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Clever one liners to thwart talk down tactics from manipulating customers

Started by woodbowl, January 06, 2006, 01:10:17 PM

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woodbowl

   It starts off very subtle, hows it been goin' buddy? I've heared you do a fine job, that's why I called you. I know you make big money so I got you some big ole' money maker logs to fly through. pecker poles ... Then the mood tapers a bit after the sawing starts. Why did you do that? Why didn't you do it the other way? The other fellow I had to saw for me is preee...ty good, he didn't do it that way.  Things need to go smooth from start to finish so I try to refrain from replying in a stern manner. Sometimes, what I would really like to say is, you need to get your foot off my gizzard, get in your truck and quit trying to suck up to drop the big bomb. Who's got time to teach the customer how to saw wood? I would really love to lolly gag around, spend half the day talking and even give them a big break like a buddy at my choice, but I can't. I have a family to support. When I'm really tired, It seems more personal because they are taking from my family. What are your customers phrases and what are your replies? Here are a few of mine:

Them--- Why are the boards bowed?
Me--- Because it's wood!-   Because it is relieving stress.

Them--- You only worked 6 hours and made $175. That's good pay.
Me--- You must think that all the work is done at the mill. I was up till  midnight sharpening blades for today. Got gas, wear & tear, vehicle ect.

Them--- I don't like to pay $25 for a nail blade.
Me--- I don't like to pay $25 to hit your nails.

Them--- after the job is over and making out the bill: You aught to give me a price break for this being such an easy job and for all the buisness I send your way.
Me--- That's like saying, now that the job is over I think I'll raise my rates over what was agreed on because I'm such a good sawer.

Them--- Some of these 20' boards are thicker on the end. What's wrong with your mill?
Me--- Now you know why they call it rough sawing. Now you know why they make planers.


.......
Full time custom sawing at the customers site since 1995.  WoodMizer LT40 Super Hyd.

Cedarman

Buyer:  The last guy I bought cedar from only charged 80 cents a foot.
Me:  Well, he knew what HIS lumber was worth.

Buyer:  I'll be back tomorrow to pay for it.
Me:  It'll be here when you get here.

Buyer:  Some of this lumber has bark on the edges. Or, I can't use this whole board because of that bad knot.
Me:  Perfect lumber requires a perfect price.  How good of a board do you really need?
Buyer:  I can't have any defects.
Me:  Ok, but I'll have to change my quote based on the new specs.

Buyer:  How small an order will you take?
Me: Nothing less than one board. If I cut it in two, then I'd have two boards.
I am in the pink when sawing cedar.

Cedarman

Just remembered their best ploy.
Buyer: I am looking for a price on a 1000 feet of lumber. (Comes by driving a minivan)
Me:  Oh, about $1.00 per foot.
Buyer:  That sounds real good. I don't have my truck with me today.  I was wondering if I could get about 40 feet and see how it works out and I'll be back in a few days to get a big load.
Me:  Sure I'll sell you 40 feet. 
Buyer:  Whips our $40.00,  Says $40.00, right.
Me: No, that price was for big quantities. Price is $60.00 for small quantities.
One of 2 scenerios follows.
1st scenerio Buyer:  That sounds fair to me.  I'll be back later with my truck.
2nd scenerio Buyer: Hey, you said $1.00 per foot. I told you I'd be back.
Me: I just don't like worrying about whether you'll be coming back. This way it doesn't matter.
I am in the pink when sawing cedar.

Bro. Noble

milking and logging and sawing and milking

Murf

Them: How come you want so much extra for seasoned firewood, all you did was leave it a pile for a couple of years, I can buy fresh cut for $XXX a cord?

Me: Can I use your yard & borrow $25,000 from you interest-free for a couple of years?  ;D
If you're going to break a law..... make sure it's Murphy's Law.

pigman

Me  -              The bill is $500 for the 2500bd I sawed.
Customer-   You are getting rich sawing. I think I will get a mill so I
                    can make big money like you.
Me  -          What brand do you want, I have the phone numbers  of
                   several good companies that sell mills..               
Things turn out best for people who make the best of how things turn out.

woodbowl

1st customer:  Your gona' have to cut the wane off them boards, I can't build nothin' with that! .............. So I saw the mans wood, spend extra time and cut my profit for framing studs! Just try to please the customer and GET GONE.

Next job, different customer farmers ect: (now I'm sorta' programed to continue to saw this way)
Boy .............! yer waistin' my wood! Don't you cut that edge off!
Full time custom sawing at the customers site since 1995.  WoodMizer LT40 Super Hyd.

Daren

Quote from: Cedarman on January 06, 2006, 01:32:15 PM

Buyer:  I'll be back tomorrow to pay for it.
Me:  It'll be here when you get here.


I don't have any quotes to add, but I sure like that one. I think I am going to write it on my hand so I don't forget it. Cash and carry.
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

Jim_Rogers

After the truck is loaded and the bill paid:
Customer: "I might need one more board, can I take one more now?"
me: "if it goes down the driveway, it goes paid for......."
Whatever you do, have fun doing it!
Woodmizer 1994 LT30HDG24 with 6' Bed Extension

Ron Wenrich

Cusotmer  "How much do you want for your lumber"

Me  "$5 a board foot."

Customer  "Sounds like you're a mght bit high, don't ya think?"

Me  "Well, you asked me what I wanted, now we're dickering about price. "
Never under estimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

Tom

"How much do you charge to saw?"

"Twenty cents a board foot."

"For one by's?"

"yes"

"How much for 4x4's"

"twenty cents a board foot".

"That's not right."

"Why?"

