Funny things kids say

[yukon cornelius]

Today my 3 year old told me my fossils look big and strong! I didn't know I had fossils yet but at least they are big and strong.

this got me thinking about all the funny things my boys have told us over the years. I thought it would be fun to hear what others have said.

[21incher]

Before my wife and I got hooked up to cable my grandson was over and had a hard time understanding why he could not watch his favorite tv programs at our house. My wife told him it was because we didn't have cable tv and he looked at her and said "That means that you and poppy are 1/2 Amish". We laughed for a long time after that.

[easymoney]

when my daughter ws about 5 she was doing something my ex did not approve of. she sai you are acting like a little kid. she replied i am a little kid.

[yukon cornelius]

when my  oldest son was about 3, we had just pulled in the driveway and saw a rabbit in the yard. he says "holy sh-- daddy a bunny wabbit" I knew it was time to change my vocabulary  :D

[drobertson]

Yea, heard this one the other day, a young one none family member, heard of our grand child coming, and told another teacher that Mrs. Robertson was having a baby!   she just missed the grand part! ;D  gotta love it right?

[yukon cornelius]

My oldest asked his grandma "Nana was there color when you were a kid?" 

since all the pictures and movies are in black and white :D

[WV Sawmiller]

Yukon,

    Don't we say we spend the first 12 months teaching the kids to walk and talk and the next 20 years telling them to sit down and shut up?

    I was working overseas assignments when my grandkids were born. My grandkids told my daughter I lived at the airport. (Think about it as a 3 year old - we drop Grandpa at the airport, 2 months later we pick him up at the same place. Ergo: He must have been there the whole time.)

[yukon cornelius]

"Mom, this dinner is really good and im not just saying that to be nice" ....oldest son

[Chuck White]

Yukon,

    Don't we say we spend the first 12 months teaching the kids to walk and talk and the next 20 years telling them to sit down and shut up?

    I was working overseas assignments when my grandkids were born. My grandkids told my daughter I lived at the airport. (Think about it as a 3 year old - we drop Grandpa at the airport, 2 months later we pick him up at the same place. Ergo: He must have been there the whole time.)

Kind of reminded me of the days when I was a School Bus Driver.

Once in a while one of the little guys would ask "what do you do all day at the bus garage?"

The little ones just can't see the whole picture.  I get some funny looks when I tell them that I go home and then come back in the afternoon to take them home.

[sawguy21]

 They come up with some doozies. My friend's daughter returned from her first summer camp, I asked her if she liked it. She said "it was ok but they made us wash dishes and make our beds". She was quite disgusted, I had to stick my fingers in my mouth and walk away. :D

[SawyerBrown]

I shared this on another post, but it's one of my favorites:

One of my favorite stories about my daughter Kate is when she was maybe 4 or 5, and she fell while running in the neighbors yard and got a good-sized gash on her knee.
"Kate, we really should go get stitches.  You don't want a scar on your knee"
"No, I don't want a scar on my knee"
   (Pause)
"Dad, what are stitches?"
"Well, that's where they take a needle and thread and kind of sew the skin back together"
   (Eyes wide) "I think a scar will be fine ..."

[Percy]

I like this thread... :D :D :D

My personal hygene had been obviously lacking when my 4 year-old grand daughter who was sitting on my lap said "Grampa, you have a mostache growing outta your nose."

[yukon cornelius]

Love these! Henry the youngest has marker marks on his nipple. I said "how did that happen?" he says with big eyes "the marker just jumped on my bimple"

[DeerMeadowFarm]

My oldest brother is 16 years older than me so he was married and had kids while I still lived at home with my parents. When his oldest child (my parents first grandchild) was around 3 or 4 we went to their house for Christmas morning. My nephew was quite excited! He took my parents by the hand and led them into the living room. With a flourish he exclaimed happily "There's the ----ing tree!!!!".
I turned to my brother whose face was red and asked "Have some problems setting the tree up this year Ralph?"

[beenthere]

They come up with some doozies. My friend's daughter returned from her first summer camp, I asked her if she liked it. She said "it was ok but they made us wash dishes and make our beds". She was quite disgusted, I had to stick my fingers in my mouth and walk away. :D

That is what my kids say now about their "life" when growing up at home. 

Irks me now when the grand kids come to stay and don't make their bed up when they get out of it in the morning. So figure they must not do it at home either.  :

[Seaman]

My youngest of 5, now 3 1/2,  was 2 1/2 years when he walked into the room and looked at me like he was gonna say something. So I'm looking at him waiting, he says " I had an IDEA... ( points to his forehead) ... but it got lost up here."

