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What's the funniest thing a log ever did to you?

Started by JoeyLowe, February 22, 2002, 05:01:28 PM

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JoeyLowe

I thought this would make an interesting topic, since I just experienced my first funny with a log.  Some of my other posts references my new experiences with my Woodmizer mill and I guess everything has been leading up to this post.  I'm a newbie at this and bound to make some mistakes.  I can live with that as long as the mistakes don't hurt me or others.

Anyway, today I'm bucking a large willow oak into millable lengths for my mill.  On the first cut, I'm about half way through a 53" cut when all of sudden this liquid that looks like oil starts gushing out of the tree where my Stihl 066 is making the cut.  Before I could stop the saw and remove it from the log, I'm covered in a mixture of black liquid and sawdust from head to toe.  The first thing that went through my mind was that I just trashed my new $1000 Stihl 066 chainsaw.  When I realized that the saw doesn't hold that much oil, my second thought was that I must have struck oil  :D, but then reason kicked in and I realized that although this is Texas, and this is oil patch country, it would be hard to believe that the tree was full of oil.  Afterall, the guys who cut it down would have done hooked up a rig and capped off the geiser.  So what was that mysterious black liquid.  Turns out it was stump water... that's right, nasty old smelly stump water.  So the laugh is on me.  At least I didn't ruin the saw!
--
Joey Lowe

"Working towards perfection has to be a part of anything one does.  You've got to put yourself into it." ... Sam Maloof (chairmaker)

Tom

Joey, if it's one thing I can't stand it's a smart log.

I guess one of the most contrary things I've delt with is trying to walk on a pine log that has been submerged in a farm pond for several months.  The bark slips and what remains of the cambium along with a little algae somtimes, makes it be the slickest surface on earth.  Nothing is quite as embarrasing as slipping off of one of these logs on a log deck and straddling it, or the one next to it, and finding yourself on the ground with everybody laughing and pointing their finger at you and shouting " Hah-h-h-h  busted you're A - - didn't you"

psychotic1

There's one thing more embarrasing...
having to get one of those freinds to drive you to the ER to get your ankle x-rayed.  I just hate it when that happens.
Patience, hell.  I'm gonna kill something

DanG

Back when I was young and stupid(I'm old and stupid, now), we had this hurricane come through here. It blew down a huge pecan tree in my back yard. All I could see was a really big pile of firewood. I got some help over there, and commenced to whittlin' on it with my big ol' PoooLan. I got to the point where I couldn't cut anything else without that monster falling on me, so I got out the extension ladder. Now, this tree was about 4' diameter at the crotch, which was still at about 10 feet off the ground. Now, this was back when bow blades were still considered politically correct, and that's what I had. I fired off the saw, and went up the ladder, found "stable" footing with one foot on the tree, and the other on the ladder, and began removing the uppermost branch, which was about 18" dia, and 40' long. I got through it, without incident, and was feeling pretty good about things, but, without the weight of that one compressing all the other branches, the tree started to right itself ! Fortunately, there was a handy branch to grab, as the saw and me, and the tree and ladder, all parted company at the same instant. Me and the tree rose about 6 feet, and I congratulated myself for having the foresight to have a groundman on site, to put the ladder back up.

When I look back, I realize that I've led a pretty exciting life.  :D
"I don't feel like an old man.  I feel like a young man who has something wrong with him."  Dick Cavett
"Beat not thy sword into a plowshare, rather beat the sword of thine enemy into a plowshare."

Tillaway

I tried to use an increment borer on a large Grand Fir (bad idea) with Indian Paint fungus (worse idea).  I started the borer in hoping to get some sort of a readable core but as expected it " went soft".  I inserted the spoon and extracted the core which was nearly pushed out of the borer by the pressure of the foulest smelling liquid you could imagine (imagine an open sewer).  Needless to say but I caught the full brunt of it square in the chest.  Wheeeeeweee... had to come back at the end of the day to retrieve my borer.  It spouted most of the afternoon.  Worse part was that I was camped out and had to live with the smell all week.
Making Tillamook Bay safe for bait; one salmon at a time.