"You can cut 4x4's with less sawing.   They should be cheaper."

"Oh!   Yeah, I guess you're right.    One bys are fifty cents a board foot."

Tony

      Him.. How big are the boards?

      Me... Well they're Random Width, Random Length @ 75 cents/bdft

      Him... How much is that per board??????? ??? ??? ???

                     Tony 8)
TK1600, John Deere 4600 W\frontendloader, Woodmaster718 planer\moulder, Stihl MS461 Stihl 036 & 021 & Echo CS-370
"You cannot invade the mainland United States.  There would be a rifle behind each blade of grass."  Adm. Isoroku Yamamotto ( Japanese

WV_hillbilly

 Buyer:  I'll be back tomorrow to pay for it.
Me:  It'll be here when you get here.

  This goes with this also :   In God we trust , all others pay cash !
Hillbilly

Brad_S.

Them: How much is your cherry?
Me: $4.75 a bdft.
Them: I can get it for $4.50 at so and so's. (an hour and a half drive away)
Me: Tell so and so I said hello.
Them: But I don't want to drive all that way!

OK, so here is where I drop the ball. ::) I know that you shouldn't feed the family pet from the table, it only encourages more of the same behavior. So I know I should repeat:

Me: $4.75 a bdft.

but the sap in me usually knocks a few cents off my price. They only get away with this once though. I too make a list and check it twice! I always scale in the customers favor, but when someone who played me on the last sale returns, I can scale as tight as the best of them! ;D

A former local sawyer used to claim he sold his lumber by the 'leverite' system. The cost is $X per bdft. If you don't like the look of a given board at that price, 'leverite' there, the next guy might like it.
"Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans." J. Lennon

SwampDonkey

I've heard it all to when my father was farming. Only it was employees wanting advanced week's pay on their first day's work. It gets worst from there on.  ::)
"No amount of belief makes something a fact." James Randi

1 Thessalonians 5:21

2020 Polaris Ranger 570 to forward firewood, Husqvarna 555 XT Pro, Stihl FS560 clearing saw and continuously thinning my ground, on the side. Grow them trees. (((o)))

tmullen

 Customer: I'll give you hafe of the wood you saw off my place.

Me: Which half  :D :D
when in doubt
fire out

Brucer

Cutomer (getting in the way): "Can I help you with that?"

Me: "Sure, but it'll cost you 30 bucks an hour."
Bruce    LT40HDG28 bandsaw
"Complex problems have simple, easy to understand wrong answers."

woodbowl

Quote from: Brucer on January 06, 2006, 11:32:30 PM
Cutomer (getting in the way): "Can I help you with that?"

Me: "Sure, but it'll cost you 30 bucks an hour."

:D :D Reminds me of. ....  Rates: $40 per hr. - If you watch $60 per hour - If you help $80 per hour.
Full time custom sawing at the customers site since 1995.  WoodMizer LT40 Super Hyd.

Engineer

Cedarman, when the guy comes back for the other 960 feet, you could knock $20 off the price. 

Or just keep it for the aggravation.   ;D ;)

Cedarman

Engineer,  if they come back for a big order, I always throw in a few extra boards, usually boards that are good, but not the very best and let them know those are some freebies.  I have found that most people want to be treated fairly.  They know small orders are more expensive, they just try to get the price down.  Those people that can get the price down real low think of it as a game, a game I refuse to play.

Buyer:  Can I sort through that stack?
Me:  Sure, but the price per foot just doubled and you have to restack just like you found it.
Buyer: Oh, well, can you get me some boards with these specs?
Me: Sure can.

(Ever see a lumber stack at Lowe's at the end of the day?)
I am in the pink when sawing cedar.

Jeff

Quote(Ever see a lumber stack at Lowe's at the end of the day?)

Did ya ever try buying something right off the top of one of those stacks at Lowes?  :o
Just call me the midget doctor.
Forestry Forum Founder and Chief Cook and Bottle Washer.

Commercial circle sawmill sawyer in a past life for 25yrs.
Ezekiel 22:30

Mike_Barcaskey

customer over the phone  "I have a tree I want taken down, come on over"

when I get there the tree is in the lines, over the house, crap, crap, crap

customer  "I'll let you have it for the firewood"
me     sorry I have no come back, I'm usually way to ticked off to say anything else than "No thanks, here's my card when you figure out you're going to have to pay to have that tree taken down"
then when they call back the price usually is 50% higher
It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

Tim

I had one fellow around here a few years ago looking at some 2x8x16 red pine. It was nice stuff. At any rate, he then proceeded to ask "Can I borrow 10 of these for he weekend? I want to move a garage."

I was kind of dumbfounded and replied with a "You want to what?!"

"I want to borrow some of these to strap my garage together while I move it."

I had to ask him if A&P allowed him to borrow tomatoes in such a manner. I don't know if he ever got it moved or not...
Eastern White Cedar Shingles

Mike_Barcaskey

Tim, that takes some really big ones or some really small brain cells
It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

Cedarman

Yup, Jeff, those piles of lumber at Lowe's is another reason to own a sawmill.

Caller:  How much is your lumber?
Me:  That's kinda like walking into Wal-Mart and asking how much is their cheese. Could you be a little more specific.

Caller: How long are your posts?
Me:  How long do you want them to be.

This actually happened about 5 years ago.
Guy loading up a load of slab wood when he shouldn't be and I happen to catch him:  Fellow down the road said they were free and I could take all I wanted

Me knowing he was lying: You know that same fellow told me you were coming and were going to give me $40.00 for this load. You wouldn't want to go to jail for stealing now would you?
I am in the pink when sawing cedar.

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