A Funny Story

[red]

www.Tomssaw.com

[Den Socling]

I've been re-reading Tom's allegories. Very nice stuff.

[kwendt]

Gosh, this stuff should be a book... seriously.

[thurlow]

I spent 24 years in the military, the last 14 in HHD of a TN Army National Guard MP Battalion (we were kinda military).  One year we were at summer camp at Camp Shelby, MS and spent a few days 'in the field';  normally, this would be at Camp Shelby, but this year, we were sent to Desoto National Forest. Being a national forest, there were all kinds of restrictions;  no open fires, no cutting vegetation, no 'dug' latrines, etc.  Since we couldn't dig latrines, we were provided 'porta potties';  you know, plastic portable ones, about 3 or 4 ft. square and about 8 ft. tall.  The doors opened to the OUTSIDE.  The roads thru the forest were sand with a little red gravel and there were 3 or 4 potties at a road junction several hundred yards from where we were bivouacked.  One day, I was going down the road by my lonesome and heard a vehicle coming;  for some reason and without really thinking about it, I stepped over into the brush at the side of the road and was hidden from the traffic.  Happens, I was right across from the potties. A jeep came FLYING up and a lieutenant from the battalion was driving;  he slid right up in front of one of the potties; jerked the emergency brake on, leaving the jeep running.  He was in some kind of gastric distress and barely made it into the potty.  For some reason, he closed the door, which was kinda unusual, given the conditions...........South Mississippi in mid-summer.  The lieutenant was a good guy and I had nothing against him, but I couldn't let a situation like that pass.  I eased across the road, got into the jeep, let the brake off and eased up to the potty.  It was sitting on short wooden skids and I gunned the jeep as the front bumper touched the door.  Talk about SCREAMING!!!  I pushed it backwards a few ft., left the bumper against the door, pulled the brake on and left to go about my business.  I made sure no one saw me and could hear him screaming 'til I was out of earshot;  most of what he was screaming was threats.  Don't know who found him and let him out or how long it was, but he must have threatened their life if they told.  There was never a whisper of the event and I couldn't tell it myself;  no way would my name  have been kept from him, 'though I sure wanted to tell my buddies. 

[sawguy21]

 :D :D :D :D :D You sumbee.

[Magicman]

So you are the one that I have been looking for??   ??? ??? ??? ???   

You better dial 911 now 'cause I am on my way.      :D  :D

[red]

MM your a funny guy.!  !

I can't see you hurting a Fly

Let alone Easter Sunday

[kwendt]

🏆🏆🏆!!!!! ROTF

[kwendt]

Tom's stories are great! But I have a question for the old timers on here... What's a "cat head biscuit"? Lol

[Magicman]

Always home made (not canned) and could be hand patted instead of rolled out.  That makes them larger and mostly irregularly shaped.  To me, "Cathead Biscuit" is a slang term that describes a good belly-filling biscuit.   

[Shotgun]

Google is your friend.   ;)

[sandhills]

That's true, but I for one prefer to learn from people here that although I've never met also consider my friends  .  I've asked a lot of questions here and always enjoy the first hand knowledge from other members so I don't google much  :D.  BTW I had no idea what a Cathead Biscuit was until today  :D.

[kwendt]

Well I spent way more time trying to find out about these biscuits than I needed to spend. Some say southern, some say Appalacian, some say hog's lard, some say pinched some say pinched and rolled in the palm. Sigh. Some say big as a cats head, some say it's a nautical term, etc... Gravy? Jam? Every meal? It's quite the slang term apparently. Lol.

I just call em biscuits... And my biscuits are not from a can or a box..... And no more will I say, lest I get bumped to the Food thread!

I bet Shotgun didn't know either....  'fess up!

[kwendt]

Always home made (not canned) and could be hand patted instead of rolled out.  That makes them larger and mostly irregularly shaped.  To me, "Cathead Biscuit" is a slang term that describes a good belly-filling biscuit.   

nice....  I bet I can make some in big black cast iron pan... 