My 9yr old, when he was about 5 was watching a rooster " beating up on a hen" Looks at me in front of company and says " Daddy, you don't get up on Mamas back like that do you ? " That brought the house down, his Mama left the room about to wet herself !

[Cord-n-8R]

I don't know were my 4 yr. old grandson comes up with some of the stuff he does but one of the best ones was when he said he couldn't wait to go see Santa Clause to ask him when he would take him to the North Pole  :D... so what does he end up asking Santa?... "What's your middle name?"  :D :D :D Santa's reply?... Carl : :D 8)

[whitepine2]

 When my son was in kindergarten the class was going out to play
he came out and smelled the air and exclaimed cow sh--. The teacher
could hardly contain herself and told us when we picked him up
she was laughing so hard.

[martyinmi]

When my son was in kindergarten the class was going out to play
he came out and smelled the air and exclaimed cow sh--. The teacher
could hardly contain herself and told us when we picked him up
she was laughing so hard.

I cannot stop laughing! My wife thinks that I'm losing my mind sitting here laughing at the monitor! Good stuff! :D :D :D

[customsawyer]

Had a little 2 yr old girl staying at a friends house that she wasn't used to. She woke up crying so friend runs in to see what is wrong. She says "me don't know where me is." ;D I have lots of days at the mill that I feel much the same way.

[tree-farmer]

When my youngest niece was about 3 or so and starting to put together sentences and abstract thoughts I stopped by for a visit. She was a the kitchen table playing with some small plastic dinosaur models. I knew they had been to the Knoxville Zoo the week before, so I asked if she had seen any dinosaurs there.
She looked at me with a, you are about to dumb to live look and  says, "no uncle James, dinosaurs were long ago, back in the 60's before I was". Needless to say I about fell over laughing, it is still one of my favorite stories to tell about her.

[SawyerBrown]

When my brother was young, he wanted a new bike.  When Dad explained to him that they just didn't have enough money right now, he responded "That's OK, you can just write a check."

[SawyerBrown]

Apologize for repeating this one too ...

Kate was always the child we had to worry about. Both kids stayed in daycare right there at the hospital where their mother worked.  Kate was probably 3 or 4, Megan 5 or 6, and one day at supper we were asking them how their day in "school" was.  The conversation went something like this:
  Dad: "How was school today?"
  Megan: "Terrible!"
  Mom: "Why was it terrible?"
  Megan: "A bunch of boys got me in a corner and started saying bad words to me!"
We always knew we couldn't protect the kids from "bad words" forever, but this seemed like an awfully young age ...
  Dad: "What kind of bad words?"
  Megan: "Oh, things like 'dumb' and 'stupid' and things like that."
We had always taught the kids not to say things like that, yet we were relieved it wasn't much worse.
Kate had been listening the whole time ...
  Kate: "You just need to go tell the teacher!"
  Megan: "I couldn't!  They had me in the corner!"
  Kate, without looking up from her supper, "Well, then just kick 'em in the nuts!"

[sawguy21]

 :D  :D :D You told that one before but it is still funny.

[yukon cornelius]

we had some goats a while back and our youngest, henry, would squat down and point and say "EWWWWW doat poopy" stand up go find more and do it again

[thecfarm]

Grandson was maybe 3-4,had him in the garden. I think he pointed at every "madtor" in the garden and said madtor nice and loud. He was mighty excited to see tomatoes.

Than he loved to see trees fall. I would take him and cut some down just for him. We would go look at each and every tree and I would tell him what I was looking for and why. Not that he understood,but it is part of learning. When I would get done talking and showing him what and why,I would tell him,go to the tractor. Tractor was parked way off,but in a place so he could still see. No keys in the tractor either. He would stop and play along the way and look at things and I would tell him to keep moving. He had to sit on the tractor seat so I could keep track of him. Would take a few minutes to make the "long" journey. But that was fine,he,we was having a good time. After the tree was on the ground,I would give it a few minutes to settle down and would tell him,"all set" He would jump off that tractor and that long journey was mighty quick than.

[Roxie]

When my granddaughter (pictured to the left) was three, her mommy and daddy (my son) decided not to have any more children.  He had the snip snip operation the week before Easter.  On Easter morning, Lindsay was dressed in her finest and as she ran to sit next to her Mom Mom Joyce in church, she tripped and propelled her hips into the chair next to Mom Mom.  The room grew quiet, and Lindsay grabbed herself and said, "My balls are killing me!" 

