Top Ten Things to Tell Customers what NOT to Do With the Wood They Buy

[sawguy21]

 :D :D This thread is hilarious.

[Bruno of NH]

I like the ones that call about rough sawn lumber and then ask me to do everything to it.
Plane,joint,cut to size and join for the same price.
I tell them I will build it for you for x price.
But I won't do what you want.
They don't like it :D

[Peter Drouin]

All good stuff here. What really pith me off is when I turn my back to help out another customer.
And the first one pulls wood from the sides of the stuck pack.
One time had a guy pull all of his lumber from the side. You can see the face of the lumber from the side.
I lost it. Old Pete came out. I don't think he will be back.
That and just making a mess of the pile like they do at the box store.
 
Back to the point. YH. My wood is green ½ green some dry. I tell them that it will shrink some.
99% of my customers know how to use it. The timber framers want it green.
The other 1% have no clue.

[caveman]

Customer/friend (female):  I need a 5"x16"x11' oak mantle.  
Me:  Okay, we can cut that.  It is going to take quite a while to dry.  When are you going to want to install it?
Customer:  Oh, we have time,We don't need to install it until sometime next week.

[Stephen1]

I agree this is a hilarious post with lots of smiles generated from us in the know.
But do remember guys these people are our customers and they generate lots of income for us. 
I had a customer message me that he is moving and would like to kiln dry his red oak that I sawed for him 2 years ago. Great! I will be up to pick it up for you.
Oh but he covered it with a tarp :( but in the end I will make some more money off him. 

[moodnacreek]

I like the ones that call about rough sawn lumber and then ask me to do everything to it.
Plane,joint,cut to size and join for the same price.
I tell them I will build it for you for x price.
But I won't do what you want.
They don't like it :D
I closed the door of the wood shop over 20 years ago because when a customer got in there the day was ruined.

[YellowHammer]

I agree this is a hilarious post with lots of smiles generated from us in the know.
But do remember guys these people are our customers and they generate lots of income for us.

Yup, that why I want all this input, then I can distill it down to an educational section in my webpage.  It's amazing how many people read webpages like magazines, and I have found it is an amazing way to transmit information to customers in an enjoyable way, without embarrassing them.  So instead of just being an online catalog, I have configured our webpage to be informative also.  
 
For example, I can't tell you how many times people would come in and say if they only had a new table saw, their projects would turn out better.  They complain they are stuck with their Dad's big 5 hp cast iron beast that won't cut a straight line.  So I tell them that they can't even buy saws of that quality these days, and all it needs is a new sawblade.  So they come back a month or two later and tell me how their Dad's old table saw cuts like new, and how exited they are to have a great piece of old iron up and running.  So I put a synopsis of that on my webpage and have had so many people thank me for it, and how these things are obvious to us, but have been ignored or forgotten.

The way I look at it, the better my customer's projects turn out with some free, non insulting but useful advice, they more successful they will be, and the more wood they buy. Also, if they think they may learn something, the more they go to my webapage, and hopefully learn something. 

[Ed_K]

 Y.H. that's a Dang great post 8).

[moodnacreek]

Yes they all seem to complain about there table saws. In most cases they are ripping with a cross cut or combo blade and don't know about rip saws. A thin kerf rip with the least amount of teeth makes a big difference in a weak table saw, well worth sending away for.

[WDH]

Yesterday.  Customer has a 50 minute drive to get home. Bought $125 worth of walnut. 



 


Guess that I better be like YellowHammer and spring for a roll of polyethylene plastic and some twine .

[Southside]

Naa - that's a good rope there Danny... :D

[Stoneyacrefarm]

I like that polka dot walnut you have down there Danny.  :D

[YellowHammer]

Yep, that's what I'm talking about.  Weatherman says "rain" so don't bring a tarp to pick up the most expensive wood in the shop with an open pickup truck.     :

[WDH]

And drive almost an hour in the rain :. 

