A Funny Story

[logwalker]

One of my all-time favorite places is Scotty's Castle in northern Death Valley. On one of my visits to the Castle our tour leader told a funny story.

The story goes that once, when it was being built, a female tourist asked Scotty why they had such a large herd of mules at the job site. Scotty, always a quick wit answered "We need them to haul all the fuel for our large fleet of trucks." The lady thought a moment and then asked him why they needed all the trucks, to which Scotty replied, "Well, we need those trucks to haul the feed hay for the mules" After that the lady didn't ask anymore questions.

For some reason I always remembered that story.

Joe

[H60 Hawk Pilot]

Well, it's Getting around to the End of the Year and Time for Some Fun or Yarn's (I think).

I think of my Dad (died Dec. 09) and he was a great story teller. Some of his story's were true and some parts (not so true) were added in for the heck of it.

Anyway, if you have some story's about working in the woods or funny, just crazy things that happened... please share them.  I'm in the mood for light hearted chat and shared experiences from others that bring on a chuckle or two to the FF folks.

My one story is about cutting saw timber alone and getting pinned against our dozer by a tree. I was cutting a nice oak that was straight and looked 100% to me. The oak split back in a heart beat and pushed me against the tracks of our dozer. I was held there with just enough pressure to hold me fast against the dozer. The pressure on my chest was not enough to keep me from breathing.  Lucky for me, a state worker came along the road and saw me there and cut me free. I was held there for about an hour or so.

I told my Dad what happened, he told me that I was not careful enough. He said, " I told you not to cut anything that would get you in trouble, " and You need to Listen to Me ! "  Anyway, this happened in the 60's and I never got cut or busted up (except that one time). I must have listened most of the time (small joke   ). I'd like to have him here right now... to tell me some of his old story's, we'd laugh :D, perhaps a big belly laugh... if it was a real good one. My Dad was a Man's Man and dearly missed. I feel... that other's here may have similar thought's (fond memories) of their Loved Ones.

Share a funny story or spin a truth based yarn.

Happy Holiday's & Be Safe Out There !

Avery
 

[Cedarman]

My brother and I were raised by my aunt and uncle.  When we were about 9 or 10, they were going to cut a few dead elms in our small woods.  We were told to stay far away because if that tree hit us, we would be nothing but grease spots.  We were told about being grease spots anytime something big could fall or crossing railroad tracks or getting hit by a semi.  We have always been careful not to become grease spots.

[Jeff]

If you're looking for a funny story, we have quite a collection here and you can still add your own.

A Funny Story Thread

[JV]

Well, one piece of sage advice I received as a boy was "Never pee on an electric fence."  I took that to heart and never did.  However, others did not in some form or other.  We had coons raiding the garden once, so we decided to put up an electric fence around it.   We put it about 6" above the ground for best effect.  All the time we were erecting it, our old yellow tomcat  lazily observed the procedings.  Now you almost had to drive a stake next to him to see if he moved and if he did, it was slow and deliberate.  After turning the fence on and checking it, we decided to wait for the coons.  Well, old Mr. Tom decided to check it out.  He ambled slowly over, stopped, stuck his nose out toward the fence, and as he was within about 3/4" away, it arced with a loud snap.  Nothing.  Almost in slow motion, his fur stood up, and he seemed to double in size.  With a full head of steam, legs churning, snorting, he headed for the barn sounding like old No. 9 pulling out of the station.  At dusk, we could hear the young coons playing.  Suddenly, it sounding like a pack of wildcats.  Cat and coons never bother the fence after that.   :D

[H60 Hawk Pilot]

JV

I got a Big Chuckle from your Electric Fence Story and thought of my Dad's Electric Fence Story.

We had a dairy farm and had  80 or so milking cows. However, in every herd of cows, a bad apple or two will come about. This one cow was named  Road Runner.  She was a real nut case and in her former life... she may have been a race horse or race car driver or escape artist or worst  :D .  She'd run ahead of the herd with her tail up and was always up to new trick's. She'd open the siding barn door with her head and get into the chop storage area and make a big mess. Her worst trick was >> walking through the electric fence and getting the whole herd into the corn field.

My Dad worked at the State Prison Farm during the day and my Mother and I were left with the day to day farm chores. It was pure madness and just short of total exhaustion to get these cows out of the corn. It was important to get them out in short order due to them eating too much of the corn and bloating (as I recall ?).  I'd chase 10 to 15 out and about the same number would run back in during my next attempt. Exhausted, I finally used a our farm tractor with the bucket pointing down & blowing the horn. I'd nearly hit them but stopped short of this to advoid injury to our cows. Anyway, after about four or five of these deals and a lot of ruined corn... my Dad had enough.