Tillaway

I've got another... many years back I was on a fire crew dispatched to a fire in Southern Oregon.  Anyway the fire was started by the faller working in the bottom of the unit on a pretty steep slope (50%+).  The fire burned up through the felled and bucked timber.  Our task at the time was to mop any hot spots in this unit.  When the cutters fall these trees they are usually laid across the slope.  The fire burned off all the branches that are left to help hold the logs on the slope, lets just say the logs were pretty touchy. :o  I was just below a rock outcrop when I heard one of the people on my squad start cussing a blue streak and I instantly knew what was happening so I ducked in close to the rock.  Sure enough here comes Kevin cussing and running with a log in hot persuit (here comes Kevin............... here comes the log).  It kind of looked like something you would see in a cartoon so I started to bust a gut laughing and so did Kevin.  He eventually had the presents of mind to step out of the way behind a rock and end the persuit.

It may not seem funny reading it but you really had to be there.  
Making Tillamook Bay safe for bait; one salmon at a time.

Frank_Pender

Well, Joey, I have had some of those same sotr of experiences when cutting Oregon Oak.  When you hit one of those pockets of liquid in an Oak is stinks worse than a chicken farm all the rest of the day.  It really hangs around, especially if it is a warm summers day.    But, one of the funniest days was about twenty years ago for me.  I recall it like yesterday, however.  I was felling a patch of Oak here in the foothills of the West side of the Willamette Valley on a very warm summer day.  I had cleared some scrub brush near a 30" Oak and was preping my escape route by turning my back toward the tree to make sure the path was clear.  Suddenly I had a  funny feeling inside my hickery shirt, the kind with long sleves and a zipper part way down the from.  Remember, it is a very warm day, no t-shirt, heavy work pants and heavy Danner boots.  Then there were more crawlying feeling and i swated at one.  Then another.  Followed by twelve or  fourteen, each more sever than the other.   I had slapped the 36" bar into a in ground white bally hornets nest.  When I had finally stoped running I had covered about a 100 yards  through the brush in about 12 seconds flat and removed all of my outer garments, but my boots and short.    :D :D  It is funny today, but then, it hurt like, well you can imagine.  :'( ;)
Frank Pender

Gordon

I've probably posted this story a few times by now but bear with me. This didn't happen to me I witnessed it happening, what is even better it seemed like it was slow motion when it was happening. This took place in Connecticut.

My brother in law and myself were out trials riding in the woods and playing on the rocks. It was a warm summer day so we stopped to take a break and cool off. We were up the hill and under us a pickup had stopped on the fire road. He pulled out a chainsaw, nice brand spanking new. Fires it up then shuts it down. He eyes up this large oak, well it had a bad lean going right toward the truck. (Bet u see where this is going).

We looked at each other and said no way this guy isn't going to try and drop this tree with the truck that close. So my brother in law hollers down to him--YOUR TRUCK IS GOING TO GET SMUSHED--. Well the guy hollers back he knows what the heck he is doing and to leave him alone.

My brother in law hollers back--ok no problem. Looks at me and says he may know what he is doing. We discuss that the tree could be steered to a small opening with a perfect cut so it was possible but why risk it. So were ready to leave but didn't want to miss this show. Be it good or bad.

We he fires up the saw and as expected goes to cutting on the tree without moving the truck back up the road some. Yup as expected he is trying to aim this tree at an angle against the lean on the tree. Cuts the face no problem, goes wide open into the backcut, the tree starts to move----now slow motions starts---tree starts to twist in a perfect lean toward the truck. Now he doesn't know what to do drop the saw and move the truck or try a wedge in the tree or just stand back and watch the show. He runs toward the truck then back toward the tree then toward the truck again.

