I never see them but I see their mess

[barbender]

Jeff, it's not a bad idea to catch some British, Australian and Kiwi TV or something once in a while. Torch and fags are two words that have different (one very different) crisps is another (potato crisps). It gets confusing when we speak completely intelligible languages that just have a few words that mean completely different things. To be fair, you can find that in different regions of the US as well though.

[Chuck White]

Another easy remedy would be to cover the ceiling with chicken wire, stapled to the bottoms of the ceiling joists!

As you likely know, there are several "hole sizes" available in chicken wire!

[Ianab]

Have you tried going out at night with a powerful torch...

Otherwise have you thought of getting a pet ferret?

I'm glad to have had you as my friend all these years Ian, for the education in the nuansic (made that adj up) differences in our common language. I say this, because only for less than a moment did I think you meant for him to burn his barn down. Oh yea. Flashlight. 

Ummm... Yeah, fire would be a bit extreme for just birds. 

[Jeff]

Jeff, it's not a bad idea to catch some British, Australian and Kiwi TV or something once in a while. Torch and fags are two words that have different (one very different) crisps is another (potato crisps). It gets confusing when we speak completely intelligible languages that just have a few words that mean completely different things. To be fair, you can find that in different regions of the US as well though.

I used to spend a weekend almost every winter with a military trained dentist and his proper English wife. I came to appreciate it so much we had britbox over all else. Mrs. Brown's boys, the Vicor of Dibley,  the two of which I speak, later in life would have been a hit.

[doc henderson]

Our endocrinologist in Albany was English.  A phenom not all would be aware of is when you are at a teaching hospital and have to use the restroom, it is a courtesy to tell your group.  As a senior resident, I might have a group of 10 docs and med students following me.  I will say, "I am going to go potty".  (Pediatrician lingo) otherwise, you will have all those folks follow you to the bathroom door, awkward.  She would say she was going to the lew on a good day, other days she would say "I need a pith".  A resident friend grew up in Connecticut, but her dad taught Theology in University in England.  So, she went to school in England.  She admitted that she could turn the accent up and down depending on the situation.

[Jeff]

One of the funniest things I ever heard, was when the aforementioned couple set out for mayo clinic, with a garmon newly programmed and set up to the destination by the canadian daughter in law.

Lou didn't turn it on until to far from home to consider turning around, when he found out the garmon voice that he had no idea how to change it and had to have it, sounded exactly like Catherine ordering him in proper British form. Telling him what to do, the entire rest of the trip.

[KEC]

European Starlings like to roost in places like yours in the winter. Putting plastic or wire mesh on the underside of the horizontal rafters should cure this. Cover the area thoroughly or don't bother. It would help to identify the birds as to species. If you have a sprayer that can shoot a jet stream onto the roosting birds (assuming that they are not a protected species) using water with some dish detergent in it, they will die from hypothermia. I have not done this before. Setting up a mist net across the opening where they fly in might catch a bunch; it's not good to leave it unattended. If this sounds like more effort than you wanted to expend, you're right. Go there at dusk and see what flies in there.

[YellowHammer]

In Kentucky, after my cousin had his little bought of histoplasmosis from the zillions? of blackbirds roosting in the nearby farm trees, my grandfather put a few sticks of dynamite under the trees, in holes dug under the rootballs, and blasted them to the ground.  I was just a kid, but that was one of the coolest things I'd ever seen.  I would imagine the birds still roosted nearby in some other trees, but it sure was fun to watch.   

I'm not sure that would be the best solution for you, but I'm just throwing the option out there....

[thecfarm]

Talk about bringing a gun to a knife fight. 

[Percy]

I've hung some of that reflective tape that  department of transportation made us put on our log trucks back in the day. It seems to be working. No fresh poop. I've got a couple of Amazon owls and a chrome wind spinner coming. 

The dynamite thing sounds like fun but....🤣🤣🤣

[Peter Drouin]

That will work for a while.