He declared war on Road Runner and had plan that would teach her a lesson. She be stopped or end up as dog food.  It was on a Saturday and my Dad was off that day. We milked the herd and were going to put them in the pasture next to the corn. Before we left them out of the barn, my Dad went to the old milk house where the electric fencer was and disconnected it. The old milk house still had 220 Volts in it for the milk cooler that had been there before.  He Y Y'd  a two prong connection from the old 220 V. line that was disconnected from the old cooler.

We waited to see what Road Runner would do and we did not wait too long. She walked straight toward the corn field with all the other cows right behind her.  Dad waited with the power 220 YY'd lead in his hand and as soon as Road Runner touched the fence... he laid the 220 on the fence line. Road Runner went down and he left it on her for about 5 seconds. The pasture grass was wet with dew and she got a full load of 220 volts and 60 amps or so. He disconnected the 220 line and we jumped in the pick up and went down to her. We repaired the mashed down fence line and she had got up and moved to the middle of the field. Road Runner looked Ok, but was Not her normal self and had mixed into the middle of the herd and not show boating now. I guess, one would say that... Road Runner had her Mind Right... Boss and she wouldn't Run No More (line taken from Cool Hand Luke Movie).  

Later that day, when we brought the herd in, Road Runner did not want to walk through the gated areas where the fence gates were. She never went through the fence lines again. I guess this was a total learning experience for her. This shocking expereince was much better than ending up in packing house as >> Dad's brand dog food  :D (little joke here).

 

 

[doctorb]

One summer long ago, when I was a runner, I was making my way back up a long hill to my house.  With about 1/2 mile to go, I came upon a Camero parked on the soft shoulder of the road.  Both doors were wide open, a girl was seated in the passenger seat, and the male driver was laying down on the driver side floormats working up under the dash.  At the moment I arrived he pulled out some wires, sat up and yanked the stereo out of the dash.   All the while, he was cussin' a blue streak.  I could hear him long before I reached the car.  I mean non-stop f-this and m-f that.  His was livid.  He got out of the car, took the stereo and heaved it into my neighbor's cow pasture, on the other side of the little country road.

I stopped and asked him as nicely as possible, as I could see that he was boiling over, that, despite his current rage, could he not throw away his junk into my neighbors field?   He verbally lit into me big time, but his girlfriend told him he was acting like a jerk, and told him to retrieve it.  Reluctantly he stepped over the electric fence wire and picked up his stereo.  When he stepped back over the electric wire to exit the field, the wire touched the back of his exposed thigh (had shorts on) and he got shocked.  I didn't think his language could get worse, but it did.  He screamed at the girl for making him pickup the radio, threw it past her into the back seat, and started the engine.  With that, she got out of the passenger door, slammed it shut and walked away.  He drove off sending gravel everywhere.  Turns out that the girl and I had mutual friends.  We walked home and I gave her a lift to her house.  No, no romance there, but we still exchange Christmas cards and laugh about the incident each year.  Doctorb

[JV]

Oh yeah, cows, pure cussedness, and greed seem to go together.  Back when we still picked corn rather than shell it, we of course stored the ears in cribs.  During an exceptional fall with good yields, the excess that wouldn't fit in the cribs had to be stored elsewhere.  Dad's solution was to lay saplings in a row as floor joists.  Then we nailed native lumber on top for a floor.  Once the floor was made, a roll of picket fence was laid out in a circle about 15' diameter.  It was filled about 3/4 full an another ring of fence was installed inside the first.  About 3 or 4 layers made a good temporary silo.  An electric fence was placed around about 3' from the picket.  We had this old white Holstein cow that must have been part deer.  She could get in more trouble than the rest of the herd put together.  She continually tested the fence and finally found a weakness.  I spotted her one day kneeling down on her front legs, head and neck twisted sideways under the fence pulling ears of corn out between the slats.  Once she had her fill it was time to retreat.  One problem, she forgot the electric fence above her neck.  Whe she tried to stand, the fence caught her squarely across the neck just ahead of her shoulders.  All four legs appeared to splay outward horizontally.  She bounced up and down several times emitting a deep "baaawwwwl" each time.  Finally, she managed to clear the fence.  No more robbing corn for her.  

[Jeff]

Tom's funny story thread has been an institution here on the Forestry Forum for almost a decade. It's the perfect place to add your story and continue a Forestry Forum tradition.

[SwampDonkey]

My brother and I were raised by my aunt and uncle.  When we were about 9 or 10, they were going to cut a few dead elms in our small woods.  We were told to stay far away because if that tree hit us, we would be nothing but grease spots.  We were told about being grease spots anytime something big could fall or crossing railroad tracks or getting hit by a semi.  We have always been careful not to become grease spots.

