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Dealing with death of my child

Started by doug blotz, December 21, 2018, 01:26:25 AM

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doug blotz

I've never tried posting here before but my daughter and her unborn child passed unexpectedly this week and I'm having a very rough time. I can't seem to talk about it to anyone because I break down and just cry to hard to talk. I can't go anywhere or see anyone. She was 34 years old and her baby was due in around 4 months. I'm kind of old school when it comes to dealing with emotions and when something gets me down I usually grab a saw, head for the hills, and work it out literally. But I have no desire to do that and won't go anywhere because I can't stop crying. Does anyone have any experience with this kind of thing? Thanks,
                                                     Doug B.

WLC

I can't even begin to imagine your pain.  All I can say is you have my condolences and prayers.
Woodmizer LT28
Branson 4wd tractor
Stihl chainsaws
Elbow grease.

LeeB

Doug,
I have no experience with your loss and cannot even begin to imagine the pain. All I can do is offer my heartfelt condolences. The forum is a generous and caring group and it is good that you have reached out for support. 
'98 LT40HDD/Lombardini, Case 580L, Cat D4C, JD 3032 tractor, JD 5410 tractor, Husky 346, 372 and 562XP's. Stihl MS180 and MS361, 1998 and 2006 3/4 Ton 5.9 Cummins 4x4's, 1989 Dodge D100 w/ 318, and a 1966 Chevy C60 w/ dump bed.

mike_belben

i am tremendously sorry to read of your incredible loss doug.  More than anything else i have ever prayed for is to die before my children because i dont think i could go on, i dont want to even think about their passing.  Im scared senseless of not being able to protect em forever.

 I dont know if youre in a relationship with the Lord, but im certain He wants one with you. He has a way of putting us on our knees when its time for Him to take the reigns.  If you feel Him knocking, please open the door.   Too many people turn to the bottle, needle or noose when the pain is unbearable but they never ever find the cure in it.  Dont give in to satans calling.  Cast your cares upon the Lord.

The brightest mourning song i ever heard was the funeral by hank williams.  Keep in mind times were a lot different in '52.  But youll get the message, be happy that you were blessed to know the joy of fatherhood and know that she's at peace, with no pain or suffering, and that she wants you to be happy. Imagine the depth of love youd never have known if not for becoming a dad.  My kids are little but they always try to cheer me up.  Remember her at 5 or 6 making you laugh and cry until you can smile about her again. There is no time limit.  

We'll be praying for you doug.
Praise The Lord

doc henderson

Doug. You are facing the toughest challenge of your life.  Your family needs you and I hope your friends are there for you.  There is nothing I can say to make you feel better at this time.  It will take time to heal some, and you may never get over this entirely.  You loved your child and your yet unborn grandchild.  None of us could do any better than you are doing now.  Hang in there as best you can.  God bless you and your family.  
Timber king 2000, 277c track loader, PJ 32 foot gooseneck, 1976 F700 state dump truck, JD 850 tractor.  2007 Chevy 3500HD dually, home built log splitter 18 horse 28 gpm with 5 inch cylinder and 32 inch split range with conveyor powered by a 12 volt tarp motor

square1

Doug, I cannot fathom the pain you are enduring. I am praying God comforts you and your family. Under his wing is the only imaginable place I can suggest you will find relief. God bless and keep you man.
sq1

Logger RK

I understand what your going through. I lost my 28 year old son a year & 9 months ago. You can pm me if you wish. I send my condolences 

PA_Walnut

Doug,
Having a daughter of my own, just the thought brings tears. :( 

So sorry for your loss. This poem from Gilbran brought me great comfort after my mom's passing.
Praying for peace and comfort to you and yours this holiday season.  :)

Then Almitra spoke, saying, "We would ask now of Death."
And he said:
You would know the secret of death.
But how shall you find it unless you seek it in the heart of life?
The owl whose night-bound eyes are blind unto the day cannot unveil the mystery of light.
If you would indeed behold the spirit of death, open your heart wide unto the body of life.
For life and death are one, even as the river and the sea are one.
In the depth of your hopes and desires lies your silent knowledge of the beyond;
And like seeds dreaming beneath the snow your heart dreams of spring.
Trust the dreams, for in them is hidden the gate to eternity.
Your fear of death is but the trembling of the shepherd when he stands before the king whose hand is to be laid upon him in honour.
Is the shepherd not joyful beneath his trembling, that he shall wear the mark of the king?
Yet is he not more mindful of his trembling?
For what is it to die but to stand naked in the wind and to melt into the sun?
And what is to cease breathing, but to free the breath from its restless tides, that it may rise and expand and seek God unencumbered?
Only when you drink from the river of silence shall you indeed sing.
And when you have reached the mountain top, then you shall begin to climb.
And when the earth shall claim your limbs, then shall you truly dance. 
I own my own small piece of the world on an 8 acre plot on the side of a mountain with walnut, hickory, ash and spruce.
LT40HD Wide 35HP Diesel
Peterson Dedicated Wide Slabber
Kubota M62 Tractor/Backhoe
WoodMizer KD250 Kiln
Northland 800 Kiln

