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Author Topic: Wedding vows, Not mine..  (Read 1854 times)

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Offline Raider Bill

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Wedding vows, Not mine..
« on: June 03, 2019, 11:42:54 AM »
I've been tasked with performing a wedding.
Funny picking me!
It will be non religious.
I'm looking to put together some vows that will be a bit off the normal and humorous.
Any suggestions or ideas?
The couple have both been married before and have a 12 year old Son together.
They live in the mountains of Tenn. and are not related.
Any good lines?
The First 60 years of childhood is always the hardest.

Offline doc henderson

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Re: Wedding vows, Not mine..
« Reply #1 on: June 03, 2019, 11:48:33 AM »
every state has another state we pick on.  when we refer to Arkansas pronounced "arc un saw" not "are Kansas",  We like the saying, "so many people, so few teeth".  prob. not good at a wedding but I will keep thinking.  I know, glass houses.  My apologies to the great FF members from Arkansas. :D
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Offline Old Greenhorn

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Re: Wedding vows, Not mine..
« Reply #2 on: June 03, 2019, 12:06:00 PM »
.......

They live in the mountains of Tenn. and are not related.
Any good lines?
The fact that you felt the need to mention this particular detail made me smile. ;D :D
Any lines? Yeah, but....it will be  late at night by the time I finish reviewing the list of folks whose feelings I might hurt, so bette ;Dr to just shut up and see what more creative folks might offer.
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Offline WV Sawmiller

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Re: Wedding vows, Not mine..
« Reply #3 on: June 03, 2019, 12:24:33 PM »
   Congratulations. I trust everything will go off without a hitch - well if it does it won't be much of a wedding will it? :D

    If you can add some of the couples hobbies, likes and dislikes, phobias, etc. we might have some ammo to work with. 

    You might make some joke about why they picked you. Only one not on house arrest. Only one they did not owe money to. Only one who did not know them well enough to turn them down, etc. Good luck. 
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Offline Raider Bill

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Re: Wedding vows, Not mine..
« Reply #4 on: June 03, 2019, 03:20:19 PM »
  Congratulations. I trust everything will go off without a hitch - well if it does it won't be much of a wedding will it? :D

    If you can add some of the couples hobbies, likes and dislikes, phobias, etc. we might have some ammo to work with.

    You might make some joke about why they picked you. Only one not on house arrest. Only one they did not owe money to. Only one who did not know them well enough to turn them down, etc. Good luck.
I thought they were going with a local preacher but somehow I got picked. I don't understand their thinking given my marital tack record. I'm also cooking the reception dinner.
He's a millwright, she's a stay at home raising the kids. They are great parents both having come from crazy land themselves. They strive real hard to teach the kids respect and values.
Here's a few suggestions I've got so far,

 Couple suggestions I got have been
 
 Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing.
 
 To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
 
 I promise to take out the garbage, even in the pouring rain or freezing cold.
 
 I promise to turn on the air conditioning when you are hot, even if I am totally freezing.
 
 I take you to be my lawfully wedded husband, in sickness and in health, until death do we part or you turn into a zombie.
 

The First 60 years of childhood is always the hardest.

Offline Texas Ranger

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Offline Texas Ranger

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Re: Wedding vows, Not mine..
« Reply #6 on: June 03, 2019, 03:31:30 PM »
Preacher:  does you take him

Bride:  I does.

Preacher:   does you take her

Groom:  I does

Preacher:  You is, open the 'shine.
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Offline Holmes

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Re: Wedding vows, Not mine..
« Reply #7 on: June 03, 2019, 07:05:31 PM »
How about  "Love, honor, and obey"  Probably should say it to the groom :)
Think like a farmer.

Offline Raider Bill

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Re: Wedding vows, Not mine..
« Reply #8 on: June 04, 2019, 08:06:20 AM »
Preacher:  does you take him

Bride:  I does.

Preacher:   does you take her

Groom:  I does

Preacher:  You is, open the 'shine.
I can pretty much guarantee there will be shine. It's the holy water of the mountains.

The First 60 years of childhood is always the hardest.