He finally wisens up some and drops the saw and gets out of the way. To late to try anything the tree is heading right toward the truck. SMASH--KA-BAM. He is yelling oh no oh no, the chainsaw is still idling on the ground. The tree smashed up the truck some but not too bad. My brother in law yells down---SHUT YOUR CHAINSAW OFF LOGGER MAN -BET NEXT TIME YOU WILL MOVE THE TRUCK. The above seemed like 15 minutes when in actually it was about thirty seconds at the most.  

We stood there in amazement at what we just witnessed. NA we had to be dreaming. Sure wish I had a camera to catch that one. Everytime we see each other now we still bring that up and both crack up laughing. Wonder what he told his wife about the smashed up truck? Lesson learned--keep the truck way far away from the action.

Gordon

Corley5

My dad had a problem with a tree and his P.U. last fall.  He was cutting wood to pick up later with the tractor and wood trailer.  He parked his truck in the hay field at what he thought was a safe distance and besides the tree was going to fall the other way.  The tree was a sugar maple, 14"DBH, with some of that white fungusy rot in it.  As he was cutting the tree a breeze blew up and the rot split out letting the tree go the wrong way.  His truck required a new hood, fender, and door skin along with a front window.  What made it even worse was the truck was his new pride and joy.  A 2001 3/4 ton short box, club cab, 4X4 Cummins Dodge with just over a thousand miles.  It just about made him sick.  Luckily his insurance covered the damage.  It's not like he's never cut wood before he just made a mistake.
Burnt Gunpowder is the Smell Of Freedom

John_Boisselier

Had a 40" dbh tree along a water way that was being cleaned up.  It wasn't too far from the main roadway, and we were almost done with the job, so I had the help move our vehicle down the access road back past this tree and off to one side in order to not have the access brushed in so we wouldn't have to clear the tree before we could get back out.  This tree had a clear dominant lean along the water way and almost straight up and down in its other dimension.  I notched it out and plunge cut it because of the lean and as the tree went down it moved about 15-20 degrees in the right direction, and for some reason (gust of wind, weak fiber or something) it seemed to stop and then just lunged sideways off of the stump naturally straight at our vehicle's new position.  The guys on the job site were fully expecting me to just totally blow up, and were astounded when I just broke out laughing.  We had to cut and hoist the top of the tree off of the vehicle, and push the caved in roof out far enough to sit up in the vehicle.  Amazingly it only broke the rear window, although the insurance company totalled it.  I bought it back from the insurance company, and after some very basic bodywork and a new window ended up giving it to the guy who had ironically parked it right where I told him to.  He's still using it.  You might as well laugh as cry about something about which you can do nothing.  The worst part of the whole thing is that when we examined the stump we couldn't see where the cut went wrong.  One of lifes little mysteries.
     Another time we were working a large job with a lot of gullies, steep slopes and a canyon through the middle of the property.  I was cutting on one of the slopes that was hard to even stand on.  I felled a large oak down the slope to where a skidder could access it, and saw a large cloud of dust fly up from where it struck.  I didn't think anything of it (shucks, it could have been a puffball mushroom or something) and proceeded down the main trunk trimming the tree out.  All of a sudden objects moving at high rates of aerial speed started bouncing off of me and the facescreen of my helmet  :o.  LIGHTBULB  ;D BEE TREE!!!  Not a single gold medalist runner in the olympics could have passed me going up that slope.  I actually made it most of the way to the top with the chain saw glued to my hand, but a bush snatched it out of my hand and it slid all of the way back down to the bee tree, so I had to use another saw the rest of the day.  Amazingly, I didn't actually get a single sting out of that occasion (thank God for long sleeved shirts).  However, until I went back to camp and changed clothes, every bee in the woods who came close enough to me to smell mad bees immediately attacked me.  Talk about an adrenalin filled day.
The Woodsman

Tom

I have left my tractor running in the woods because of yellow jackets John.  I know exactly what you are talking about. It takes a brave soul to go back in and retrieve the gear too.

