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Cows... with a new twist.

Started by Tillaway, October 13, 2002, 06:56:33 PM

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Tillaway

Cows:

DEMOCRAT:
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
You feel guilty for being successful.
You vote people into office that put a tax on your cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax.
The people you voted for then take the tax money, buy a cow and give it to your neighbor.
You feel righteous.
Barbara Streisand sings for you.

SOCIALIST:
You have two cows.
The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.

REPUBLICAN:
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
So?

COMMUNIST:
You have two cows.
The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
You wait in line for hours to get it.
It is expensive and sour.

CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE:
You have two cows.
You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE:
You have two cows.
The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both
to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow,
which was a gift from your government.

BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE:
You have two cows.
The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, and then pours the milk down the drain.

CALIFORNIA
You have two cows.
You pay $5000 to license and register each cow.
The California Department of Cow Regulation (CDCR) tells you that you are not zoned for two cows and you have exceeded maximum allowable cow flop loading.
Cow Rights Activists chain them selves to your barn and claim cow abuse.
You truck your cows to Nevada.  

AMERICAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one.
You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows.
You are surprised when one cow drops dead.
You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have
downsized and are reducing expenses.
Your stock goes up.

FRENCH CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.
You go to lunch.
Life is good.

JAPANESE CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.
Most are at the top of their class at cow school.

GERMAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer,
give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour.
Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.

ITALIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows but you don't know where they are.
While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman.
You break for lunch.
Life is good.

RUSSIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You have some more vodka.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 12 cows.
You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
You produce your 10th, 5-year plan in the last 3 months.
The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows
you really have.
 

POLISH CORPORATION:
You have two bulls.
Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.

FLORIDA CORPORATION:
You have a black cow and a brown cow.
Everyone votes for the best looking one.
Some of the people who like the brown one best, vote for the black one.
Some people vote for both.
Some people vote for neither.
Some people can't figure out how to vote at all.
Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which is the best-looking one.

NEW YORK CORPORATION:
You have fifteen million cows.
You have to choose which one will be the leader of the herd,
so you pick some fat cow from Arkansas.
Making Tillamook Bay safe for bait; one salmon at a time.

Bro. Noble

Till,

Took a while to get there, but the trip was enjoyable and worth it.  Thanks

This will be on every milk barn on our route in two days.
Noble
milking and logging and sawing and milking

Tom

What I want to know is; where in the devil did all those people come from who tried to vote in Florida and fouled up so bad.  We didn't rear them.  Did anybody happen to catch the name of the State on their license?

Jeff

Well its obvious Tom. They were from the state of confusion. :D
Just call me the midget doctor.
Forestry Forum Founder and Chief Cook and Bottle Washer.

Commercial circle sawmill sawyer in a past life for 25yrs.
Ezekiel 22:30

Frank_Pender

Noble is right, it was a very fine trip.  I really liked the punch line.   Well done,Tillway.  
Frank Pender

Tom

Would that be Callifusion......or connetifusion......or ??? :P

woodman

Jim Cripanuk

Dugsaws

Long story short,this is so sad but so true, good one Till.; :D
Doug

C_Miller

Hate to admit it, but I gotta say it.

Most of the folks in Fla. are old people from New York.

does that explain?
CJM

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