:D :D I've been a grease spot a few times when the wood fire gets a little toasty. Have to open a window to solidify and regain shape. :D

[beenthere]

Well, one piece of sage advice I received as a boy was "Never pee on an electric fence."  I took that to heart and never did.  .........

Dat's good advice.

Workin on the farm, and the hired hand had the idea that a very fine copper wire run out through the grove to the pasture fence was needed to keep the cows and the big herford bull in the pasture. Had a high voltage weed cutter feeding it. The hired combine operator stopped behind the grove, thinking he was going to get a "pee" in before driving through the farm yard. Well, when he came in he was pretty red in the face. Seems he discovered the "hidden" wire going out through that grove.  :D   (glad it was him, not me).

[H60 Hawk Pilot]

Mine was holding a Playboy Mag. in my hand outside a Elephant's cage and getting (nearly) pulled inside the cage by Mr. Elephant. I dropped the Playboy and he ate it, I was shaking.. thought my arm was going to get puled off as we went through the bars od his cage. This event happen in the Siagon Zoo in 1971.

[sawguy21]

Reminds me of the time I was riding a Belgian bare back, no saddle was gonna fit that monster, through a snowy field. The trail led under a spruce tree so I leaned over as far as I could... and fell off. That cussed horse made me walk all the way back to the barn looking over her shoulder to make sure I was still there. >:( I never did get along with those miserable beggars.

[JV]

For some reason, a lot of my memories about livestock involve electricity in some form.  We raised cattle, hogs, sheep and chickens at one time or another.  Sending them to market sometimes wasn't the easiest chore.  Dad had several friends who hauled livestock, one who did most of our hauling was Bunk.  Short, bow-legged, and usually laughing, he was a typical stocker.  Among his arsenal was a short whip, a cane, and a "hotshot".  The hotshot was an electric stock prod that took 9 or more D cell batteries and stepped up the voltage to encourage a reluctant critter to go up the loading chute. 

Well, one day we were loading old sows we had culled from the breeding stock.  It went fairly well until one decided she was not going up the chute.  I decided to "tail" her up so we could finish.  "Tailing" involved grabbing the tail and twisting it up over her back and pulling on it while you put your shoulder against her rump and pushed.  Well, I got her halfway up the narrow chute and she dug in her heels.  She's locked in position and I'm at about a 30 degree angle to the chute with my legs tucked up under me pushing as hard as I can.  Bunk says "I'll git her up there."  He grabbed the hotshot and applied it to her rump and pushed the button.  By this time I had established a really good contact with this critter.  As the current was surging through us, my legs involuntarily straighten.  She catapulted up the chute to the front of the truck in mere seconds.  As Bunk was laughing, I was envisioning applying that hotshot giving him another reason to walk stiffly.  :D

[H60 Hawk Pilot]

JV That's a Good One

I remember when the Hotshot's came out but we never moved enough livestock to buy one.

My Dad had a man (Charlie Fisher) wire up our new barn.  Charlie was ruuning 220 V. to the stable cleaner motor on the other side of the barn.  I was 15 or 16 YO and his helper & did whatever Charlie asked me to do. He sent me to the main electrial box to wire up some 110 outlets and it was hot & on other side of barn. I was feeding the wire in and the ends were strriped back and the panel face was off and on the ground. Anyway, when I was about to tighten some f the lugs.. I got my screw driver in the wrong place and got a real shock. I was just able to break free from the shock. I learned that day... that working a elect. box hot is just stupid and can kill you. This shock was from 110 volts, 15 amp elec. power. Forgot to mention that I was standing in a calf pen and it was wet in there and I was well grounded too.

Working in the Woods and Farming is Listed in the Top Ten of the Most Dangerous Professions.... No Doubt About It !

[Sprucegum]

When I was about 10 years old Larry and I decided we needed to practice our roping. We had already been warned to leave the calves alone and the sheep were to lazy to move so we headed for the pig barn.

I made a few tosses without catching anything; them Dang pigs are quick so Larry got a bright idea. I would climb on the shed roof, a low shed, only 7 feet to the peak, and dangle the lasso in front of the door. Larry would chase a pig out and I would catch it - easy as pie.

Getting up there was easy and dangling the loop was easy and catching the pig was easy and he jerked me off that roof like it was easy....hitting the ground was hard! even with the 4 inches of mud to break my fall. Pig pen mud is a very special kind of mud  :(

[H60 Hawk Pilot]

Big Smile's for Sprucegum...you and I were great roper's (well sort of) & we had similiar & brilliant ideas... here's mine.

We had river bottom ground and big hay fields that were flat and smooth to run on. I got two old Harley's, one running & one for parts, they were 1947 (61 C.I.) knuckle heads.

My buddy Roy drove and I was behind him on the big buddy seat. We made about four try's until I lasso'd a big doe.  I had the rope tied off to the front end of the bike. I had a folding knife in my pocket for... just in case I needed it (glad I did).