[beenthere]

Hand patted?  I thought I heard those Navy cooks just smacked the pinch of dough up under the armpit to flatten and pitched them out into the pan...all in one smooth motion. 
Maybe I heard that wrong, or it was just a joke...  ;D

[WV Sawmiller]

What about different sizes cat heads? In Saudi we had what we called "Big head" cats. Was usually a skinny bodied, notched eared, scarred, with very large headed tom cat who had a trash dumpster staked out. You better be careful when you got to close to it as when startled they just jumped out without regard to who was between them and the ground.

When we first got married I was in USMC. The first time we visited the commissary and my wife slowed down in front of the TV dinners and canned biscuits I told her not to even think about it. To her credit in nearly 38 years of marriage she has not fed me either.

Beenthere,

    I think you are talking about USN hamburger patties. I mentioned on another thread my dad, who was a cook in the Army, said best way to get Catalpa worm juice off your hands was to make a batch of biscuits.

[Don_Papenburg]

Yep, I heard that was how the burgers were flattened .

[JJ]

About 35 years ago, I was a free range kid in Winslow ME (against the law today according to the news).  I would rubber band my fishing pole to back of my bike like a CB wip, and bungee my tackle box between the handle bars; and off I go.  Ken was my fishing buddy and lived across town, next to big hydro dam at the end of the Sebasticook river where it dumped into the mighty Kennebec.

Small-mouth fishing the tail waters of this dam was exciting, but only when the dam was generating power which was only for few hours per summer day.  We had this place all figured out, and only needed yellow beetle spin for lure.  When the dam was closed (most of the time) we would climb around the rocks, and retrieve any lures we lost by snagging the bottom, plus gain few 'freebies' from others.  When the dam closed, fish would never bite so we needed other fishing holes. 

Our favorite alternative was up river by bike on Garland road, about a 1/2 mile there is small stream named Miles brook impounded by the Sebasticook dam.   Garland road crosses Miles brook with high highway bridge, and in shadow of this bridge, is what remains of much older bridge.  All that was left of this bridge was the cut granite pylons on each side of the brook, which you could crab across logs, sometimes getting quite wet; and climb up for a great casting platform about 10' above the water.  From here, with our zebco 202's we seemed to catch endless white & yellow perch, using only crawler worms and split shots, with the white perch being preferred due to being far better fighters. 

We spend many fine summer days there, with rods wedged butt first into cracks between granite blocks, and on occasion having rod pulled into water by feisty perch, resulting in swim if the pole could not be snagged with the other rod.  Here we eventually retired the zebco's for longer ranged open face reels.

Winter is long in Maine, and the open water fishing season starts appropriately on April Fools Day.  Some years, ice breakup is well after April 1, other years well before; but this particular year the breakup was on the fools day.  I attach my spinning rod (still new to me) to my bike, mount tackle box on the handle bar perch, and head to the dam.  The amount water coming over the dam from spring melt made the tail waters impossible to fish, so we head up river to Miles brook.  Getting onto the pylon was easy; walk across ice left over between the shore and the pylon.  The brook was open, but weed beds holding perch had yet to grow back; so fishing was good, but catching was slow (as they say). 

After a while of not catching; we look for other distractions.  Fetched up on shore of the brook was large (~12'x12') chunk of ice.  The 2 of us climbing out on this chunk found it quite solid being about 10" thick, so we decide to Tom Sawer & Huck Finn this raft.   Finding few long polls in woods, we shove off, and begin fishing in places which were normally out of casting range of the pylons.  In the distance, we started to hear sirens and we stop to watch the Garland road bridge with hopes of seeing Ambulance or Police car scream across.  Sure enough, there they were: Police, Ambulance, and Fire truck pulls onto bridge; but stops!   
Uh-Oh Dang, lets get out of here; we shove the ice raft to other shore hop into woods to hide.  The police and firemen hollering for us "We saw you"; "Come out"; "Stop Hiding"; "We have your bikes!"...  When they holler "The wardens are on way with the boat, to drag the river for you" we finally give it up;  :embarassed: and come out.   Because of the 2 bikes and fishing gear, we ride by ambulance to police station, for dad's to pick us up.