Frank_Pender

You know how some stoiries begat another.  The bee one I told earlier seems to stay with me without having to have any sort of trigger to remember.  Reading through some of the more recent posts did trigger and not so laughing felling experience.  I was working with a couple of friends, falling Douglas Fir, some 20 years ago.  The trees were in the average range of 24" to 36" DBH.  The ground was not much more than 10 or 12%.  It was a  cat skidding job at best.  The cat skinner was some distance away over a slight rise and yarding logs to a new landing.   I felt very safe in facing out my next tree and laying it along the hillside, as dropping it downhill causes much more damage to the long.  I put the face in without any problems and gathered myself to the other side to make the back cut.  I had my wedges all ready to place if the need arose.  I check my face cut to make sure that the back cut is placed at an appropriate height above  for the hinge and I begin.  All was going great, no need for the wedges at all.  she starts to fall as planned.  Suddenly from out of nowhere the John Deere 450 appears up over a bit of a rise and some slash from previous fellings.  The tree is on its way, the 450 is on its way.  The tree is about 140 feet tall and I am trying to figure in my head if the two will meet.  You remember to the old math story problems of the rate of the car, the distance to travel, how long it will take and son?  Wel I am doing all of that on the spot in a matter of seconds. Of course you know the outcome before it happens. We think, "Na, it will not hit the dozer."   After all of the dust is settled and the needles have stopped flying from the felled tree, the dozer is stipped too, I frantically begin to dig my friend out from limbs from the top 10 or 15 feet of the felled tree.  It could have been wose. We were both scared to death until he was free of the branches.  Then and only then does the laughing begin. :-/  The close one are sometimes pushed to the back of the line.  They are kind of hard to rekindle.
Frank Pender

Texas Ranger

This is sort of a repeat of an earlier story, but, was cruising timber and started an increment bore on a large white oak.  Got the bore just about in when I felt the thing hit soft tissue, so rather than lose the borer bit, i pulled the core out to at least save it, and was hit by internal black water from the bung I had just installed, peed for a good hour before the pressure let off.

When it was down to a dribble, I was able to pull the borer.  When it came out, it all started again, so I got hit twice.  Took a creek bath and pulled on some old coveralls from the truck.

Nasty stuff.
The Ranger, home of Texas Forestry

L. Wakefield

   When Joe was about 3 we did the yellowjacket hit routine with the 420 crawler. You want to talk about RUN! Everyone got nailed 7 or 8 times. Left the crawler running (but fortunately not crawling..) and everything. Fortunately I am a beekeeper so I went back in bee gear and drove it home. We were swollen and sore for about a week. I don't know any other sting so hard to get over. :-[ :-[   lw
L. Wakefield, owner and operator of the beastly truck Heretik, that refuses to stay between the lines when parking

Tom


woodmills1

dropped a yellow jacket tree in W VA got 13 stings before i hit the pond.  ever try to run and take your pants off over your boots at the same time. :D  thank god for the pond.  next day two hornet stings in the morning and a wasp after lunch.  bees don't bother me so much after that.
James Mills,Lovely wife,collect old tools,vacuuming fool,36 bdft/hr,oak paper cutter,ebonic yooper rapper nauga seller, Blue Ox? its not fast, 2 cat family, LT70,edger, 375 bd ft/hr, we like Bob,free heat,no oil 12 years,big splitter, baked stuffed lobster, still cuttin the logs dere IAM

L. Wakefield

   So when were you down in WV?! I was there 79-91. That's where the yellowjackets got us bad. We hit some up here when bush- hogging, but it was mild in comparison. A tractor with wheels can get away a heck of a lot faster than a crawler. I didn't have to 'abandon ship' :D :D   lw
L. Wakefield, owner and operator of the beastly truck Heretik, that refuses to stay between the lines when parking