Man what a mistake to rope that deer, she went crazy and jumped around like a kanger-roo. In the course of  3 or 4 minutes... ahe beat us up pretty good with >> rope burns, bruises and those hard feet of her's but a real hurten on us. Finally she ran out of rope and wound around the motorcycle (laid on it's side) with the rope on her.  I was able to cut the rope off her neck and she was free of us and we were double DanG glad to be free of her.

Roy & me Laughed & Laughed.... even though that deer but some good lick's on us.  We still laugh when we talk about the old times and how kids had great fun in the old days.

If you ya want to hear it, I'll share my story about the Air Bike I made and pulling the big old Bob Sled with chain's on the Harley ?

[Slabs]

Avery, you got a death wish.  No wonder you took up helicopters.

[sawdust]

Old aint dead

I get into some strange situations at work I always snicker about this.

We were transporting this elderly lady somewhere for tests. She was about 90, tiny, demure, classy and in full possession of her faculties.
I told her that I could adjust the temperature in the ambulance to what ever would make her comfortable. Smiling up at me she said that she was a bit cold "but I don't know that there is enough room for the both of us on this bed"
I'm not speechless often.
DC

[Patty]

I bet you blushed, didn't you!  :-[

You probably made her day, just being polite and so kind.

[Jeff]

sawdust, that brought a big smile to me this morning.

[H60 Hawk Pilot]

I Have a Speechless Experience to Share.

I was working in Mojave, CA at the time as a H-60 maint. test pilot and part timing as a diesel mechainc on GSA vehicles at Edward's Airforce Base. I worked for a friend of mine that had a contract with Edward's. I had just left his shop  on a Saturday and was going to stop at a little bar in Lancaster that had live music in the late afternoon. Going to the bar... I saw a little car do something that I thought was impossible and it was... it crashed big time. The car was a litttle TR-6, a two seater convertible. The car was coming toward me on the two lane rural road. This happened in the high desert near Lancaster, the car turned about 60 degrees and shot across my lane about 100 yards in front of me. My brain said, ain't No car made that can do that and keep from rolling over but it did not roll. The TR6 nosed (road was 4 or 5 ft. higher) into the desert and flipped end over end.  I saw a big clould of dust and thought I saw something fly out of the car but was not sure.  I pulled over to the side of the road and dust was just settling and I saw something (a human form) sticking up and ran over.  It was a women and she was just sitting there and not a sound from here. She looked like she had been covered with about a 50 lb. sack of fine talumun powder. She was batting her eyes and trying to focus her eyes. I asked if she was Ok, finally, she said, I'm Ok I think.  She asked about her friend -- Steve.  I saw him a few feet away and he was just starting to move. Steve was laying flat on the ground and covered with dust too but had jeans on.

They both got up (slowly) and then I noticed the women was completely naked... just finely dusted. She was about a 8.8 with lot's of dust and most likely a 10 without dust (little joke  :D.  I asked them... what happened and they said, it happened so quick, the car just shot across the road.  I went over to the car and it had beer cans in it and smelled that way too. I asked them about going to the hospital and they said they were Ok.  She asked for a ride to her mom's house that was close by.  I went to my 1 ton service truck and got a spare uniform shirt out of the cab and gave it to her (Ya, I'm a Officer & Gentleman type, most of the time).

We were going down the road and my little mind was smiling & trying to figure out what really happened. I thought that some type of >> in the car antic's were in play << for the car to dart across the road like that; and Lucky for them they did not get hurt.  I was Speechless when I saw this accident happen and then... a very pretty nude (a dusty 8.8) gal to boot. Also, I forgot to get my shirt back but that was no big deal, it was worth this crazy experience.  I continued on to the little bar and had a good meal. I had a couple beer's too and set back and had some smile's come to mind (what had happened that afternoon). I remember that the band played good oldies, the lead singer did the song " La Bama "... and he did it really well. It was a great afternoon, I was glad to be alive and ain't life something ! ? !

Yep.. Fond Memories and Speechless to-This- Day About that One !

Avery

[Paul_H]

My daughter Jodi called a couple days ago and told me about the Christmas Eve dinner our family had.(we couldn't attend)

She sat across the table from my Dad and my Uncle Thor after dinner.Thor's batteries in his hearing aid died and he coouldn't hear.My Dad took the batteries out of his and gave them to Thor who is far more deaf.

Thor said "thats way better" and my Dad said "hey?"

[Tom]

That's great!!  You have a daughter with a good sense of humor.   

That would have gone right over the head of most folks.  :D :D

[SwampDonkey]

Not me, I know some old farts take the batteries or aides out all together.  Much quieter. ;D :D :D