't seen the Biblical implications until just now... next year I'll bourbon glaze the turkey and leave the ham with mustard and honey - see what old G thinks of that. ;)
Senior Member?  That's funny.

Duane_Moore

 :D :D :D  Ol Deadheader,  maybe the answer to your Black Powder Detonator,,   hows about that Jeff?? :D :D :D :D :D :D
village Idiot---   the cat fixers----  I am not a complete Idiot. some parts missing.

woodmills1

Years ago Kathy and I decided to cook from aa old recipe that included a flambe(sp?)  Well we didn't have any brandy so we mixed some vodka with triple sec and pooof almost lit the ceiling on fire! :o
James Mills,Lovely wife,collect old tools,vacuuming fool,36 bdft/hr,oak paper cutter,ebonic yooper rapper nauga seller, Blue Ox? its not fast, 2 cat family, LT70,edger, 375 bd ft/hr, we like Bob,free heat,no oil 12 years,big splitter, baked stuffed lobster, still cuttin the logs dere IAM

dan-l-b

I'm with Jeff,  may be lucky no self respecting porker would wallow so low as to hire an attorney or ya might have a bigger explosion on your hands :D :D :D :D :D

L. Wakefield

   I've been doing 'marsala' recipes, and have learned to be sure the cupboard doors above the stove are closed prior to ignition. At the greatest extent I have had flames greater than 1' high. Sure is fun at my place- tastes good too.

   As far as the orig recipe you were talking about- plenty of those glazes just have a 'taste' of bourbon or wine, so I'd say the recipe itself was the problem.   lw
L. Wakefield, owner and operator of the beastly truck Heretik, that refuses to stay between the lines when parking

Mark M

It's a good thing your wife wasn't cooking baked beans with that glaze. We would have been reading about a big mushroom cloud over Alberta! :o

Couse that might be better than those small mushroom clouds that appear several hours after ya eat them beans. ;)

Texas Ranger

DanG, I thought he was gonna talk about our pet sow when she :o got into Grandpa's cooked out mash.
The Ranger, home of Texas Forestry

dan-l-b

I had a pet pig named Gertrude.   :D :D Found her orphaned at the back of our hog lot with eresephalis (SP) in her back legs.  I was living in an apartment in st louis at the time.  Had her trained to a litter box, at night she would sleep with me (i was single back then) straddling my neck.  As she got older and stronger she got louder.  Nieghbors complained and I returned her to the farm.  When she was big enough, I butchered her.  Sounds a little heartless but I figured that is what a hog aspires to - to be on thier masters dinner table. ;) ;)

Gus

Dan,
My uncle had a hankering for mutton. He always had a bum lamb around that he would invariably name "Lamb Chops". It always came up missing in the fall. When his kids were little they could never figure out where Lamb Chops went to. ;)
Gus
"How do I know what I think unless I have seen what I say?"

Percy

QuoteI swear this is true.

The bourbon and wine glaze on our Christmas ham ignited in the oven, blew the door open with a "whoompf", and scared the dingleberries out of everyone.  I'm thinking lawsuit. :D :D :-/


 :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D (said with a MAXWELL SMART accent) "Ah yes, the old exploding pig trick. Hey 99, you have any Grey Poupon?" :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D
GOLDEN RULE : The guy with the gold, makes the rules.

SwampDonkey

 :D :D laughing out loud  :D :D

Can you here me out there on the west coast?  ;D

I just had to read this thread he he he... ;D
"No amount of belief makes something a fact." James Randi

1 Thessalonians 5:21

2020 Polaris Ranger 570 to forward firewood, Husqvarna 555 XT Pro, Stihl FS560 clearing saw and continuously thinning my ground, on the side. Grow them trees. (((o)))

etat

Up until the year after we bought this place I hadn't helped kill hogs since before I was a teenager.  The kids I thought needed the experience at least once in their life.   So just before winter I bought a couple of them long bodied white hogs.  They were just a little over half grown.  As I only wanted to condition them for killing I put them in a VERY small stable.  Boarded it up real good with 2/4's.  Fed them a straight diet of shelled corn for about two months and all the water they wanted.   When we got ready to kill them I put a hog pole on my tractor.  Had a big barrel fixed to heat water in, sharpened the knives, cleaned the sausage grinder, got the sausage seasoning, got the suger cure salt, and sharpened all the knives.  