Offline Roxie

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Re: Wedding vows, Not mine..
« Reply #9 on: June 04, 2019, 08:27:51 AM »
Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing.
 

I love them all, but that's my favorite. 
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Offline Raider Bill

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Re: Wedding vows, Not mine..
« Reply #10 on: June 04, 2019, 09:32:08 AM »
I need to figure old some kind or flow or order for the ceremony.
I suppose starting out "dearly beloved" is a good start.
The First 60 years of childhood is always the hardest.

Offline Peter Drouin

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Re: Wedding vows, Not mine..
« Reply #11 on: June 04, 2019, 06:10:36 PM »
Or, hay you-yall time for the hitching.  ;)
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Offline doc henderson

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Re: Wedding vows, Not mine..
« Reply #12 on: June 04, 2019, 09:43:24 PM »
introduction, funny opening story/attention getter, more serious real world down to earth based on your years of experience and presumed numerous marriages,  :D,  vows if they want, final story/advice, presentation of the new couple..

there was a couple who had been married 50 years and at the celebration of their anniversary, the man who rarely spoke, tapped on his glass.  He said i will tell you all the secret of our success.  he said on our wedding day, I sat my wife down and told her exactly how it was going to be.  i told her she could make all the minor decisions and i would make all the major decisions... and after 50 years, there has not been one major decision to make yet!!! :) :) :) :)
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Offline doc henderson

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Re: Wedding vows, Not mine..
« Reply #13 on: June 05, 2019, 10:36:05 AM »
The prev. story makes the women happy.  Now I have a tru "story" for the men.  There used to be a couple near Hutchinson, Ed and Edna Edwards.  Ed had been in the military and traveled the world.  Upon his return, he married the first girl he kissed, as it was back in the day.  They raised a family and Ed worked hard as a laborer, Edna maintained the home including the finances.  Every year as a treat they would attend the Kansas state fair, hosted in Hutchinson.  As they would enter the fairgrounds each year, there was a helicopter and pilot offering 1/2 hour helicopter rides for $50.  Ed always wanted to do this but Edna said no it is too expensive, we do not have that kind of money, "50 dollars is 50 dollars.  So after a few years the pilot could not take the bickering so he made them an offer.  I will take you  for a free helicopter ride, but neither of you can say 1 word or the ride will be $50.  They agreed and flew all around our town, and not one word.  the pilot began to worry as he was counting on someone saying something, so he started doing some manoeuvers such as steep dives and turns.  finally after over an hour, the pilot landed and turned to ED and asked, "I though surely someone would say something!"  Ed replied, " I almost said something when Edna fell out, but 50 dollars is 50 dollars"
timberking B 2000, 277c track loader, PJ 32 foot gooseneck, 1976 F700 state dump truck, JD 850 tractor.

Offline Raider Bill

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Re: Wedding vows, Not mine..
« Reply #14 on: June 05, 2019, 10:44:12 AM »
I suppose I should have paid better attention during my prior wedding ceremonies but I was either in shock, denial or slightly intoxicated. :D :D :D :D
The First 60 years of childhood is always the hardest.

Offline doc henderson

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Re: Wedding vows, Not mine..
« Reply #15 on: June 05, 2019, 10:45:50 AM »
or poss. all of the above!!! 8) :o ;D :D ;) :)  best regards.  are their any requirements by the state?  Are you ordained?
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Offline Raider Bill

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Re: Wedding vows, Not mine..
« Reply #16 on: June 05, 2019, 12:11:26 PM »
Ordained..... LOL by the church of what's happening now!
The First 60 years of childhood is always the hardest.

Offline doc henderson

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Re: Wedding vows, Not mine..
« Reply #17 on: June 05, 2019, 02:04:57 PM »
funny thing, my son and I got an invitation to go on a flight with a local air ambulance crew!!!  if they tell us not to talk, i am not getting in.  :D :D :D
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Offline Al_Smith

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Re: Wedding vows, Not mine..
« Reply #18 on: June 05, 2019, 03:05:02 PM »
For what's worth they took obey out of it decades ago .Love, honor and cherish remained as far as I know.
I've been down that isle twice ,first ended in divorce second in death .At my age it's out of the question .Besides that her last name is Smith already.At 71 years old the odds of her getting in the family way aren't real great . ;) 

Offline doc henderson

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Re: Wedding vows, Not mine..
« Reply #19 on: June 05, 2019, 11:15:38 PM »
for what it is worth, my son decided not to fly so my daughter Monique whet with me.  flew from the hospital over our house, to Monique's college she just graduated from, and right past the very fairground that Ed and Edna Edwards used to go to.



