You wont believe this!! - Flatulence Tax! True!

[KiwiCharlie]

G'day Guys,
I thought this was so funny - and maddening - I just had to share it!  Our Govt here in NZ has introduced a flatulence tax on our poor farmers, for the bottom burps emitted by almost any animal they own!  They will have to pay an annual tax of .72c per cow, and .09c per sheep, with other animals such as deer and goats also being taxed.  Chickens and pigs are excused!
This will raise over $8 million per year, which will go to research into reducing greenhouse gas emissions in NZ.  They say that animals produce 1/2 of our greenhouse emissions.  This has all stemmed from NZ signing up to the Kyoto Protocol on global warming.
I can see this bringing the farmers out onto the streets in protest, and as in the past - the spraying of manure out of tractor pulled spreading machines, onto various Govt buildings around the country!
Its even made CNN!

http://www.cnn.com/2003/WORLD/asiapcf/auspac/06/20/offbeat.nzealand.sheep.tax.reut/

http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2002/05/0509_020509_belch.html

Unbelievable!  So the next time I hear a cow emit a bottom burp/cut the cheese/let rip/rip loose/let fly/air poo/pass wind/backdoor trumpet/blow the trombone/break wind/cheek quiver/southerly wind/morning thunder/low flying ducks/barking spiders/air bubble/stepping on a toad/after dinner mint/back draft/love puff/belching down/carpet creeper/blanket bomb/prison break/rattler/squeaker/brown haze/thunder in the buns/bubbler (I could go on !!   ;) :D ;D), I will feel for our farmers!
Cheers
Charlie.

[Tom]

What!

Sounds like some of our Democrats have moved down there.

Taxing the natural function of an animal. How idiotic can someone be?  Are they planning on fining the human population also?  Both men and women partake even though they won't admit it. :D

That could create a long line at the courthouse. :-/

[Brian_Bailey]

Don't feel too bad for the farmers, costs are usually passed on to the consumers.

Speaking of emissions,  too bad gov't can't tax themselves :D !!  

[chet]

Gee the next time I feel the urge, I'd better hide.   ;D  Wouldn't want to be a tax burden on my family.    :D   :D   :D

[KiwiCharlie]

G'day Tom,
I can see it now - NZ is having a hard time reaching its Kyoto commitments, so all Kiwis are banned from eating beans, cabbage and flamed grilled foods!!   :D
You have to ask - What next? ???

Brian - that quip about Govt's was classic!!  So true.  What do they say - Never a truer word spoken in jest.  Brilliant.

Chet - yeah, thats what Im worried about!
Cheers,
Charlie.

[chet]

Maybe someone should be checking the hot air that the NZ politicians have been emitting!    ;)

[Tillaway]

California's idiot legislature will be all over this, except they would want some sort of meter attached. ;D  Just think of being a meter reader...pew. ;D

[KiwiCharlie]

G'day Tillaway,
You would be surprised!  A few months back, I saw an article on the news - they had sheep with masks (like a gas mask)  on their heads. and a recorder on their a$$, to record the emissions!!  Go figure.  I guess this is where they came up with the whole burping tax thing.  Who knows how politicians think.
If the world hasnt gone "Politically Correct" mad, its taxing you for passing gas.
Cheers
Charlie.

[Brian_Bailey]

Tillaway -

Meter reading is no longer a hazardous occupation.  In fact, it has become an endangered one.  

The power company just recently replaced their KWH meter for my house and business. The old one had to be read by a human. The new one is read electronically and can be read from a mile away along with 3000 other meters with just the push of a button. The sad part of this is the 300 jobs that were eliminated.

[Kevin]

Gather it up by the truck load and dump it at the parliament buildings.
Tell them you don't want to pay the tax and you are surrendering it.

[Tom]

I read a while back that the cows aren't a problem.  Do you know what creates the most Metabolic gas?  Termites.  Yep, those little white boogers that crawl around under the scrap lumber left on the ground and consume it and every stick it touches.  There's millions, quadrillions, rabitillions, goatpillions of the little suckers and they don't have to create much per each.

Can't you see the Bureaucrats trying to keep track of Termite gas?  Talking about jobs, that would create more than a few.

