Finally took delivery of my mini excavator

[SawyerTed]

There's a story of a gentleman in the northern part of Stokes County who was accused of riff raff disposal.  The SBI and sheriffs department were interested in solving the case.  An informant told where the body was supposedly buried under a specific maple tree.  

The investigators showed up with shovels and announced where they intended to dig.  The accused went with them and helped dig with shovels and mattocks.  All the while the accused's backhoe was parked up the hill.  

They started to dig under the maple tree in what was undisturbed soil, roots and all.  After about 2 hours and a 4'x4' square about 10" deep, the investigators packed up and left.  They never did determine if the gentleman disposed of the riff raff or not.

[bitternut]

Got 220 acres of woods, a bulldozer, and a compact excavator. But don't need to burn any diesel to dispose of said riff-raff. One of the perks of living on the shore of a 800 ft deep lake. :D

[thecfarm]

No need to dig here. Put them in the bog and  a 3 foot layer of rock. 

[Southside]

I can tell you from experience that if you don't dig the hole deep enough the Riff Raff will surface again in a scene reminessent of Pet Cemetary.  Faint square outline in the dirt in the woods, oblong / round bony thing sticking out of the dirt and the Riff Raff that owned said dirt had not been seen for seveal years.  Yup - it was what it appeared to be.  That case is still open and I doubt anyone is trying too hard to solve it.  

[Jeff]

Is this the Halloween topic? 

[Old Greenhorn]

Is this the Halloween topic?

Apparently. ;D

[Old Greenhorn]

I can tell you from experience that if you don't dig the hole deep enough the Riff Raff will surface again .....

I HATE when that happens.

[Southside]

Is this the Halloween topic?

Nope, but there was a Phish concert playing about 40 miles north of there so plenty of freaks were running around. 

[scsmith42]

Nice score Patrick!

[Marty]

Nice machine. Life is better with my mini  excavator. 

[YellowHammer]

I'm thinking a mulching head would be a great accessory for a mini.  

I guess it could be used for a multitude of things...,,

[customsawyer]

On the jokes thread some time ago there was one about a green horn badged individual who told a rancher his badge allowed him to go anywhere on his property he desired, and the elderly rancher told him not to go in a certain area.  Sure enough that is the area where he headed.  The rancher knew that his brahama bull would take care of this riff raff and as the story goes el toro did not disappoint the owner.
There are many ways to handle riff raff, and some do not require using any tools.
GAB

My memory of this story includes the green horn hollering for help and the rancher leaning on the fence and yelling at him to show the bull his badge.

[moodnacreek]

That's the way to go. I got one a year ago, smaller than that. I love it so much I keep it in the shed and try not to use it.

[GAB]

On the jokes thread some time ago there was one about a green horn badged individual who told a rancher his badge allowed him to go anywhere on his property he desired, and the elderly rancher told him not to go in a certain area.  Sure enough that is the area where he headed.  The rancher knew that his brahama bull would take care of this riff raff and as the story goes el toro did not disappoint the owner.
There are many ways to handle riff raff, and some do not require using any tools.
GAB

My memory of this story includes the green horn hollering for help and the rancher leaning on the fence and yelling at him to show the bull his badge.

Jake:
That's the one.
To me that was a clever way of the rancher getting rid of the riff raff.
Gerald

[Resonator]

My memory of this story includes the green horn hollering for help and the rancher leaning on the fence and yelling at him to show the bull his badge.

That's the way the late, great, chef Justin Wilson told the joke. (I gare-awn-tee)! :D

[SawyerTed]

Since this thread is hijacked anyway, I may or may not have been responsible in part, I'll share this riff raff story.  For @WV Sawmiller  this is a 100% true story. 

When my wife and I were first married we were helping a small church east of Greenville, NC by teaching Sunday School, helping with various church events, being youth group counselors and keeping the yard of the church and parsonage.  In exchange we got to live in the parsonage and only paid utilities.  It was a great part-time job for a grad student (me) and a first year teacher (my wife).  This church was quite small with only half a dozen Sunday School classrooms and a sanctuary that would hold 100 people or so.  Worship services had about 20 people, Sunday School might have had 6 or 8 adults.

The parsonage was right next to the church.  The church sat on Main Street of the small town.  For whatever reason, a group of twenty and thirty somethings riff raff started informally gathering on the church steps in the evenings.  I tried at first to invite them to participate in some church related functions and with the pastor we even tried to plan some things specifically for them that occurred on evenings they gathered.  No go, they were absolutely not interested.  I even cooked them hot dogs and hamburgers one evening.  

The beer cans and liquor bottles this group left started accumulating with greater frequency so I figured I needed to do something to get their attention.   Let me say as far as I was concerned, a little alcohol wasn't the problem but where you leave your cans and bottles was.  A trash can was ignored and a pyramid of beer cans on the front steps on Sunday morning wasn't acceptable. 

One evening after dark like clockwork the group assembled on the front steps of the church.  It was time I put my somewhat devilish plan into action.  I quietly left the back door of the parsonage and slipped into the back door of the church.   Without turning on the lights, I went to the piano in the sanctuary and plinked on a few of the high notes off and on for a couple of minutes.  The crowd of 10 or 12 on the front steps would get quiet and I would quit.  There was nervous laughter, and cajoling about some of the group being freaked out by the church.  They were just hearing things - yes, they were just hearing things.  I think I heard some speak of ghosts.   I plinked around on the piano a couple of more minutes.

Being a church built in the late 1800's there was a steeple and of course a bell.  One of my Sunday morning tasks was to ring the bell before the service so I was very familiar with the bell, the rope and it's creaking and groaning.  So after those final plinks on the piano, I slipped up the center aisle of the sanctuary to the vestibule and pulled on the bell rope.  Not hard enough to make the bell ring, just enough to get the bell to swing and creak a bit and have the rope groan as it passed through the pulleys.  Again, nervous laughter and joking about ghosts, The Second Coming, the devil etc.  This time the jokes were sounding considerably more nervous.

Then I pulled the rope just hard enough to make the bell ring once.  Just once.  Then I grabbed both doorknobs of the double front doors (remember this was a 100 year old building) and shook the doors really hard!  They rattled like Jesus Christ Himself was coming through!

Then there were shouts and screams from the assembled riff raff, beer cans flying and liquor bottles breaking. I believe there were a couple of cans of beer still in the air when I opened the door in time to see nothing but a$$es and elbows. 

The riff raff never assembled on the church steps anymore during the remaining 18 months we lived there.  In the next few days we started getting questions about how we could live next to that haunted church.  I just smiled and said, "If you live right the ghosts aren't a problem."

[Lostinmn]

Now that story really made me smile  ;D

[barbender]

That's a great story! I have to give extra points for creative use of objects at hand to achieve your goals😂

[SawyerTed]

Didn't hurt that I'm a preacher's kid