newoodguy78

Doug, you are living my worst nightmare, no one should ever have to deal with that kind of pain. I have an old friend that unexpectedly lost a daughter two years ago to terrible circumstances. He's hands down the toughest man I've ever known mentally and physically. I saw it take that hardworking,woodcutting,mountain of a smiling man to an absolute blubbering crying mess sitting on a stump in the middle of the woods asking me why it happened. I didn't and never will think any less of him for it.

Don't be ashamed to cry, hopefully you have friends around you and let them in. Friends are what helped my friend get through it, his wife dealt with it through friends and church. Both good choices. 

After two years they still grieve daily yet they have carried on. No doubt it's a struggle for them but they have learned to cope with it. 

I send my condolences and best wishes to you through this rough stretch of road you're now traveling 

Cedarman

I don't have words to give you. Others have spoken more eloquently.  I do have another shoulder for you to lean on and a hand to hold as you travel down this hard , hard road.
Will pray that you can find the support to make it through each day. 
I am in the pink when sawing cedar.

Old Greenhorn

Doug, you are going through the most horrible thing I could conceive of. My daughter is the same age and just the thought of something like that is more than I think I could bear. Although nothing like what you are going through, I have suffered some big personal losses in the past recent years that I have had difficulty dealing with and adjusting to. I certainly can't say what will help you beyond the good words I have read above. I can say that this is a very long process that you will have to work through, hopefully with the support of those around you. It will not happen quickly and each day is a challenge. You will never 'get over it'. This is now part of your life. But hopefully you will find a way to process it and hold all those loving thoughts dear to you. Despair is the thing that nearly broke me, I would feel weak to my knees at times for those first few weeks. That is when I needed friends and family the most, they helped me know that life, for me, would go on. I learned that for me, the best thing I could do was to take the memory of that loved one and all we had together and make that part of me, so that I could somehow carry on in this life for both that person, and myself. After a few years those memories that pop into my head now bring a warm smile instead of tears because the joy we shared is what I remember most and that seems to not fade one tiny bit.
 I don't know if any of these words provide comfort, probably not at this point because the pain is so very acute. But please try to wake up every day and fight the good fight. Do it because of your daughter and the Love you shared. She would certainly want this for you.
 I too like to 'work things off' when I feel crushed, alone and in the shop or woods, but sometimes that just isn't enough and you need to seek the help of friends, family, a cleric, or even a counselor. Don't discount these things. The first weeks are the very most challenging.
 I wish you peace, healing, and grace.
Warm Regards,
Tom
Tom Lindtveit, Woodsman Forest Products
Oscar 328 Band Mill, Husky 350, 450, 562, & 372 (Clone), Mule 3010, and too many hand tools. :) Retired and trying to make a living to stay that way. NYLT Certified.
OK, maybe I'm the woodcutter now.
I work with wood, There is a rumor I might be a woodworker.

thecfarm

I would be the same way. Nothing a matter with showing emotions at this very bad time. Lean on on your family and friends. They are there for you. I am here too. This is some very sad news.
Model 6020-20hp Manual Thomas bandsaw,TC40A 4wd 40 hp New Holland tractor, 450 Norse Winch, Heatmor 400 OWB,YCC 1978-79

florida

Doug.
There are no words I can say that will ease your pain. All I can say is that I will be praying for you and your family for God to help you bear the unbearable. Crying is honest emotion, let it go.
General contractor and carpenter for 50 years.
Retired now!

Chuck White

Like others have said, I cannot imagine the pain you're going through!  Your post brings tears to my eyes too!  I see you as one who doesn't know which way to turn at this time!  You have lots of support here on the Forestry Forum!  I'll be thinking of you, and I send my condolences!
~Chuck~  Cooks Cat Claw sharpener and single tooth setter.  2018 Chevy Silverado and 2021 Subaru Ascent.
With basic mechanical skills and the ability to read you can maintain a Woodmizer  LT40!