Now I wait for some government desk jockey to try to come up with a way to ensure that termites obtain building permits. :-/

[johnjbc]

Wait a minute, there is only so much carbon in grass or wood and it will eventually ether burn or rot turning the carbon into Carbon Dioxide. Carbon is a element and can't be created by cows, sheep or even bugs. 8) 8)
That Kyoto Protocol is Bull!#$%  >:( >:(Take a look at these articles on Global Warming
http://www.intellicast.com/DrDewpoint/ClimateWatch/GW/

[Tom]

We're not talking Logic here johnjbc. We're talking Environmentalist and Government bureaucrats. :D :D

Put termite methane in the google search bar for fun stuff to read like this........Straight Dope

[CHARLIE]

KiwiCharlie, here is your opportunity to become a millionaire. Invent a device that will fasten on the rearends of sheep that will capture the gas. Unload the gas into huge holding tanks and sell it to the electric companies to run their gas turbines or get a law passed that requires your govenment buildings to be heated with sheep flatulance. This could be a windfall (no pun intended.....well....maybe it was......for you. 8)  

[DouginUtah]

I was westbound on I-80 in Nebraska a few years ago. A car came up behind me and pulled out into the hammer lane to pass. As he was going by I noticed that he had a personalized license plate--"WIND". Well, I've been down the road a couple of million miles but that was the first time I had ever seen that one.

A few more miles went by and I caught up to him as he slowed down to look at the Archway over the freeway at MP 279. (IIRC).
I took my turn in the hammer lane and then it hit me. I was driving down the freeway passing "WIND".

True story--mostly!  :D

-Doug

[Frank_Pender]

Speaking of "wind", the Oregon Legislature is seriously working on a law that would tax those of us who have car insurance.  I have not been able to determine the rate of this tax, as yet, but we have had for some time a law that tell us we have to have car insurance.  At least liability.  Now is that is a Catch 22.  They make the tax law and then apply an additional tax because we have to obey the first law.  It makes one mad enough to clean the house and senate and try to start again.

[Furby]

Good luck on that one. Would be worth a try though!

[L. Wakefield]

G'day Tillaway,
You would be surprised!  A few months back, I saw an article on the news - they had sheep with masks (like a gas mask)  on their heads. and a recorder on their a$$, to record the emissions!!

LOLOLOL :D 8) :D 8) :D Do you have pictures?
Fart-o-meter!         lw

[KiwiCharlie]

G'day LW,
I dont have pics sorry!!  I saw it on the tv news - I must say it was a hoot!
Cheers
Charlie.

[Tim]

Same deal in Canada... The idiot feds have employees following cattle around out west measuring methane emissions. I'm thinking Belize might be a nice place to set up shop... Oooh the words said at this desk that I can't type here... >:(

[KiwiCharlie]

G'day Guys,
Well I thought it was time for an update!  The farmers of NZ have risen up as I predicted!  Mass public meetings have occurred.  Currently there is a convoy of farmers converging on the Govt buildings in Wellington - coming from the North and the South, gathering people along the way.
Letters have been posted to the Govt containing animal No.2's etc!
A recent survey of ALL New Zealanders, not just farmers, came out with an 80% result AGAINST the tax!  This will be a landslide protest Im sure.
I know that the tax is to raise NZ$8 million a year (part of the Kyoto Protocol we have signed to) to further research into the methane emissions from animals.  I also know that the Govt gets close to NZ$1 billion a year from tax on sales of cigarettes!  How about funding the research from that!?....
Anyway - a couple of you wanted to see a photo.  Well, I have found one of the apparatus used to measure the belching emissions from sheep - enjoy!  One hates to think what happens if the scientists forget to empty the chamber, and the sheep has an unfortunate explosion round its neck, due to excess pressure!!
Im sure the Govt will regret this one!
Normally Kiwis are quite apathetic - this one I believe will be different.
Cheers
Charlie.

[CHARLIE]

Kiwi, that is a strange looking apparatus. I wonder how much each one of those things cost. That could be DanG expensive to put on a whole herd. Plus, I can imagine the sheep are going to have some sore necks carrying one of those things around all day. Can you imagine how heavy one of those things would get in 8 hours?  Sheesh!  They oughta let the government people each wear one for a couple of days and see how they fair.  

[Tom]

Charlie, the bureaucrats will probably tell you that the lighter-than-air gases emitted from the animal will cause the contraption to be weightless in short order.  It will even begin to defy gravity and lift the animal from the ground causing fewer calories to be burned which will fatten the sheep, lessen the feed bill and grow more tender meat (since the muscles will not be working as hard.)

In the USA you can also buy the Brooklyn Bridge. :D

[KiwiCharlie]

G'day Guys,
Did you see all the brass fittings and valves etc on those things!  As with most Govt contracts - Im sure some company is charging at least $1500 a unit!!
Cheers
Charlie.

[CHARLIE]

Ahhhh but Kiwi, if your government is like ours, it's easy for them to spend money they don't have to work to get. Heck, our government will buy a hammer for $5000 and a toilet seat for $15,000.  Cost is never an object to the government. >:(