Grits

[Texas Ranger]

What Are Grits?
Some folks believe grits are grown on bushes and are harvested by midgets by shaking the bushes after spreading sheets around them. Many people think grits are made from ground up bits of white corn. These are lies spread by Communists and terrorists. Nothing as good as a Grits can be made from corn. Research suggests that the mysterious Manna that God rained down upon the Israelites during their time in the Sinai Desert was most likely Grits. Critics disagree, stating that there is no record of biscuits, butter, salt, and red eye gravy raining down from the sky, and that God would not punish his people by forcing them to eat Grits without these key ingredients.

How Grits are Formed:
Grits are formed deep underground under intense heat and pressure. It takes over 1000 years to form a single Grit. Most of the world's grit mines are in Georgia , and are guarded day and night by armed guards and attack dogs. Harvesting the Grit is a dangerous occupation, and many Grit miners lose their lives each year so that Grits can continue to be served morning after morning for breakfast--not that having Grits for lunch and dinner is out of the question.

Yankees have attempted to create a synthetic Grits. They call them Cream of Wheat. As far as we can tell, the key ingredients of Cream of Wheat are Elmer's Glue and shredded Styrofoam. These synthetic grits have also been shown to cause nausea, and can leave you unable to have children.

Historical Grits:
As mentioned earlier, the first known mention of the Grits was by the Ancient Israelites in the Sinai Desert. After that, Grits were not heard from for another 1000 years. Grits were used during this time only during secret religious ceremonies, and were kept from the public. The next mention of Grits was found amidst the ruins of the ancient city of Pompeii in a woman's personal diary discovered in the seat of an old sedan. The woman's name was Herculania Jemimana, who was known as Aunt Jemima to her friends.

The Ten Commandments of Grits:
I. Thou shalt not put syrup on thy Grits
II.Thou shalt not eat thy Grits with a spoon or knife
III.Thou shalt not eat Cream of Wheat and call it Grits, for this is blasphemy
IV. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's Grits
V.Thou shalt use only Salt, Butter, and red eye gravy as toppings for thy Grits
VI. Thou shalt not eat Instant Grits
VII. Thou shalt not put ketchup on thy Grits
VIII. Thou shalt not put margarine on thy Grits.
IX. Thou shalt not eat toast with thy Grits, only biscuits made from scratch .
X. Thou shalt eat grits on the Sabbath for this is manna from heaven.

How to Cook Grits:
For one serving of Grits: Boil 1.5 cups of water with salt and a little butter. Add 5 Tbsp of Grits. Reduce to a simmer and allow the Grits to
soak up all the water. When a pencil stuck into the grits stands alone, they are done. That's all there is to cooking grits.
How to make red eye gravy: Fry salt cured country ham in cast-iron pan. Remove the ham when done and add coffee to the gravy and simmer for several minutes. Great on grits and biscuits.

How to Eat Grits:
Immediately after removing your grits from the stove top, add a generous portion of butter or red eye gravy. Do NOT use low-fat butter.
The butter should cause the Grits to turn a wondrous shade of yellow. Hold a banana or a yellow rain slicker next to your Grits; if the colors match, you have the correct amount of butter. In lieu of butter, pour a generous helping of red eye gravy on your
grits. Be sure to pour enough to have some left for sopping up with your biscuits. Use biscuits made from scratch. Never, ever substitute canned or store-bought biscuits for the real thing because they can cause cancer, tooth decay and impotence. Next, add salt. The correct ratio of Grit to Salt is 10:1 Therefore for every 10 grits, you should have 1 grain of salt. Now begin eating your grits. Always use a fork, never a spoon, to eat Grits. Your grits should be thick enough so they do not run through the tines of the fork. The correct beverage to serve with Grits is black coffee. DO NOT use cream or, heaven forbid, Skim Milk. Your grits should rarely be eaten in a bowl because Yankees will think it's Cream of Wheat.

Ways to Eat Leftover Grits:
Leftover grits are extremely rare and may only be a rumor. Spread them in the bottom of a casserole dish, Cover and place them in the refrigerator overnight. The Grits will congeal into a gelatinous mass. Next morning, slice the Grits into squares and fry them in 1/2' of cooking oil and butter until they turn a golden brown. Many people are tempted to pour syrup onto Grits served this way. This is, of course, unacceptable but delicious.

BLESSING BEFORE EATING GRITS

May the Lord bless these grits,
May Yankees never get the recipe,
May I eat grits each day while living,
And may I die while eating grits.
AMEN

 

[sawguy21]

XI Thou shalt not eat grits. ;D

[Kansas]

Yankees already have the recipe. Who do you think manufactures sandpaper?

