Colloquialisms,

[Woodwalker]

Any of "y'all" ever use any of these expressions?
I'm out behind the "Car Shed" sitting on the "turtle hull" and thinking "Heavens to Betsy" I'm gonna have to tell "how the cow ate the cabbage" and someone is going to "have a wall-eyed hissy fit" when I do.  "It's getting darker than midnight under a skillet" with each passing minute, and "It's cold enough to freeze the horns off a billy goat." Now, I may be "as crazy as a bessy bug that's been stepped on" but the "proofs in the puddin". I'm gonna "have to take my medicine" and go back inside and "face the music".
It all started when I was a lying on the "couch"  and got to talking bout the brother and sister-in-law. All I said was "She should get shed of him", cause "he's acting wilder than a March hare." Now the brother is hers and I think "what done it" was when I said  "wish I could buy him for what I think he's worth and sell him for what he thinks he's worth," cause he's "Tight as Dick's hatband."
The next thing I heard from her was "I'll get a leather strap" if you don't "Get your feet off the divan!" you already "have your tail in a crack," and someone's gonna be on you " like a guinea on a cutworm."
Why, "I turned as white as a sheet," and let me tell you, "I lit a shuck", "slick as a button", " lit outa there like turpentined cat!"  All I could hear as I was going out the door was "I'm gonna snatch you bald!", "I'm going to get me a switch" " I'm going tan your hide"   "I'm going to slap a knot on your head",  "I ought to wring your neck"..............
Well, it's been a couple of hours and I need to "wet my whistle", a cold beer would be "larrapin."
bout now. Guess I'll try to make up. (I really didn't think she was that particular bout her brother.)
I'll ease up on the "front gallery" and call Hun? Baby? You ain't still mad at me are you?  "Come here and let me get the rats out of your hair" then we'll "Load up" and go down to the creek and do some fishing. You know, with your tan you are "brown as a berry".
"I haven't had so much fun since the hogs ate my little brother."

[DanG]

So, where wuz yer little brother going when the hogs ate him?  I hope he was in tall cotton. ;D :D :D

[Sprucegum]

That was a good'un! I understood 'bout 1/2 of it - and the pigs ate my little brother too  ;D   ;D

[Mooseherder]

I was fixin to get ready to. ;D

[Cedarman]

I'll be the little brother was  "so clumsy he tripped over an afterthought" and the pigs got him.

[thecfarm]

Best I can come up with,now that's a yarn by gory.I really enjoyed it.

[Roxie]

My Nanny would "knock you into the middle of next week" if she heard you talk like that.  She'd say that story "ain't worth the powder to blow it to H. E. double hockey sticks." 

[isawlogs]

     :D :D :D
Ya got to love this place , as soon as you think you have a handle on things  .....  a curve is thrown
  Hey , I got almost all of it ... you lost me with the hogs eating my little brother .... .

[tcsmpsi]

Now, I ain't so sure 'bout all that, Woodwalker. Those things they got on cars today...I don't know so much that they'd make a full fleged turtle hull.   :D

I don't know 'bout ya'll, but I sure did eat me a double helpin' of cabbage and peas on New Years.  I ate so much, I's fuller'n a tick on a dogs ear.

I'll tell ya...probably, my most used, most adaptable most pointedly non-commital commited influence is,

"I'll be there d'rectly."  or "I'll get to it d'rectly." or "See you d'rectly."  Gives one the appearance of being right on que, yet being assured that we ain't really got to make that a real major priority, but nontheless, sure enough on the way to get that accomplished, as soon as possible, pretty much.          ;D

[sawguy21]

I love that last one 'I'll get to it directly'. :D The issue will get addressed just not necessarily right away.

[scgargoyle]

Y'all could talk the ears off a china cat. :D

[Furby]

Or a chia pet! ;)

[Patty]

This is priceless.  :D 

I purtinear got the whole story and it was as worthless as teats on a bore. Why it was so bad it wasn't worth the powder it would take to blow up an ant's motorcycle.

She was SO ugly, she looks like she got beat by an ugly stick. One like her you call a double bagger...one for your head and one for hers!  :D 

[Texas Ranger]

Your brother in law was et up with the dumb butt to treat his gal thataway.

[bull]

Im so hungry I could eat the south bound end out of a north bound skunk...
I know a man who could talk a glass eye to sleep.
how's about up the road a piece.

what's the deal with brother gettin eatin by the pigs. ?????

can't get there from here.....
are I  from canada hey,,,
I'll be there in two shakes of a lambs tail.
slower than a cat covering 6!@#%^&* on a tin roof !!!!
heavins to mergatroid
you could knock me over with a feather
Im so happy I could fill my pants.
that went over like a lead balloon
that went over like a fart in an elevator...

[jackpine]

She was so ugly her mother had to tie a pork chop around her neck to get the dog to play with her

[Tom]

She'd make a freight train take a dirt road.

[LeeB]

Finer than frogs hair.
Dumb as a box of rocks.
Colder than a well diggers a22 in Wyoming.
Like pulling hens teeth.

[tcsmpsi]

My family's favorite as we're out to eat in the public, sitting at the table, and as she walks by, I lean out from the table just a little and mention, "Kinda looks like two hogs wrestling in a tow sack, don't it?". 

[Woodwalker]

Sitting here reading over these, I can pick out the ones from south of the Mason/Dixon without looking to see who posted. The closer to Texas, the more common or familiar the sayings are.  "Ya'll pull up a chair" and "let's chew the fat"  "a bit more".

[bitternut]

How about your full of hops, you dumb bunny, keep your shirt on, your mother ever have any kids that lived, he has two left feet. Thats all I can think of for now.

[Furby]

"Chew the fat" and "shoot the bull" are REAL common around here. 

[sawdust]

Any Newfies on here? they got the best expressions.
Stunned as a warf stick.
Stay where your at, I'll come where you is.

david

[Woodwalker]

"I swan",  "I ain't heered" some of these!

[sawguy21]

Sawdust, those guys speak a language all their own. :D :D :D