[timberlinetree]

I told the 4 yr old something was on his fore head. The 3 yr old said" any thing on my 3 head".
With kids had to change some words and started saying holy cow. The little one started saying holy chicken. One of the best things about easing kids is the things they come up with. :D

[Just Me]

Yukon, I just noticed that you are in Wheatland.

My brother and I raced at the track there in the off road races at the Lucas track there a few years ago. When everything was all set up I spent an afternoon driving around the back roads around there. That is some beautiful country! I thought about moving there for a while I liked it so much. Nice place to call home.....

Larry

[Roxie]

The three head is very funny.  Children are so literal.   :D

[starbits]

When my oldest was 2 she told me she was tired as a rock.  "Rocks are tired?" I asked.  "Yes" she replied "Rocks are always sleeping."    Many times I have been tired as a rock.

At 3 years old I was waiting to turn left at a light and she said
"Go Dad"
   "There is a car in front of us I have to wait for him"
She leaned toward the open window and yelled
"Move"
"Get out of the way"
"What are you waiting for Christmas"
Then she looked at me and said "Push him Dad!"

That impatient child is now 21 and shares the road with the rest of us.

Starbits

[yukon cornelius]

Yukon, I just noticed that you are in Wheatland.

My brother and I raced at the track there in the off road races at the Lucas track there a few years ago. When everything was all set up I spent an afternoon driving around the back roads around there. That is some beautiful country! I thought about moving there for a while I liked it so much. Nice place to call home.....

Larry

The Lucas track is really nice and very affordable. we go to the monster truck show every year. we had always gone to an indoor arena for them before so the outdoor style was amazing when they have room to really run! we are about 10 miles north on Truman lake. great area!



After my grandpa died I had inherited his Santa costume. He had been a Walmart santa for a long time. one Christmas eve we were at my mothers house for family Christmas. We were living in town on the street behind their house. I told the adults I was going to dress up in the costume and peek in the window. "don't let the kids out!" I sneak over and peek in. the adults saw me and told the kids to look. That's when the rowdiest kid yells "GET SANTA!"  as things generally go no one guarded the door and all the kids run to the door. I take off running. The pants didn't fit very well and wouldn't fit over other pants but for just a short walk  over it was no big deal I don't need a belt right? oh no! I am running as fast as I can across the yard with santa pants half down. They were closing in fast so I baled into our camper and had to hold onto the door to keep them out.  :D Last time I played Santa for them  ;D

[yukon cornelius]

"Hey Dad, Dodge (our mastiff dog) was sniffin my butt...he said it smelled like carrots...." Henry

"Hey Dad, I need something to eat to make me bigger like you and bubby and momma...I wanna be longer and longer like you" Henry

"Hey momma, did you know that starfish have eyes on there arms?" Henry

[sawguy21]

I heard a good one today. Dad was complaining about his kids and remarked that it appeared intelligence had skipped a generation. His son retorted "Grandpa said the same thing".

[scleigh]

Last weekend I sawed pine logs for a customer and my son, who's 3, came out and played in the saw dust and drove his gator around as usual.
On Sunday night, he looked at me and said " dad, I want some real tools. I need a chainsaw that will cut( he has a toy Husqvarna) and a real screw driver; I'm ready to start cutt'n some logs".
I didnt know weather to cry or laugh.


 
Pic of my son last spring on his tractor that he broke the front axle and bucket off of......he's rough on equipment!!!!!

[SawyerBrown]

 :D :D :D

especially the part about the screw driver!   :D :D

[JohnW]

As my youngest son was mounting a TV on the wall, his oldest son (about 3 or 4) came in to the room.  The conversation went something like this.

Daddy, you're making holes in the wall.
Don't tell Mommy.
MOMMY, Daddy's making holes in the wall.

[sandhills]

 ;D

[Roxie]

I was visiting my (then) six year old grand daughter, Sarah, and I commented on how pretty she looked in her dress.  She said, "I wish I wasn't a girl."  I said, "Sarah, why would you say that?"  She said, "I don't want to have children, I don't like children."  I told her that having children will be her decision, and she asked me who I knew that didn't have children.  I named three Aunts that were very happy and never had children.  She looked at me, and said, "Granma, did you have children?" 

[Magicman]

That's priceless and from the mouth of a babe.   

[rjwoelk]

We raised horses on our farm, and my daughters 6, 8, 9, were on hand when we used the 3 year olds stud for the first time.
They cheered him on, like when he got kicked and started at the mares head, called out " wrong end jerrico" then after the job was done and he slide off the mare my olds says "Dad I think he has a smile on his face"

[rjwoelk]

My youngest daughter 7
requested having her stud gelded so she could go riding with me. So the vet came out gelded him, he was recovering when my daughter came running off the school bus  she runs up to us and asked very excitingly " Did he lose them did he lose them? The vet nearly died laughing. Then she walks over to jerrico and pets him and says " you'll be a better horse for it."