47sawdust

I lost my daughter,age 25,13 years ago.For a long time I felt that my shoes were filled with lead.I was fortunate to have a great wife ,family and friends who were there to prop me up.I couldn't imagine such a thing happening to me until I realized that I was only one of many who had lost a child.I was able to give support to others that shared my grief and in so doing have developed life long connections to these people.
You are going through the worst part now,it will get easier as time passes.I would urge you to keep trying to make connections to folks as you never know when you will be lifted up.Getting lost in work sounds familiar but it only took me so far.A trusted friend with a steady hand is invaluable.

I am terribly sorry for your loss.I send you hope and strength.
Mick
Mick
1997 WM Lt30 1999 WM twin blade edger Kubota L3750 Tajfun winchGood Health Work is my hobby.

Magicman

Oh what a tragedy.  I have a horror of being in your situation and I can only offer my Sincere Condolences during this difficult time.   
Knothole Sawmill, LLC     '98 Wood-Mizer LT40SuperHydraulic   WM Million BF Club Member   WM Pro Sawyer Network

It's Weird being the Same Age as Old People

Never allow your "need" to make money to exceed your "desire" to provide quality service.....The Magicman

Southside

Doug,

I am so sorry to hear of the loss you have suffered, I can not comprehend it. Know that the Forum is filled with genuine, kind, folks, and you are welcomed with open arms here. 
Jim
Franklin buncher and skidder
JD Processor
Woodmizer LT Super 70 and LT35 sawmill, KD250 kiln, BMS 250 sharpener and setter
Riehl Edger
Woodmaster 725 and 4000 planner and moulder
Enough cows to ensure there is no spare time.
White Oak Meadows

TimGA

Can not imagine the pain, have daughter same age. Know that we are standing by your side at this time. Praying for comfort for you and your family.
TK2000, Kubota L3130GST, grapple, pallet forks, 2640 Massey w/loader (The Beast) Husky saws Logrites One man operation some portable most stationary.

WV Sawmiller

   I doubt any of us here or anywhere can offer you true peace and comfort in this time of extreme grief. I certainly can't. I have a 38 y/o daughter who is pregnant and due the end of February and I am constantly worried something will happen but I have to trust she will continue to stay healthy. She loves children and works with sick and dying children every day at the Levine Children's Hospital in Charlotte.

   Don't be ashamed to cry, nobody will think less of you. I tried writing and suggesting several things to help you grieve and cope with her passing and realized I don't have the words for it. Please remember the good times and share them with friends and family. I always heard joy shared is doubled and grief shared is halved. You will remain in our thoughts and prayers and feel free to come back here any time.
Howard Green
WM LT35HDG25(2015) , 2011 4WD F150 Ford Lariat PU, Kawasaki 650 ATV, Stihl 440 Chainsaw, homemade logging arch (w/custom built rear log dolly), JD 750 w/4' wide Bushhog brand FEL

Dad always said "You can shear a sheep a bunch of times but you can only skin him once

gspren

First of all please accept my condolences. A good friend lost his young adult son this year and he took his wife to a support group for this thinking he was OK but his wife needed it and it ended up helping both of them.
Stihl 041, 044 & 261, Kubota 400 RTV, Kubota BX 2670, Ferris Zero turn

dgdrls

So very sorry,  my sincere condolences with thoughts and prayers to you and your family.

D


Roxie

You have my sincere condolences.  

I had an employee that had her 21 year old son pass.  She was greatly comforted by a group called 'Compassionate Friends.'   Here is a link to their website which has a chapter locator so if you'd like, you could find local meetings.  

The Compassionate Friends Non-Profit Organization for Grief
Say when

Jim_Rogers

So sorry to hear of your loss.

Jim Rogers
Whatever you do, have fun doing it!
Woodmizer 1994 LT30HDG24 with 6' Bed Extension

terrifictimbersllc

My deepest sympathy. I can't imagine. Dennis
DJ Hoover, Terrific Timbers LLC,  Mystic CT Woodmizer Million Board Foot Club member. 2019 LT70 Super Wide 55 Yanmar,  LogRite fetching arch, WM BMS250 sharpener/BMT250 setter.  2001 F350 7.3L PSD 6 spd manual ZF 4x4 Crew Cab Long Bed

lxskllr

I don't have anything to offer but my condolences. A guy I know from one of our clients used to go all out for halloween. He'd plan it all in the preceding months, then take off work a couple days to put it together with his kids. It was his favorite thing in the world. I got out of the business for a few years, but came back, and when halloween was approaching, I asked him what he had planned. Nothing. Turns out his son died in a car wreck during the period I was away. It was very sad and uncomfortable that I had asked. He offered me his decorations, but I declined.

Not sure what the point is. I suppose if a point is to be derived, it's that things will get better after awhile, but will never be the same. The only thing to do is keep on keeping on, and I hope you find the strength to do so.

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