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Author Topic: Dealing with death of my child  (Read 2884 times)

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Offline doug blotz

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Dealing with death of my child
« on: December 21, 2018, 01:26:25 AM »
I've never tried posting here before but my daughter and her unborn child passed unexpectedly this week and I'm having a very rough time. I can't seem to talk about it to anyone because I break down and just cry to hard to talk. I can't go anywhere or see anyone. She was 34 years old and her baby was due in around 4 months. I'm kind of old school when it comes to dealing with emotions and when something gets me down I usually grab a saw, head for the hills, and work it out literally. But I have no desire to do that and won't go anywhere because I can't stop crying. Does anyone have any experience with this kind of thing? Thanks,
                                                     Doug B.

Offline WLC

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Re: Dealing with death of my child
« Reply #1 on: December 21, 2018, 01:29:50 AM »
I can't even begin to imagine your pain.  All I can say is you have my condolences and prayers.
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Offline LeeB

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Re: Dealing with death of my child
« Reply #2 on: December 21, 2018, 01:34:52 AM »
Doug,
I have no experience with your loss and cannot even begin to imagine the pain. All I can do is offer my heartfelt condolences. The forum is a generous and caring group and it is good that you have reached out for support. 
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Offline mike_belben

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Re: Dealing with death of my child
« Reply #3 on: December 21, 2018, 02:03:22 AM »
i am tremendously sorry to read of your incredible loss doug.  More than anything else i have ever prayed for is to die before my children because i dont think i could go on, i dont want to even think about their passing.  Im scared senseless of not being able to protect em forever.

 I dont know if youre in a relationship with the Lord, but im certain He wants one with you. He has a way of putting us on our knees when its time for Him to take the reigns.  If you feel Him knocking, please open the door.   Too many people turn to the bottle, needle or noose when the pain is unbearable but they never ever find the cure in it.  Dont give in to satans calling.  Cast your cares upon the Lord.

The brightest mourning song i ever heard was the funeral by hank williams.  Keep in mind times were a lot different in '52.  But youll get the message, be happy that you were blessed to know the joy of fatherhood and know that she's at peace, with no pain or suffering, and that she wants you to be happy. Imagine the depth of love youd never have known if not for becoming a dad.  My kids are little but they always try to cheer me up.  Remember her at 5 or 6 making you laugh and cry until you can smile about her again. There is no time limit.  

We'll be praying for you doug.
Revelation 3:20

Offline doc henderson

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Re: Dealing with death of my child
« Reply #4 on: December 21, 2018, 02:39:08 AM »
Doug. You are facing the toughest challenge of your life.  Your family needs you and I hope your friends are there for you.  There is nothing I can say to make you feel better at this time.  It will take time to heal some, and you may never get over this entirely.  You loved your child and your yet unborn grandchild.  None of us could do any better than you are doing now.  Hang in there as best you can.  God bless you and your family.  

Offline square1

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Re: Dealing with death of my child
« Reply #5 on: December 21, 2018, 03:26:24 AM »
Doug, I cannot fathom the pain you are enduring. I am praying God comforts you and your family. Under his wing is the only imaginable place I can suggest you will find relief. God bless and keep you man.
sq1

Offline Logger RK

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Re: Dealing with death of my child
« Reply #6 on: December 21, 2018, 05:54:07 AM »
I understand what your going through. I lost my 28 year old son a year & 9 months ago. You can pm me if you wish. I send my condolences 

Offline PA_Walnut

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Re: Dealing with death of my child
« Reply #7 on: December 21, 2018, 05:56:01 AM »
Doug,
Having a daughter of my own, just the thought brings tears. :( 

So sorry for your loss. This poem from Gilbran brought me great comfort after my mom's passing.
Praying for peace and comfort to you and yours this holiday season.  :)

Then Almitra spoke, saying, "We would ask now of Death."
And he said:
You would know the secret of death.
But how shall you find it unless you seek it in the heart of life?
The owl whose night-bound eyes are blind unto the day cannot unveil the mystery of light.
If you would indeed behold the spirit of death, open your heart wide unto the body of life.
For life and death are one, even as the river and the sea are one.
In the depth of your hopes and desires lies your silent knowledge of the beyond;
And like seeds dreaming beneath the snow your heart dreams of spring.
Trust the dreams, for in them is hidden the gate to eternity.
Your fear of death is but the trembling of the shepherd when he stands before the king whose hand is to be laid upon him in honour.
Is the shepherd not joyful beneath his trembling, that he shall wear the mark of the king?
Yet is he not more mindful of his trembling?
For what is it to die but to stand naked in the wind and to melt into the sun?
And what is to cease breathing, but to free the breath from its restless tides, that it may rise and expand and seek God unencumbered?
Only when you drink from the river of silence shall you indeed sing.
And when you have reached the mountain top, then you shall begin to climb.
And when the earth shall claim your limbs, then shall you truly dance. 
I own my own small piece of the world on an 8 acre plot on the side of a mountain with walnut, hickory, ash and spruce.
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Offline newoodguy78

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Re: Dealing with death of my child
« Reply #8 on: December 21, 2018, 06:13:06 AM »
Doug, you are living my worst nightmare, no one should ever have to deal with that kind of pain. I have an old friend that unexpectedly lost a daughter two years ago to terrible circumstances. He's hands down the toughest man I've ever known mentally and physically. I saw it take that hardworking,woodcutting,mountain of a smiling man to an absolute blubbering crying mess sitting on a stump in the middle of the woods asking me why it happened. I didn't and never will think any less of him for it.

Don't be ashamed to cry, hopefully you have friends around you and let them in. Friends are what helped my friend get through it, his wife dealt with it through friends and church. Both good choices. 

After two years they still grieve daily yet they have carried on. No doubt it's a struggle for them but they have learned to cope with it. 