timberbeast

Me and a buddy decided to take some trees down on his father's property (his pop is a buddy,  too).  This is a cottage on Lake Puckaway in WI.  He wanted to get some big Oaks down which were very old and leaning towards the cottage.  We were using an old block and tackle to pull away from the cottage (As well as wedges and careful work).  We wanted to surprise Rog,  the owner,  and almost surprised him in a bad way.  We had four trees on the ground,  and the last was the worst,  a really gnarly Oak probably 40" dbh,  leaning heavily towards the cottage,  and also the biggest limbs on that side.  Couldn't climb and cut off the limbs,  as they would have landed on the cottage,  and the limbs alone would have gone through the roof.  Shot an arrow up through a high crotch with a string attached,  and pulled up the rope for the block and tackle,  slip-knotted and secured it.  The final pull was hooked to my pickup.  I did everything that I knew to make it safe with my notch,  had about 6 wedges in before I got near the end of the back-cut,  the truck was in 4WD and pulling,  and I carefully finished the hinge cut and gave the high-sign for Bobby to hit the gas.  The next thing I saw was a 1" rope sailing through the air.  It broke!!!!!!!   By shear luck (although Bobby said it was my wedges,  and maybe it was),  with the tree creaking and popping,  two guys ran around like chickens with heads cut off,  finally tied the rope back together,  prayed,  and down she came,  exactly where I planned!  Whew!!!  I am fully convinced that if a northwest breeze would have come up while we were fixing the rope,  there would have been no cottage left!  I think I may have nerve damage from the high-five we did after that tree hit the ground!!!  Then,  we had a beer.  I think in about 3 seconds each!  Medicinal!!!!!!!
Where the heck is my axe???

Jeff

been there, done that. The secret is to not "Hit the gas"! Just tension on the rope will do, a steady easy pull. We take trees down often in our neighborhood, and the rule is 2 ropes!
Just call me the midget doctor.
Forestry Forum Founder and Chief Cook and Bottle Washer.

Commercial circle sawmill sawyer in a past life for 25yrs.
Ezekiel 22:30

woodmills1

i visited, then bought land and lived in elton w va, summers county in 74 and 75.  sold my 16 acres, three miles from a hard road,  :D in 1981.
James Mills,Lovely wife,collect old tools,vacuuming fool,36 bdft/hr,oak paper cutter,ebonic yooper rapper nauga seller, Blue Ox? its not fast, 2 cat family, LT70,edger, 375 bd ft/hr, we like Bob,free heat,no oil 12 years,big splitter, baked stuffed lobster, still cuttin the logs dere IAM

CHARLIE

True stories from a guy with whom I used to work....since retired.  He was felling a tree that he had to make sure fell in a certain spot.  So he tied a long chain to it and to his tractor and told his buddy to cut the tree.  His buddy hollered, "You sure that chain is long enough!"  "Yep", he replied, "Go ahead and cut the tree. He then put tension on the chain with the tractor. Sure as hell......that chain wasn't quite long enough and the tiptop of that tree DanG near whipped him to death when it fell on the tractor.  Another time, this same fellah was walking down a wooded hillside on his property when he came to an old dead rotten standing pine trunk...no limbs.  So he figured he'd just push it over. So he pushed and let go and pushed and let go and pushed and the top of the dead trunk broke off and fell right on top of his head laying him out cold.....after he rolled down the hill a bit. When he finally was able to get up, he was covered, inside and outside his clothes with the powdered rotted wood.  He said he learned that ya ain't supposed to push over an old dead tree like that. He had never figured on it breaking off at the top.  ;D
Charlie
"Everybody was gone when I arrived but I decided to stick around until I could figure out why I was there !"

Bud Man

Charlie -- Did you say he was retired or disabled- :D  Reminds me of a sub I had working for me . This guy always tied into electric lines , if they were available, if they were closer to where he wanted to set up his work table(usually in the shade).  Well I was on the job site one day when he set-up and he was on an eight foot ladder tieing into the electric and the poor fellow turned to chat with me and touched two together---well the next thing you know he gets blown about 10 feet out in the yard. :o :o He quit that practice -but he still stutters to this day, and he was very lucky !!
The groves were God's first temples.. " A Forest Hymn"  by.. William Cullen Bryant

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