 



 



 



 
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Offline WV Sawmiller

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Re: Wedding vows, Not mine..
« Reply #20 on: June 06, 2019, 09:31:59 AM »
    Very pretty daughter. I'm glad she got her looks from her mom. :D We have a good friend in Greenville NC who is an ER doc down there and she does a lot of work with the flight crews getting and keeping them and the hospital certified and up to speed on all the applicable regs.
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Re: Wedding vows, Not mine..
« Reply #21 on: June 06, 2019, 10:57:48 AM »
Thanks WV, yes she is a bit of a Daddy's girl, and I wouldn't have it any other way.  My son really did not know what to expect and at the last minute bailed, and she jumped in to  bail him out.  She helps out at home and I do not think she could lie to save her own life.
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Offline petefrom bearswamp

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Re: Wedding vows, Not mine..
« Reply #22 on: June 06, 2019, 06:05:33 PM »
Dont have any suggestions on this.
Been married twice
Ignored the vows the first time 
Wont make that mistake this time around Cause I like my (mostly gone) manhood
Bill You deserve some cheese for doing this.
 PM me your Address again and I'll send a small amount gratis.
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Offline Hilltop366

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Re: Wedding vows, Not mine..
« Reply #23 on: June 06, 2019, 09:05:30 PM »
When the bride says "I do" you say "really?" then shrug your shoulders and say "Ok" and continue on....

Offline Raider Bill

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Re: Wedding vows, Not mine..
« Reply #24 on: June 10, 2019, 08:15:55 AM »
Good news and bad..

The good news is they have decided to write their own vows so all I have to do is "guide" the event.
The bad news is that due to a new law in Tenn. we have to do this on or before the 30th of June instead of 4th of July so I have less time to come up with proper attire.
The First 60 years of childhood is always the hardest.

Offline Roxie

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Re: Wedding vows, Not mine..
« Reply #25 on: June 10, 2019, 01:45:23 PM »
Don't go trying some new fashion
Don't change the color of your hair
You always have my unspoken passion
Although I might not seem to care

smiley_singsongnote01
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Offline doc henderson

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Re: Wedding vows, Not mine..
« Reply #26 on: June 10, 2019, 10:58:16 PM »
A man and wife were shopping in a grocery store.  The man put a case of 24 beers in the cart, on sale for 10 dollars.  the wife said 'we can't afford that, put it back"!  In the very next isle the woman found a jar of facial cream and put it in the cart.  The man objected but the wife said, "don't you want me to look beautiful?".  The man replied, "the beer would do the same thing for half the price!!!".  
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Offline Peter Drouin

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Re: Wedding vows, Not mine..
« Reply #27 on: June 11, 2019, 07:37:53 AM »
A man and wife were shopping in a grocery store.  The man put a case of 24 beers in the cart, on sale for 10 dollars.  the wife said 'we can't afford that, put it back"!  In the very next isle the woman found a jar of facial cream and put it in the cart.  The man objected but the wife said, "don't you want me to look beautiful?".  The man replied, "the beer would do the same thing for half the price!!!".  


How true. :laugh: :laugh:
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Offline PA_Walnut

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Re: Wedding vows, Not mine..
« Reply #28 on: June 11, 2019, 07:48:25 AM »
Q: Why are there so many unsolved murders in Tennessee?
A: There are no dental records and everyone has the same DNA 

Sorry...don't crucify the messenger.

;D :D ;D :D
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Re: Wedding vows, Not mine..
« Reply #29 on: June 21, 2019, 11:49:17 AM »
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The First 60 years of childhood is always the hardest.


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