[yukon cornelius]

I love all these!

Today, from my oldest, as we are working in the shop, " do other people think we smell?" i looked at him puzzled for a bit and I said "well I hope not" he says "Oh! I meant to say like cedar"

[Don_Papenburg]

scleigh, You should know better than to buy a working boy plastic tools . Deere has metal machines in his size that will hold up to a kid sized job . Or you might have to get him some real tools. ;D

[Magicman]

When Marty was about 8 years old, I starting buying him "real" tools.  Every Christmas it was a set of wrenches/sockets/screwdrivers/drill or whatever else.  I told him that he either had to learn to do stuff himself or make enough money to pay someone else to half do it.  Good lesson learned, and he is passing it on.

[scleigh]

@Don_Papenburg  , I came in from work this evening and cut grass till dark. Graham, my son, came out and helped me blow off the mower and put it up. He told me he was ready for a john deer lawn mower, but he would need long sleeved shirts, long sleeved pants, safety glasses and ear plugs.......to keep the grass off his body.

Where do they get this stuff? :D

[yukon cornelius]

Our youngest son is very lets say, particular. Things have to be just exactly right. foods have to be exact shapes or colors. things have to be in certain orders and change is very difficult for him. We don't know why he is this way but god made him this way for a reason so we LOVE him to pieces!

He has such a huge imagination. he plays with imaginary tools and toys and friends even though he has real ones. some times he wants me to help with him with his imaginary work and hands me an imaginary tool. then he looks at me and says "Dad, you cant hold it like that" and takes the imaginary tool away, turns it around or upside down and hands it back  :D

[SawyerBrown]

 :D :D :D

When the girls were little (maybe 7 and 5), one of the things they wanted for Christmas was a "Barbie car".  Now, no kids of mine are going to drive a "Barbie car" (even tho they ARE girls), so "we" decided to get them an off-road go cart -- little 5-hp Briggs, knobby tires, etc, including "short" pedals -- that they could buzz around in on our 9 acres.  Maybe a little young, but we figured they'd grow into it.

Both were thrilled!  As luck would have it, on Christmas day we had a couple of inches of snow on the ground, and the girls wanted to go right out and try it.  Megan, the older and more conservative, said she's the oldest so she could go first.  So we suited her up, including my full-face motorcycle helmet, and showed her how to make it go and how to turn.  She did great, taking it nice and easy and understanding how it worked.

Finally it was Kate's (my wild child) turn, so again the full-face motorcycle helmet (which looked even more ridiculous on a 5-year-old) and a basic demonstration of the controls.  Well, she gets in, punches the accelerator to the floor, and off she goes, shooting a rooster tail of snow about 10' high, doing doughnuts around the fruit trees, getting going full speed and then sliding sideways.  After a couple of minutes of this she pulls up beside us, whips off the motorcycle helmet, and with a big grin declares, "Dad, I think I finally got the hang of it!"

[Magicman]

"Dad, you cant hold it like that"  :D

Maybe he is just practicing to be a teenager.   

[yukon cornelius]

I will now tell one on me  ;D One Christmas I wanted a Gi Joe fortress thing that was so amazing. I got a different version instead. it had a desk thing in  it that slid up and down and it was installed upside down. I said "Santa sure must be dumb, he put this on upside down!" I was quickly assured that he was not dumb and it was taken away for a while until I realized who was the dumb one  ;D I think I might have realized where henry gets his orneriness from.

[JJ]

I gave my daughter a barbie car when she was 5.  quite fun but first time she drive it...
I charged the battery, installed battery under hood, place daughter into driver seat, seat belt on; and she promptly runs over 3 year old brother who was looking under hood 

End up picking up entire jeep, with daughter still in driver seat, wheels still spinning.
No injuries, and we still are laughing about it  :D 

Here is picture right after the tragic traffic accident:



  

       JJ

[Roxie]

 :D

[dgdrls]

When my son was younger we were at a family week-end BBQ and he learned his Uncle was a  Volunteer Fireman and a Plumber .
When we returned home he said with a serious expression,  "When I get bigger I want to a Fireman and a Plunger just like Uncle Glenn!"

What a hoot,  he is a Volunteer Fireman now, but I don't believe becoming a Plunger is in his future :D

DGDrls

[WV Sawmiller]

Our neighbor's daughter, Reagan, was about 4 years old and wanted a battery powered truck similar to the Barbie car above. On Christmas Eve her dad went in to check on her and found she had her pop gun in bed with her. he asked her why and she said if Santa did not bring her truck she was going to shoot him in the butt.

