People say the darndest things

[Larry]

Nice lady called a couple of days ago.  Wanted me to saw a oak door in two, horizontally.  She wanted to make a Dutch two piece door.  I took 10 minutes  to tell her why I could not on the sawmill but did tell her I could do it with a circular saw.  Gave her a price which she thought was reasonable.  Since she lived quite a distance away I suggested she try to find somebody local.

No call back, so another big dollar loss! :D

[Magicman]

I think you meant to post that last one over in the Jokes

No actually sawguy21 opened the hanger door so I slid dat airplane in, sorta like getting to food.   :D

[mike_belben]

Ready, set, grits.

[Southside]

Well today I read we have a chicken shortage.... Not around here.  :D

[jcbrotz]

Lady on the phone;   Hi, How much would you charge me to make 6 sheets of plywood with your sawmill ?  

Me;  I sell sawdust in bags for $20 each, but you will have to glue it together yourself.  

I think i am going to need to hire someone who is better at customer service than i am.

Kinda like when your measuring to build a kitchen and the customer asks. How are you going to install the cabinets without removing the countertop? Uhm your kitchen is going to look like it threw up on itself before this is all done lollol

[GAB]

One day in the office I did the darndest thing, oh I was bad.
The engineer, that sat to the N of me, was toying with a spring and a detent ball (automotive air control parts) and I noticed that there was a gap between his desk and the partition.  Said to myself those parts are going through that gap.  So I pulled out that mornings large section of the WSJ and waited.  Sure enough the parts went down and under the desk he goes to retrieve them with his butt a bit above the floor.  I grabbed the newspaper section and got as close to his butt as I dared and tore that WSJ section as fast as I could and through it in the waste paper basket as I sat down.  Out he comes, backs up against the partition and fells his backside then leaves.  I'm 99% sure he went to the bathroom to check out his clothing before coming back.  He never gave me another opportunity like that.  However, the look on his face was worth it.
GAB
  

[Don P]

 :D :D
I hadta let one go last year. They had moved in a couple of years prior, completely landscaped the yard, very nice, then wanted a large garage/manshed built. The footprint was out of level by about 6' so some major foundation work. Very pushy about the timeline. Everything outside the footprint was "off limits" so no heavy equipment. This is gonna be a major concrete pumper truck job was my first thought. I told him we would do our best but we would certainly break a few eggs before we were done. "Oh I'll bill you if you do". "I think not  :D". I drew the plans, got it through permitting and the truss shop, made the siding and let a younger guy with more patience deal with them, everyone was happy.

[WV Sawmiller]

Gerald,

   You are a baaad man! I love it. :D :D :D

[Crossroads]

For about 6 months at random intervals while doing my PM  rounds in the pulp mill, I would return to my electric scooter to find never seize on my handlebars. I didn't say anything, just waited and watched to see who was there and who was in vacation when it happened. I had it narrowed down to 2 guys and had a good idea which it was. One night on graveyard it happened and I wasn't in the mood for it. I got my full can of never seize and painted the steering wheel, key, all levers on the forklift. Went upstairs to the bathroom outside of the control room and painted the handle on the camode, door handle to the camode, the urinal handle, sink knobs and the door handle going out. Then I snuck around and got both door handles going back into the control room. Kinda funny, my scooter never got never seized again 🤔