Dad, hearing the story as told by police: " a table top sized, of rapidly melting ice; causing a concerned citizen to call 911 to rescue stranded boys in middle of a rapid river"  resulted in me loosing my fishing pole and bike until May 1  >:( .   This fishing ban included spring vacation when my family traveled to visit grandmother in Sebring FL, who lived right on a canal into Lake Istokpoga; and great place for catching large-mouth. :(

Anyway in school yard, we had short spell of celebrity status from having our pictures both on front page of Kennebec Journal, and on TV during the evening news.  ;)

Today the Sebasticook dam is gone as was removed to restore the river for anadromous fish and eels, and sea run striped bass can be caught where the Sebasticook dumps into the Kennebec.  As a result, Miles brook is restored to its original state of being a tiny stream, and our fishing platform (pylons) are no longer in the water; but are still visible by google map (see white arrow):



 

My memories still have it as a place teaming with perch, which you can just almost cast to other bridge pylon; catching fish after fish on the slow reel back.

         JJ

[beenthere]

Good story JJ. And nowdays kids don't get such opportunities to just go out and "have fun". Almost all activity is regimented by parents and play clubs, be it soccer, football, or other supervised activity.

[SwampDonkey]

Being of the same age group as JJ, I was never in the house much neither. Dad's famous words to mother were: "where are those spoiled rotten kids" ?  ;D :D

Salmon and trout fishing all summer.  Tree houses, at our own makeshift camps and biking besides. Some of that biking was by moonlight. That's when we witnessed our first sight of foxfire glowing on rotten alder stems, was a bike by moonlight. 8)

[kwendt]

Wow, JJ.... I lived your story as I was reading it. I grew up fishing out of an old 18' all wood Old Town Sponson canoe out on Pleasant Pond Maine. Used to take her up brooks, over old logging roads, into scary overgrown back forest waterways searching for trout. I never figured I'd get lost or stuck.... And I was like 12 or so.

I don't even remember when I first learned how to start a fire, or stuff like that. But in my husbands family, the 'kids' aren't even allowed to light candles with a safety clicker at age 16.

Loved your story.... Especially the part about a concerned person calling the police to rescue you...lol.

[kwendt]

SwampDonk, I don't recall ever seeing foxfire.... Very neat... I'll have to keep watch....

[Jeff]

I've related this story privately, but never on the open forum. (names altered just in case) ;)

Dr. K and Katie have always had Dobermans.  One day, when their son David was little, he yelled for his mother saying Mummy Mummy! (Katie is very British). Sally has something sticking out of her behind! She can't get it out!

For the rest of the Story...

Doc tells about his mother being a miserable woman. His Father was a very good and kind man but his mother was "not that" and the two had separated years before. No one liked her and she was always miserable to be around. For Daughter-in-law Katie that was especially true.  The Mother in law had a habit of always wearing this same dainty pair of dress gloves. When she arrived to where she was going, (this time Doc and Katie's). She would take the gloves off and roll them into a small tube, and lay them near where ever she might be sitting until she was ready to go, then, she would retrieve the gloves and put them back on before she would leave.  When this particular visit came to an end, she could not find her gloves and it being her way, accused young David of taking them, even calling him a little liar when he said that he had not touched them. She eventually left without them and the young family in a dismay.

Fast forward to the next day and David calling for Mummy to come help Sally.  Katie reached down and slowly withdrew this object from the dogs behind. It turned out of course, to be the little dainty dress gloves. The dog had swallowed the little roll whole and that's just the way they came out too.

Katie, after the first initial shock, realized what they were and took a plan of action. She meticulously cleaned and then pressed the gloves. She got them to the point where they looked no different then they did before they went into Sally. Katie and Doc made a special trip to present the gloves back to Doc's mother. They never did tell her where they had been, but Katie said, from that time on, until the woman finally died, that she found pure pleasure and gave a big smile when ever her mother in law sat down and removed that dainty pair of gloves 

[sawguy21]

I had to stop laughing before I could type, that is hilarious. :D :D :D

[Magicman]

Oh no.  I have edited and deleted the rest of this reply....twice.    :D