A few days later after Reagan had gotten her truck they heard a noise in the night and got up and found Reagan had Caleb, her infant brother, in the backseat and she was headed out. They asked her where she was going and she said she was going to see Grandma Bucky (she could never pronounce my wife Becky's name). Why Caleb never cried or whimpered we never knew. Oh yeah - we live a mile from her. They had to install barrel bolts out of her reach to be sure she did not take off again.

[yukon cornelius]

Hooray for me! I must have lost some weight. Henry told me im shaped like a letter L and not an O anymore  ;D

[scleigh]

My son, who's obviously a comedian at 3 years old, likes to wear costumes. He has  fireman, cowboy, policeman, spider man and super man costumes. I know, sounds like the village people.

He wants to wear one of these costumes everywhere we go. I used to fight it at first, but now I think it's hilarious, I guess because it drives my wife crazy. The staff at the local Mexican restraunt  call him senoir policia and el bombero.


 

Yesterday he had on the spider man costume, with cowboy boots, and we were looking at some of the logs I had. He was climbing all over them and I said Graham, you're gonna tear your spider man costume if you dont stop. He said" spider man knows what he's doing".

[beenthere]

Needs a hard hat to make his outfit complete... He looks like a lot of fun. Keep him good and safe but still havin fun.

[SawyerBrown]

Cute kid!  And obviously very bright.  That's hilarious!

[Roger2561]

I've been single all my life and I have no children.  But, I have many siblings (8 of them; 6 brothers and 2 sisters) thus many nieces and nephews.  The one thing I learned early on is they will "learn" every word they hear.  Many years ago when the oldest nephew was approx. 4 years old he watching all of his uncles cutting into a pile of logs for fire wood.  His gramma, my mom asked him what we were doing.  In the most innocent and serious manner he said, "they are having a he** of good time cutting into that da**ed pile of logs".  My mom had to go indoors to hide the fact that she needed to laugh.  After mom mentioned to us what he said we all had a good laugh over it but we reminded one another to watch our mouths when the children are in the area.  Roger 

[scleigh]

@beenthere  . yeah, he has the accessories for all the costumes. The pic above is the fireman, he had taken the fire helmet and back pack with working spray hose off to have his picture made. :D

[yukon cornelius]

"Dads dot have hair, they have beards" says henry.

[ckjohnson99]

When my (now grown sons) were younger, one was putting on his snow boots to play outside. I noticed he was putting them on wrong so I said, "David, you are putting your boots on the wrong feet." With a rather indignant expression, he replied, "But Dad, these are the only feet I have!"

[beenthere]

 :D :D :D

[sandhills]

Classic  . 

[cousin jw]

I, too, have no kids but I do have a lot of cousins. When one of my cousins was about 4 years old she asked if I could take her out to the fair that evening. Upon being told that I would not have the money to do so until the following day when I got paid she told me I should go get more of my money out of the box. I told her that I had no money in a box. She thought the free standing ATM that she had seen me use the week before was where I stored my money.
Later that same year we were talking about my piece of deer hunting property and she informed me that I should have bought the piece of property on the other side of the power line easement. Her reason was that that piece of property had better crawfish catching locations than my piece of property had.

[Autocar]

The best one I ever heard a little red headed girl at church years ago came up to my wife and I and said to us. I got lice and about that quick she said do you want to see the nest ? and bent over and pulled her red currley apart. I smile every time I think about that . Shes a grown woman now and has kids of her own.

[reswire]

My niece, (a fourth grade teacher),and her husband have three little ones.  The oldest is in second grade, smart as can be, and verrrry talkative.  The young couple are in the process of remodeling their house, and of course my niece can't understand why things are going so slow.  She gives her husband $%#& on a regular basis about keeping the yard cleaned, and really, really wants it done NOW!   Her second grade daughter was having a conversation with her teacher about her home, and the teacher asked "Where do you live?".  Gracen replied, "Oh you can't miss our house, we are the people who live like "White Trash".  Wonder where she got that one????  HE HE

[scleigh]

My son turned 4 this past week. He likes Bojangles, so I thought i'd take him for breakfast one morning last week. The night before, I explained to him that if he was good and listened to his mom and I, then we would go to Bojangles in the morning. So, after my short speech, I asked, "Graham, can you be good"? He looked at me with a serious look and said " I dont know".


 
No sawing this past weekend, spent Saturday ay Chuckee Cheese