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Author Topic: Wish people were better  (Read 1124 times)

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Offline Patrick NC

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Wish people were better
« on: July 25, 2020, 10:15:14 PM »
Father in law passed this morning about 4 am. He was 88 years old. My wife has provided care for him for about the last year. The last month or so she has had to stay there at night to care for him. This week Hospice was called in and they helped him die pain free. 
 My wifeís brother and sister did very little to help us through these trying times. But now that he has passed they show up to claim anything they can. Luckily all of his property and possessions were distributed while he was still in his right mind so there is very little to fight about. I wish they had been as interested in him as they are in whatís in it for them. Very disappointing. 
Sorry for the rant, but I had to vent somewhere. 

Offline Hilltop366

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Re: Wish people were better
« Reply #1 on: July 25, 2020, 10:46:00 PM »
Sorry for your loss, things like that can make tough times even tougher.

Offline Nebraska

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Re: Wish people were better
« Reply #2 on: July 25, 2020, 11:09:31 PM »
That stinks, sorry for your loss, glad your wife could be big when her father needed it most, when others chose to be small.

Online Walnut Beast

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Re: Wish people were better
« Reply #3 on: July 25, 2020, 11:17:31 PM »
My condolences. People come out of the woodwork when money or possessions are involved.

Offline Brad_bb

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Re: Wish people were better
« Reply #4 on: July 25, 2020, 11:22:44 PM »
When people show you who they are, believe them!
Anything someone can design, I can sure figure out how to fix!
If I say it\\\\\\\'s going to take so long, multiply that by at least 3!

Offline Bruno of NH

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Re: Wish people were better
« Reply #5 on: July 26, 2020, 01:51:55 AM »
Sorry for you and your wife's loss.
Your wife did the right thing.
Good people alway win out in the end. 
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Offline Sedgehammer

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Re: Wish people were better
« Reply #6 on: July 26, 2020, 06:12:53 AM »
That's hard. My side of the family has hurt us also. Least wise you guys know you did the right thing. That will be with you forever. Prayers from ours to yours.

Offline Autocar

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Re: Wish people were better
« Reply #7 on: July 26, 2020, 07:17:45 AM »
Been there done that I just keep my mouth shut and keep peace but it still sticks in my crawl. 

Offline thecfarm

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Re: Wish people were better
« Reply #8 on: July 26, 2020, 07:18:30 AM »
Sorry to year of the passing and the trouble that followed.
Just like my brothers. We took care of my Mother, stayed in what was my wife's house. She required round the clock care. When she died brothers wanted some of The Farm. These are the brothers that only came to see my parents on holidays, always weekend before or after. They might come up on their birthday. Than they would come to The Farm, maybe and I say maybe, once a year, and pull up in the driveway and say how good it looks, because of the work my father and me was putting in to it. 
All over now, have not seen them years. It's too bad people have to do that.
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Offline gspren

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Re: Wish people were better
« Reply #9 on: July 26, 2020, 08:10:03 AM »
Sorry for your loss. I've also seen the family fighting but it doesn't need to be that way. During my parents decline and deaths my brother and I took turns with appointments and chores during and after and we still get along great.
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Offline farmfromkansas

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Re: Wish people were better
« Reply #10 on: July 26, 2020, 08:21:44 AM »
My parents had a little trouble in their folks estates, my mom was one of ten kids, and grandpa had kept track of ones he had helped, and those he did not.  So the ones he had not helped out, got a bit extra.  Those who had the help were sore.  Split them up for a few years.  Then when my dad's mother passed on, his sister was fine, but her husband acted so greedy my dad was sore at him.  When my folks passed on, my sister and I did just fine.  I made a list of what I wanted, and equal amount for her, and we agreed. Glad I gave her all the old family pictures, as the folks old house burned down, and would have been gone. 

Offline Old Greenhorn

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Re: Wish people were better
« Reply #11 on: July 26, 2020, 08:36:19 AM »
I am sorry for your loss. I (we) have been there too. But we are pretty blessed that our parents raised their kids up pretty well. There are 3 of us kids, I have (had) a brother and a sister. My brother lived in Colorado his entire adult life after his military discharge and only came east about 3 or 3 times in over 40 years. Just phone calls and letters to keep in touch. When my parents got the the point that they needed more and more help, my sister and I shared the load, with our families supporting the effort. She lived 1 mile away from them and I am 4 miles. We would co-ordinate daily who was doing what, I would stop after work, and go back at bed time to assist, she would do the daytime visits, arrange meals and keep the meds straight. I did the doctors visits and kept track of the medical issues, treatments, etc and dealt with the hospitals. We got through it and allowed both my parents to pass on outside of an institution, which is what they wanted most. My Dad died in my arms, and my Mom died in my sister's presence.
 Although my sister and I are now in a very stressed situation for other reasons, we still love, respect, and work with each other. We both know that someday we will be past this and move on as before. 
 There were no issues with 'who got what' in fact, it is the other way around. My brother was alive when  Mom died and he made it clear that as we were carrying the burden, he did not want any of the inheritance and signed all the legal papers, along with his daughter (next in line), over to my sister and I. He passed a year later. My sister and I are having a hard time getting the kids and other relatives to take some of the special things we think they should have. Everyone is basically saying "I will wait until the others have gotten what they want, I don't want to take something that might be important to somebody else." It is a problem, but it could be much worse.
 I am very sorry for your difficulty, I can guess a little how much it brings you down because even with everything going well, handling the tasks you have ahead are not easy for anyone. Keep your head high, do what you know to be right as much as you can and you will get through it. As for your title on this thread, I wish people were better too, but that is not the way of the world many times.
 Be at peace in your heart. You did not make them that way, they did.
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I can work with wood, but I am NOT a Woodworker