I send my condolences and best wishes to you through this rough stretch of road you're now traveling 

Offline Cedarman

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Re: Dealing with death of my child
« Reply #9 on: December 21, 2018, 07:09:47 AM »
I don't have words to give you. Others have spoken more eloquently.  I do have another shoulder for you to lean on and a hand to hold as you travel down this hard , hard road.
Will pray that you can find the support to make it through each day. 
I am in the pink when sawing cedar.

Offline Old Greenhorn

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Re: Dealing with death of my child
« Reply #10 on: December 21, 2018, 07:18:37 AM »
Doug, you are going through the most horrible thing I could conceive of. My daughter is the same age and just the thought of something like that is more than I think I could bear. Although nothing like what you are going through, I have suffered some big personal losses in the past recent years that I have had difficulty dealing with and adjusting to. I certainly can't say what will help you beyond the good words I have read above. I can say that this is a very long process that you will have to work through, hopefully with the support of those around you. It will not happen quickly and each day is a challenge. You will never 'get over it'. This is now part of your life. But hopefully you will find a way to process it and hold all those loving thoughts dear to you. Despair is the thing that nearly broke me, I would feel weak to my knees at times for those first few weeks. That is when I needed friends and family the most, they helped me know that life, for me, would go on. I learned that for me, the best thing I could do was to take the memory of that loved one and all we had together and make that part of me, so that I could somehow carry on in this life for both that person, and myself. After a few years those memories that pop into my head now bring a warm smile instead of tears because the joy we shared is what I remember most and that seems to not fade one tiny bit.
 I don't know if any of these words provide comfort, probably not at this point because the pain is so very acute. But please try to wake up every day and fight the good fight. Do it because of your daughter and the Love you shared. She would certainly want this for you.
 I too like to 'work things off' when I feel crushed, alone and in the shop or woods, but sometimes that just isn't enough and you need to seek the help of friends, family, a cleric, or even a counselor. Don't discount these things. The first weeks are the very most challenging.
 I wish you peace, healing, and grace.
Warm Regards,
Tom
I ain't the woodcutter, but I can cut wood 'til the woodcutter gets here.

Offline thecfarm

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Re: Dealing with death of my child
« Reply #11 on: December 21, 2018, 07:19:52 AM »
I would be the same way. Nothing a matter with showing emotions at this very bad time. Lean on on your family and friends. They are there for you. I am here too. This is some very sad news.
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Offline florida

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Re: Dealing with death of my child
« Reply #12 on: December 21, 2018, 07:48:14 AM »
Doug.
There are no words I can say that will ease your pain. All I can say is that I will be praying for you and your family for God to help you bear the unbearable. Crying is honest emotion, let it go.
General contractor and carpenter for 50 years.

Offline Chuck White

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Re: Dealing with death of my child
« Reply #13 on: December 21, 2018, 07:48:29 AM »
Like others have said, I cannot imagine the pain you're going through!  Your post brings tears to my eyes too!  I see you as one who doesn't know which way to turn at this time!  You have lots of support here on the Forestry Forum!  I'll be thinking of you, and I send my condolences!
~Chuck~
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Offline 47sawdust

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Re: Dealing with death of my child
« Reply #14 on: December 21, 2018, 07:59:21 AM »
I lost my daughter,age 25,13 years ago.For a long time I felt that my shoes were filled with lead.I was fortunate to have a great wife ,family and friends who were there to prop me up.I couldn't imagine such a thing happening to me until I realized that I was only one of many who had lost a child.I was able to give support to others that shared my grief and in so doing have developed life long connections to these people.
You are going through the worst part now,it will get easier as time passes.I would urge you to keep trying to make connections to folks as you never know when you will be lifted up.Getting lost in work sounds familiar but it only took me so far.A trusted friend with a steady hand is invaluable.

I am terribly sorry for your loss.I send you hope and strength.
Mick
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Offline Magicman

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Re: Dealing with death of my child
« Reply #15 on: December 21, 2018, 08:02:51 AM »
Oh what a tragedy.  I have a horror of being in your situation and I can only offer my Sincere Condolences during this difficult time.   
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Offline Southside logger

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Re: Dealing with death of my child
« Reply #16 on: December 21, 2018, 08:04:11 AM »
Doug,

I am so sorry to hear of the loss you have suffered, I can not comprehend it. Know that the Forum is filled with genuine, kind, folks, and you are welcomed with open arms here. 
Jim
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Offline TimGA

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Re: Dealing with death of my child
« Reply #17 on: December 21, 2018, 08:46:16 AM »
Can not imagine the pain, have daughter same age. Know that we are standing by your side at this time. Praying for comfort for you and your family.
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Offline WV Sawmiller

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Re: Dealing with death of my child
« Reply #18 on: December 21, 2018, 09:07:03 AM »
   I doubt any of us here or anywhere can offer you true peace and comfort in this time of extreme grief. I certainly can't. I have a 38 y/o daughter who is pregnant and due the end of February and I am constantly worried something will happen but I have to trust she will continue to stay healthy. She loves children and works with sick and dying children every day at the Levine Children's Hospital in Charlotte.

   Don't be ashamed to cry, nobody will think less of you. I tried writing and suggesting several things to help you grieve and cope with her passing and realized I don't have the words for it. Please remember the good times and share them with friends and family. I always heard joy shared is doubled and grief shared is halved. You will remain in our thoughts and prayers and feel free to come back here any time.
Howard Green
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Offline gspren

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Re: Dealing with death of my child
« Reply #19 on: December 21, 2018, 09:12:08 AM »
First of all please accept my condolences. A good friend lost his young adult son this year and he took his wife to a support group for this thinking he was OK but his wife needed it and it ended up helping both of them.
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