I lost my inspiration.

firefighter ontheside · March 29, 2024, 11:04:31 PM

My dad passed away on March 15. Dad was my milling partner. Dad was my best friend.
I've been out of work on disability since January 17 due to elbow surgery. Now that I'm going back to work at the FD, I'm gonna be able to start milling and woodworking again. Due to dad's illness, he hadn't been able to mill with me since thanksgiving, but now knowing that he's gone I'm having trouble feeling motivated to get back into it. I'm sure that I will get back into it. I went out there and did some cleaning up around the mill in preparation for milling, but things reminded me of dad and that made me sad.

chet · March 29, 2024, 11:35:38 PM

What works for me is to remember those loved ones past as I continue to do those things we once shared together. And I know they are watching with a big smile as I continue on.

barbender · March 29, 2024, 11:57:26 PM

I'm very sorry to hear that, FFOTS😥 I would have a hard time getting back into it, too.

rusticretreater · March 30, 2024, 12:16:47 AM

He would want you to continue milling. So get with it mister!

fluidpowerpro · March 30, 2024, 12:38:11 AM

I'm sorry for your loss. Be grateful for the time you had milling with your dad. I would have loved the opportunity to mill with my dad as I know he would have enjoyed it. Unfortunately I didn't get into milling until after he passed.

SawyerTed · March 30, 2024, 06:25:24 AM

Sorry about your dad. I'm close to my dad as well.

Milling is your connection to good memories of him. You'll get back to it I'm sure. It's probably what he'd want.

Grief never goes away but it changes in time. Part of that is how it changes us. Try to make sure how it changes you honors your dad.

Magicman · March 30, 2024, 07:29:31 AM

I offer my Condolences during this sad time. You said that he was your inspiration so you will honor his memory by continuing to do the things that he inspired you to do. You now have to "shoulder up" and carry on.

thecfarm · March 30, 2024, 07:48:39 AM

Sorry to hear that.
My Father never got to see me buy a sawmill. We sure did look a lot and talk a lot about a mill!!!!

Old Greenhorn · March 30, 2024, 08:21:29 AM

Bill, Although this is a 'new thing' to learn how to deal with and it hurts or makes you sad, it can be a good thing. It shows just how much your Dad meant in your life, how much he gave an shared with you. It is an ongoing gift. I know it doesn't feel that way right now and I am not going to say 'you'll get used to it' because you never do. Part of your life (a very significant part) was ripped away from you
When my Dad passed in '14 it really put a hole in my life, first because I spent a lot of time caring for him in his last years, but mostly it was that 'stuff' we connected on in a unique way. Something would happen on my job and the first thing in my mind was wanting to tell my ad the story because I knew he would get a kick out of it. Then I would remember he was gone and the sadness returned. That sensation still hasn't gone away, but now I think "Boy, Dad would have really got a big kick out of this", and sometimes I think "Boy, I'm glad Dad is not around to see this, he would be hopping mad!". I found a place to put those thoughts and cherish them over time. It's how they stay a part of your life.
A year and a half after My Dad passed, I lost my mentor, very good friend, and second father almost, to cancer in 2015. Again, we had a lot of memorable experiences together and some great conversations. To this day I still see, read, or experience something and think "I have to call Bill and share this with him". It's only for a fleeting moment, but it's still there. Barely a day goes by even now that Bill doesn't enter my thoughts.
Ten months later we lost my Mom in 2016. Same thing when those things she enjoyed come up and I think of how she would have reacted or enjoyed something.
This is how these very important people stay with us. Hopefully, over time your sadness will transform into a tender memory when those things come up.
I wish you and your family peace.

doc henderson · March 30, 2024, 08:33:36 AM

Sorry Bill. My wife was helping yesterday in the yard, and we had a moment. She lost her dad when she was only 14. I said it was too bad her dad was not alive to see this as I knew form the kind of guy he was (reported to me) that he would have enjoyed this. we come from similar backgrounds. She said he was a lot like my dad. Good memories. My dad never saw my mill, but it would have put a smile on his face. I am glad you and your dad were close. He obviously inspired you in many ways. It is your time to make a special relationship with your family in the same way, as I know you are doing. I am glad your kids knew him. Tincture of time my friend.

DHansen · March 30, 2024, 08:34:00 AM

My condolences, thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Golden memories will help you move forward and comfort you. You can't just pick up the phone and ask him a question, but he will still be there with you every day.

Magicman · March 30, 2024, 08:43:00 AM

How many times have I said that the person that I need to ask that question is no longer here? Yes sadly those unanswered questions remain unanswered. That is one reason that we must share as much information as we can while we can but many unanswered questions will remain after we are gone. So is the circle of life.

RetiredTech · March 30, 2024, 08:53:58 AM

I'm sorry to hear about your Dad. Even though my Dad never saw my mill I think of him every time I saw a log. He loved working with wood. I still like to visit his old shop.
Enjoy the memories and carry on.

SawyerTed · March 30, 2024, 09:08:06 AM

@Magicman Lynn, there comes a time when we become the mentors and the ones who get asked the questions. Hopefully we are the kind who are sought for that purpose.

Thanks for being one of those, among others, we can ask!

Peter Drouin · March 30, 2024, 09:53:17 AM

Sorry for your loss.

beenthere · March 30, 2024, 11:39:28 AM

Condolences for your loss. Been 21 years since loss of my Dad. Think of him often.

Carrying-on is what we expect/hope/pray our sons and daughters will do, albeit we will not know the outcome. They can turn their attention to their own off-spring.

B.C.C. Lapp · March 30, 2024, 11:53:41 AM

Sorry about your Dad FirefighterO.T.S. I can only agree with what the other guys have said. Shoulder on. Your Dad would not want you to give up something you love because it now reminds you of how much you miss him. He would want you to keep on and with time those memory's will make you smile. Right now the wounds still new. You'll heal. And grow.
When my granddad died I was lost for a bit. When I regained my footing I was maybe stronger and maybe a little better man for it. Like Lynn said, its life.
Stay busy. Working hands make for a healthy mind.

ron barnes · March 30, 2024, 09:43:14 PM

Sorry for your loss. It has been 30 years since my Dad passed. I still think about him every day.

Rhodemont · March 31, 2024, 08:21:35 AM

Get back to milling when you are ready and think of dad, He will still be your inspiration.

moodnacreek · March 31, 2024, 09:30:36 AM

I hunted and fished with a man for 50 years. When he passed it took alot out of my enthusiasm but I forced myself to carry on. Opening a box of flys he tied can bring tears. Somehow you have to turn the sorrow into pleasant memories.

Bruno of NH · March 31, 2024, 03:11:16 PM

Sorry for your loss
The best way to honor your Dad is to keep on milling and woodworking.
I'm willing to bet that's what he would want you to do.
I lost my Dad and know how it feels

firefighter ontheside · March 31, 2024, 10:11:33 PM

I know you guys are right and he would want me to keep it up and get right back into it. Thanks for all of your insight. I know I am not the first to lose a dad and I really appreciate all of the support I have had.