Does anyone else have trouble working with family?

Okrafarmer · October 05, 2016, 11:24:57 PM

It can be frustrating working with anyone you disagree with. I'd say, whether you work with him or not, love your dad. Don't appreciate him for the way he does things, appreciate him for who he is.

Cedarman · October 06, 2016, 05:36:51 AM

My youngest son Ian (Cedar ninja) pretty much runs the mill. I set the job priorities and he gets them done. Trust is something that develops over time. He has shown he can make the goal, but lots of times does it different and many times better than I would. I focus on the goal, more than the process of meeting it. I still question and don't hesitate to give advice. If it is good, he takes it, if it is bad he doesn't hesitate to tell me it won't work and why. Once we set the goal, the best thing for me to do is get out of the way before I get run over.
It takes several years to go from an employee working for wages to feeling like you have ownership of the business. I want to do less and play more and the only way that will happen is if he takes full control.
My oldest son Aaron (Okmulch) has our business in Ok. We talk several times a day. Sometimes about the grandkids playing ball and school etc, but mostly about what is going on. By bouncing things off each other, the end result is better. Focusing on the goal helps decide what needs to be done.
If we both pull on the same end of the rope, we can accomplish a lot more.
Many of you have met my sons and family at the pigroast. You know why I am proud of them.
My 2 daughters went different directions. Dirt and sawdust were not for them. They are doing well, but just not in the wood business.

I am going to throw this out there. You might ask your dad if he trusts you to make good decisions. If he says yes, then request that he let you make them and try things your way. If it works great, if not, then what is lost. If he says no, then ask him to explain why he doesn't want to let you have some control. It may be that he fears losing control. Just an idea here for what it is worth.

Okrafarmer · October 06, 2016, 07:38:34 AM

Love, and how to express it properly, is becoming a lost art. Loving someone who does not know how to express love back to you, or does not love you, is an extremely difficult thing. People express love in many different ways. But two of the universal ways are through making time to spend time together, and through acting respectful during that time (and in any correspondence). To me, I see that you are wanting to make the time to spend the time with him, which is a good sign that you care about him. Acting respectful and/or happy to be with him might be the next thing to work on. You can disagree with someone in your heart without it making you bitter or antagonistic. It takes work, but we as human beings have the capacity to control our outlook.

If you look on milling as spending time with Dad, instead of manufacturing lumber, then you will come a long way. And it may be that this should be something done less often if it frustrates you. Do it only as often as you can handle. There are other things you can do with Dad-- go over for dinner, invite him over for dinner, go out to dinner (or breakfast), go hunting, fishing, to car shows, or whatever other activities the two of you find enjoyable. In Maine, there's a sawmill or two or more in just about every town, I know, because I grew up there, in Clinton. If you want to do sawmilling, I'm sure within a 25 mile radius of your house there are other people you could hang out with and do some productive milling.

Also, if your dad's a born Mainer, I know born Mainers can be very stubborn at times, many of them, and their love language is almost always respect, and random acts of kindness. They don't like to talk about love, usually, especially the men, and they don't like bear hugs man-to-man, usually, but they thrive on respect, time spent, and acts of kindness. Your dad may be different, but by your description, I'm guessing I've pegged him. ;)

fat olde elf · October 06, 2016, 03:28:51 PM

How much Irish are you ? How about your dad ?

James MacDonald · October 07, 2016, 09:52:47 PM

Thank You Guys for all of your perspectives.

I am almost finished trying to connect with my Father, age 91 and about to complete his Hospice Program.

I never got it quite right with him, and he never did with his Father. I have used up all vacation time these last few years with my employer, but keep going to Florida to visit, run errands and be there.

I know, in my heart, he has some pride in my professional accomplishments, Wife and Daughter and Grand Daughters, even if they are never expressed.

He was surprised, and shook his head that I took up sawmilling so late in life. He accepted it was OK as it was my plan to still make money while retired.

Last visit, after church, He had to have another talk with me about 3 things I had done wrong during my visit. It almost took my breath away, wanting to defend my actions...... Instead I reached over, patted his leg and said

"I am sorry, I will try harder, and Thanks for all you have done for me".

I never really got it right between us, and now my Father is 140 pounds, about to complete the program, And never will.

I do want to Thank all You on this Educational Forum, for all We Share Together. There must be even more people that never participate that learn from Us!

Jim Mac

PC-Urban-Sawyer · October 07, 2016, 10:24:02 PM

In August of 1968, my father and I had very heated discussion about my plans for the future. I was 19 years old at the time and had been invited to abandon my studies at the University due to low grades. My dad wanted me to go to "junior" college and I said I would just as soon join the Navy... The discussion got very hot and we both went to bed angry.

The next morning my parents left on a long planned vacation trip to the Baptist camp at Ridgecrest, NC. This was their first vacation alone since I had been born. I did not apologize or "make up" with my dad before they left.

A week later I got a phone call. My parents had been killed in an accident involving their car and an eighteen wheeler. Dad had lost control of the car during a thunderstorm and crossed the median on I-75 in Georgia. The car was broadsided by a semi in the northbound lane and they were killed instantly.

To say my life was affected is too mild. I have never been the same. It took me a long time to ask the Lord to forgive and heal me for the disrespect I showed my father.

I urge you to never give up trying to "live" with your Dad. You never know when the conversation you're having with him will be your last.

Herb

Okrafarmer · October 07, 2016, 10:59:52 PM

Wow, Herb, I'm sorry you had to go through that. :-\

Seaman · October 08, 2016, 06:47:36 AM

This has I believe been one of the best threads on FF.

PC-Urban-Sawyer · October 08, 2016, 08:35:26 AM

Quote from: Okrafarmer on October 07, 2016, 10:59:52 PM
Wow, Herb, I'm sorry you had to go through that. :-\

Thanks, Okra.

Herb

Magicman · October 08, 2016, 08:48:56 AM

Herb, I am sure that your Dad's prayer was for you and your future. We can never forget nor cease to regret, but I suspect that in some kinda strange way that experience helped to build you into the man that you are today.

PC-Urban-Sawyer · October 09, 2016, 12:09:02 AM

Thanks, MM. I'm sure you're right.

Seems OP has been banished due to other issues. I believe this post/topic has been much more beneficial than anything else he might have done here.

Thanks again.

Herb