We killed both of the hogs the same day.  Early one morning.  (one at a time).  We had a big fire heating the water in the barrel.  We'd dip that hog in, pull him out, and start scraping the hair off.  Once we had him real clean and washed down we gutted him, and hung him in the barn.  Then we did the same to the other.  First thing we cut was the shoulders, the hams, the hog jowels, and the middlin (bacon).  We set these aside to be cured.  Now I'm not much on hog heads or feet so we gave these away to someone who wanted to make mince meat and pickle the feet.  Ugg.  

By then we had a small fire going under some big ole black washpots.  As we removed the fat, and the trimmins on the rest of the hog we'd cut them in small pieces to throw in the washpot to cook out the lard.  As it cooked out pieces of the skin and some trimmins of meat would cook to the top.  These are crispy but not blown up like pork skins.  Good eating hot and they are called cracklins.  You eat as you're processing the rest of the meat until it about makes you sick.  Some of the cracklins you save to make cracklin cornbread, and some you feed to the dogs.

Now, I've never tried chittlins so I just went ahead and discared the entrails, all but the liver.  I like fresh pork liver.  

The better cuts, especially the tenderloin gets trimmed and wrapped for the freezer.  

As I said, the hams, the shoulders, the jowels, and the middlins get salted down and hung to cure.  Some smoke these for a few days, but I just kept them rubbed down with suger cure salt for a few days until all the moisture is drawed out and they start curing.

A lot of the hog we cut  up for sausage. You need some fat with it.  We used sausage seasioning and red pepper flakes. .  What we had to do to get them right was season the batch, cook a few sausage, everybody taste a piece, and debate how much more seasioning they needed.  If you don't use too much right off the bat, you'll soon get it just right.    Oh, we ground all the sausage with a hand grinder.  Mother had previously bleached some sheets, didn't have old flower sacks, and sewed them together to pack the sausage in.  We hung the sacked sausage for a few days to cure before we put it in the freezer.  (Try buyin them kind in a store)

We poured up and strained the lard and used it for biscuits and cooking.  Now we don't do that all the time cause they say it ain't healthy, but boy does that lard make good biscuits, and for seasioning vegetables.  Cat fish deepfried in lard is fitten to eat too.

It was a long day for us amateurs doing all that.  Dad did the supervising, and kept us on track.  The first shoulder I had cut off we had seasoned and wrapped with aluminum foil and burried in the coals in the hole we had dug in the ground to heat the barrel.  Man, that was some good eating, and I think the whole experience was  good for the kids.  We haven't tried it again, whole hog, however about once a year or so we buy a small pig and skin and dress it and cook it in the ground whole. 8)
Old Age and Treachery will outperform Youth and Inexperence. The thing is, getting older is starting to be painful.

SwampDonkey

@ cktate

I'm not much for pork myself, except a slice of nice ham now and again but I know an 'ole gal that would be drooling over what you wrote. She is native and she loves pork and pork lard. The natives around here used to eat that lard with bread to soak it up.....mmmm mmmm good :D

My uncle takes care of the 'ole gal 3 days a week. She's 91 I think and an exception to heart disease theory, cause she also smokes :)


regards
"No amount of belief makes something a fact." James Randi

1 Thessalonians 5:21

2020 Polaris Ranger 570 to forward firewood, Husqvarna 555 XT Pro, Stihl FS560 clearing saw and continuously thinning my ground, on the side. Grow them trees. (((o)))

oldsaw-addict

I aint never seen no pork covered in flammable things put in the oven blow up before, but then again, I aint never tried puttin no pork in the oven with somethin that'll cause fire or an explosion before either. Of course this is what happens when you rut somethin covered with bourbon in the oven, it catches fire the pressure builds and the thing goes shootin out like it was fired from a cannon.  :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D Maybe I better shut up now. :-X
Let there be saws for all mankind!

SasquatchMan

 :D :D :D
IT DOESN'T SAY "FLAMMABLE" ANYWHERE ON THE BOTTLE!!!!!
Senior Member?  That's funny.

Duane_Moore

 :Pck.  did ya make any lye soap?? boy can I remember that stuff. had my mouth washed out with it many times.  Duh---Duane ???  fresh side pork... my fovorite ;)
village Idiot---   the cat fixers----  I am not a complete Idiot. some parts missing.

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