Offline sawguy21

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Re: Wish people were better
« Reply #12 on: July 26, 2020, 11:15:26 AM »
A friend is a funeral director, he says he sees it all the time. Death brings out the worst in people. I went through that with my now estranged sister (her choice) when mom passed away, I gave up trying to mend fences with her, got tired of the drama. You can rest easy knowing you did the right thing.
old age and treachery will always overcome youth and enthusiasm

Offline JJ

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Re: Wish people were better
« Reply #13 on: July 27, 2020, 10:26:59 AM »
I just had my in-laws move in, they have the master bedroom for bathroom access and wife and I are in the basement.
Father in-law is 85 and has some dementia, some times ok other times not; sleeps alot and watches nothing but Fox news.  Mother in-law doesn't drive (husband did everything), ok health wise but was going crazy and taped up and covered all the windows in her house.  Covid, taking care of her husband, loosing track of bills and accounts, no fresh air...  Not a good scene, bad breakdown.

They were going downhill fast, so I bring them in my home and they are recovering and doing much better and obviously much happier.   They have both agreed to sell their house and rent a condo.. so now the fun begins as they have 30+ years of accumulated stuff and my wife has 3 other siblings.

So far working out as big ticket items divided up and good agreement to clear out the house and prep for sale.. but we will see if it carries through.  

Had to end quickly wife's sister's idea of assuming whats left of their mortgage, as property is worth about 2x (IMO), what they owe, but they are going to need the money to buy into a retirement condo which are pricey in my area.

I just hope this gets settled by winter, but probably wont.
Does anyone know how to dump a time share contract?   Do you just stop paying?

      JJ

Offline alan gage

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Re: Wish people were better
« Reply #14 on: July 27, 2020, 12:40:05 PM »
Sorry to hear of your loss.

I feel sorry for people like your brother and sister in-law. Can you imagine going through life like that? Being selfish seems to go hand in hand with being mean and mad and feeling like everyone is out to get you. That's no way to live.

Alan
Timberking B-16, a few chainsaws from small to large, and a Bobcat 873 Skidloader.

Offline jeepcj779

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Re: Wish people were better
« Reply #15 on: July 28, 2020, 04:38:32 AM »
JJ, I don't think you can just stop paying. Someone will end up in collections. There are multiple timeshare exit companies on the internet who can get a timeshare canceled (for a fee).

Offline Ianab

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Re: Wish people were better
« Reply #16 on: July 28, 2020, 05:21:20 AM »
If a timeshare is actually a desirable one, you may be able to sell it. Probably not at a profit, but maybe more than walking away. 

Not sure how you send a dead person to collections. You can put a claim in on their estate before things are finalised, but after that any mail gets returned as "deceased".  

Probably be worth getting some legal advice on what the timeshare contract actually states. 
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Offline samandothers

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Re: Wish people were better
« Reply #17 on: July 28, 2020, 08:18:16 AM »
Sorry to hear of your loss.  Tough enough to lose a loved one.  Too bad it has the extra drama added.  You can choose your friends but not family.

Offline Corley5

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Re: Wish people were better
« Reply #18 on: July 28, 2020, 08:31:45 AM »
  We let a Blue Green timeshare go back 15 years ago or so.  Called and told them we weren't giving them anymore money.  Never went to a collection agency and if it had a negative effect on our credit it wasn't noticeable.  
Burnt Gunpowder is the Smell Of Freedom

Online Walnut Beast

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Re: Wish people were better
« Reply #19 on: July 28, 2020, 12:09:42 PM »
Be careful. They may put a lien on other property owned by the individuals 

Offline jeepcj779

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Re: Wish people were better
« Reply #20 on: July 28, 2020, 04:31:17 PM »
Ianab, as I understood it, the time share owners were not deceased, so the time share company could still come after them.

Offline JJ

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Re: Wish people were better
« Reply #21 on: July 28, 2020, 06:18:12 PM »
Thanks for all the advice about time shares.
Not my cup of tea, don't like to have limited options for vacation housing that you must pay advance for.
Don't know why anyone would sign for one of these, i think are predatory.

Anyways the isolation was worse than risk for covid with my in-laws, I will do my best but have 3 teenagers, one who has HS graduation tomorrow and party with friends and family after who are mostly traveling from Maine.
Also 2 of them start college end of August and will be living in dorms.

      JJ

Offline Peter Drouin

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Re: Wish people were better
« Reply #22 on: July 28, 2020, 07:52:29 PM »
Thanks for all the advice about time shares.
Not my cup of tea, don't like to have limited options for vacation housing that you must pay advance for.
Don't know why anyone would sign for one of these, i think are predatory.

Anyways the isolation was worse than risk for covid with my in-laws, I will do my best but have 3 teenagers, one who has HS graduation tomorrow and party with friends and family after who are mostly traveling from Maine.
Also 2 of them start college end of August and will be living in dorms.

      JJ


Best of luck with all your doing in this busy time Sir. :)
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Offline moodnacreek

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Re: Wish people were better
« Reply #23 on: July 31, 2020, 12:59:51 PM »
A friend is a funeral director, he says he sees it all the time. Death brings out the worst in people. I went through that with my now estranged sister (her choice) when mom passed away, I gave up trying to mend fences with her, got tired of the drama. You can rest easy knowing you did the right thing.
Saw Guy, Your story is the same as mine. I never realized how common these family problems are. It causes a life time of unnecessary sorrow and the loss of family  strength.


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