[thecfarm]

Cream of wheat is a kin of grits.  :  I'm not eating that anymore. Thanks for the education on girts. I always thought they was made from corn.

[WDH]

TR,

What are you doing?  Trying to stir the pot  ??? :D.

[Magicman]

Another hidden and closely guarded secret.



Always eat yellow Grits, not white Grits.

Another alternative side dish with Grits.



Grits and hot tamales.   digin1

[Holmes]

Magicman I recognize the crackers but are the grits in the little burlap sacks or is it the yellow stuff?  ???   Holmes

[WH_Conley]

Me thinks the Ranger has been out in the sun too long. Why else would he think grits are food? ;D

[Texas Ranger]

You yankees miss the point, this is to educate and edify the less culinary fortunate.  Shrimp grits, for example.  Cheese grits.  Grits with redeye gravy and eggs.  Fills your belly.

[Texas Ranger]

Oh, and is it true y'all boil everything?

[beenthere]

Oh, and is it true y'all boil everything?

Very very rarely. ;)

[Paul_H]

I really like grits and have found a good source locally since running out of the two bags Tom sent me.
Most every weekend I fry up good old fashioned ham in bacon grease and cook up a good serving of grits and a couple fried eggs.
Butter,salt and pepper on the grits and we're good to go

[sawguy21]

I dunno Paul, I grew up not far from you and still can't acquire the taste. Mind you, never liked cream of wheat either.
I still remember asking what grits are in another discussion shortly after joining the forum. Our friend Tom got a little wound up. :D

[WDH]

I really like grits and have found a good source locally since running out of the two bags Tom sent me.
Most every weekend I fry up good old fashioned ham in bacon grease and cook up a good serving of grits and a couple fried eggs.
Butter,salt and pepper on the grits and we're good to go

Now we're talkin'  8). 

I have to confess, I actually like cream of wheat too, with a little honey on it .  (Let the bashing begin!)

I am going to Tennessee tomorrow and visit with Radar Bill.  I asked him what I could bring.  Anything was game, hard spirits and other libations, wine, women,song, and Interns.  However, he was quick to point out that his was a "grits free household"  :D.

We have not quite naturalized Raider Bill, yet  .

[CHARLIE]

Grits is the reason Southerners are so much better lookin' than Yanks.

[jim king]

I bet people up there are jealous.  You all with you mills can only produce white or cream colored grits.  Here the mills kick out purple, red, yellow and multicolored grits.   8)

[isawlogs]

 Coloured grits ... What will they come up with next to intice us into trying to approve of cracked up corn boiled to a paste and liking it !!!   : ;D

[WDH]

Sometimes we color our grits and sometimes we color our past, not that you are guilty of that, my friend (mon amis)  ;D.

[schakey]

Born in southern Ohio(Athens county) living 20 miles west of Akron,BUT I LOVE GRITS
and cream of wheat smiley_whacko now need eggs,baconand tost

[limbrat]

cooked up a pot of grits when it was done i stirred in some leftover pork roast and the gravey it was so good. my favorite way is still with a big slice of hog head cheese stirred into it so that it melts.

wait no forget about that the only way to eat grits is plain expecialy if you have never had them plain is pure and the way to go. (dont wont the mines to run out)

[tractorfarmer]

Grits are made of corn, and since they didn't have corn in europe, I don't know about a middle east origin. I would think maybe it was a food prepared by the Amercian Indians.

But an interesting debate is the forbidden fruit in the Adam and Eve story. It was never stated to be an apple and scholars believe it might be one of 4 plants.

[pappy19]

If you want the BEST grits and the BEST pancake mix then go here and buy some. None better in the USA.

Pap

http://www.fallsmill.com/store.html

[CHARLIE]

Here's another place to get fantastic grits!  They don't use any preservatives and don't grind it until you order it. It is absolutely the best grits I've ever had and believe me, you can tell a difference.  They also have other fresh ground products and will ship.

Logan's Turnpike Mill located on 19/129 five miles south of Blairsville, Georgia (North Georgia in the mountains) at mile marker 8.
http://www.loganturnpikemill.com/

[Bncyom33]

.Know it's an old post but love it. I grew up in Texas and My grandma used to feed us grits all the time for breakfast. Butter and sugar on them. I wouldn't have told her that wasn't allowed. Cotton picker during the depression from around Avoca Texas. She was a character. Would stand on a red ant bed barefoot and hold her breath to show us kids they wouldn't bite.

[Don P]

 :D Jeff's post yesterday about his puny condition had me thinking he needed an express shipment with some strong salty red eye gravy.