[YellowHammer]

Tomorrow will be a soaker, rain all day.  Should be fun.  Lots of plastic and tape.  I may just buy a bunch of tarps and sell them.

Today, had a real nice fella come by and purchase $400 of wood and when the rope holding the wood was hand tightened, it just broke, obviously rotted. Oops. 

[Peter Drouin]

I look at the customer, If young like in the 20s I try to show/help them. If there old I figure they're too stupid to learn things. I don't wast my time.  : :D ;) 

[ellmoe]

How about "air up the tires on the trailer that has been sitting for two years , before you have the mill put 8,000 lbs. on it" . Sometimes , I think I'd make more giving the lumber away and just charging for air and  repair services. : 

[Cedarman]

Ellmoe found  another one for your list YH.  Make sure your tires are good and high.
I have to remember to get a box of red flags for those 16' boards sticking out the bed of an 8' PU.

[WDH]

Robert, now you need to buy a coil of rope. 

[YellowHammer]

Yes, it does seem I need to open up a hardware store.

It needs:
Rope
Ratchet Straps
Blue Tarps
Plastic Sheeting
Tape
Red Flags
Fuel  - Customer "Is there a gas station nearby?" :D Me - "Sure, you passed them all"
Drinks - Customer "Its really hot, I didn't bring anything to drink, is there a gas station nearby?"
Porta Potti - "Is there a gas station nearby?"  (I rented a Porta Potti for this a couple years ago)
Tweezers "I got a splinter"
Gloves "I got a splinter"
Band aids "I'm bleeding, I got a splinter"
A variety of sawblades "No, don't put a 180 tooth miter saw blade on your table saw"
A stack of tool catalogs "No, that tool is a piece of junk, save up your money and get one like this"
Different finishes "So what kind of paint do I put on the walnut?"
A bunch of Rite Leg bench seats
Vending machine - soft drinks and Moon Pies (This seems like a good idea, the proceeds might offset the Porta Potti rental fee)
Air hose for tires (good idea, been there done that)
Tire Plugging Tools "I have a flat, don't know why, the tires were good last time I used this trailer, a couple years ago"
Jumper Box with battery cables (I bought one of these last year, really handy)

[Bruno of NH]

YH
Good idea in selling tarps

[GRANITEstateMP]

YellowHammer,

The profit percentage from the "hardware" store that you've now talked yourself into building may be better than the lumber!  BUT, too many Moon Pie's may slow you and your employees down :-\

[Southside]

I had an employee on a bagging machine that we used to feed whoopie pies and Mountain Dew, that machine would have smoke rolling from the bearings!!!  Sugar has a great ROI in a production facility.   :D

[Peter Drouin]

Had a guy come in with a trailer, loaded him up and all the tires where flat.
Do you have some air? : : stupid_smiley
Well ya.  where over there. But I don't have enuff hose to reach. Then he wanted to drive the thing to the hose. I know and you all here know the tire will come off the bead if you move it.
I looked and found an old hoes, just made it.


Sent a customer home with lumber I cut for him. [his logs]
Be sure to stick it when you get home. [I cut him some sticking]
Two+ weeks he calls and has black, blue, green lumber.
Did you stick it? Ya, today.

[YellowHammer]

Well, today was a new one for me. I am still trying to metally process it.

I had a guy come in and ask of he could return some white, hard rock maple he bought a couple weeks ago because it just wouldn't stain to the dark color he wanted.  So the wood was obviously defectective.  Whaaa??

We said, well, it was "white, hard rock maple" and if you wanted to stain the wood dark, why didn't you buy a dark wood, instead of the whitest we have?

So he insisted he wanted to return the wood, and we said sure, as long as you haven't done anything to it, as we would have it re sold before he drove off.  It was good stuff.  

Then he says that he had already cut it all into little 6"x6" squares.   :D :D
We were astounded.  So nope, sorry.