Well, medicine isnt a silver bullet unfortunately.. Its also taken 11 years of duking it out for us to learn how to deal with each other. But its great now. And i will say this.. Being a mister nice guy doormat never ever works. Domineering, demanding, alpha type people [like your friends wife and mine] usually wont respect you unless they fear you a little too. Im not saying violence or abuse but you gotta have a spine.
If your buddy looked at her and said 'pack your crap and get out' shed probably fall in love with him. If she doesnt respect him its because she doesnt fear him enforcing his own independant boundaries when she gets out of line. Shes out of line because he lets her be that way all the time.
Example: "hunny get my keys and find my lipstick out of my purse in the car."
:doormat: "yes dear"
:guy who is done getting walked all over: is your leg broken? Ive got my own things to do, go get them yourself.
Yes it will lead to fights that simply must be had in order to restore the balance. Bottom line has to be "if im not happy im not staying with you, and im not happy with ABCD that you do to me. Treat me better or sign the papers."
She will shape up when he holds her to it.