A Funny Story

[Paul_H]

Do they turn their backs toward you too,Bill?  ;)

[SwampDonkey]

No, they just read lips and say Ha?!? to annoy ya. ;D Put my hand up to my mouth while talking to return the gesture. :D  Sometimes it's more peaceful for the old fart to not be annoyed by family members nagging about batteries and turning the darn aid up. Can get on a man's nerves. :D

[Raider Bill]

Back in spring of 07 I rented a dozer to start the tenn project from scratch. I had to put in a 1/2 mile driveway and dig out the basement. I rented a dresser 15 because that was the biggest they had available at that time. I had never even sat on a dozer prior to this. I was alone with no idea what I was doing. The company had dropped it off before I got there so I never got the this lever does this and this knob does that talk. It was all OJT.

So in the first few days I got my driveway in but blew a hydraulic hose so they had to come out and replace it. The mechanic wasn't all that thrilled he had to do this in the middle of the woods and took a couple short cuts like not cleaning the belly pan of the oil and not putting the side panels back on the engine area.

The following day I got bored digging out the basement so I started putting in some trails to see what I had actually bought land wise.

Bull Dozers are powerful things! I found I really enjoyed smashing down large trees [should have been a Army tanker. Would probably have preferred to be a USMC tanker as their dress blues are way better looking but my parents were married and they weren't Brother and Sister so I wouldn't have qualified to be a Marine Grin]

Heck I even put a couple dents in my truck refueling the thing.

So there I am happily dozing away down in the bottom of the property when I notice smoke coming from the belly pan. Not a lot of smoke but still somethings burning. This can't be good....

I look down and sure enough there's a bunch of leaves and twigs [remember there are no side panels to stop this crap like pine needles from falling into the belly pan full of hydraulic fluid] burning but I can't reach that far down. I have nothing to pour on it as I had drank all the water and beer I had brought a while ago. Couldn't even get a drop of pee having sweated all liquids away. I had a fire extinguisher in my truck but that was a mile away and all up hill, steep hill too I might add.

Now I'm sitting in a pine forest, my pine forest that I just bought and didn't really  want to start off with a forest fire so I decided to drive it out of the woods. Away I go, full speed ahead can't see anything due to smoke and trees, have no idea really where I am because I was just ambling around making random trails so I pretty much just went up hill hoping to get to my truck before this thing blew up.
WHD and Custom Sawyer have seen the terrain, it's very steep in some places one of which is dead ahead of me unbeknownst. At times it was so steep I thought the thing was going to tip over backwards. Looking back I should have found a better place to drive but [1,] I really didn't know the land well at all.[ 2,] smoke was getting pretty bad and now the fires crackling away and flames are starting to shoot up. [3,] It's starting to get a bit "sporty"

I get about half way up this hill and find a fresh trail I had put in so knowing if I follow that against the flow of debris I should end up where I started and safety.

I get within sight of the paved road but still a long ways from my truck and kaboom the thing explodes! I do my very best leap, tuck, roll and run. Shocked, The dozer continues on unmanned for 25-50 feet then quits. [ it actually was a radiator hose let loose but scared the crap out of me!] It's in a open area near the paved road at least so I figure I'm ok.

Now I need to call 911 but no signal so I dial 911 hit send and start throwing the cell phone into the air hoping to catch a signal while I walk uphill towards my truck.

About half way up I get a signal and it's ringing!

911 what's your emergency?

I have a bull dozer on fire,

Why don't you put the fire out?

ah because I don't have anything to put it out with.

You should have a fire extinguisher on the machine at all times Sir.

ah well I don't so could you send a fire truck?

Where are you located?

Co RD ###

Sir there is no CO RD ###

It's also called Liberty hill Rd

Sir there are no roads by that name

sigh
Ma'am I'm  sure that's the road I just bought this property and that's what it says on the deed.  Co Rd ###

Sir, Where are you from?

Florida

oh that explains it

Explains what?

Well you called the wrong 911 center this is Monroe CO fire you need Mcminn County

Ma'am I called 911 you answered,

Sir I answered because you called us instead of McMinn where you should have called.

Ma'am I dialed 911 and need a fire truck can you help with that or should this dozer just burn?

Sir, don't get snippy with me.

Can you transfer me to the proper place?

I can try, click......

Silence,

Silence,

silence,

911 what's your emergency?

I have a bull dozer on fire, requesting a fire truck

Sir I just spoke with you this is Monroe 911 you need Mc Minn 911

Ma'am you were supposed to transfer me, can you just call them and relay the call for service?

click

click,

silence

silence,

911 what's your emergency?

I have a bull dozer fire.

Now I have 2 call centers on the line the first Ladies telling the other that there is a "Person" from Florida on the line with a problem but he doesn't know where he is.

New Dispatcher
what is the address of the fire Sir?

Co Rd ###

What is the exact address Sir?

There isn't one ma'am I just bought this land.

What does it say on the mail box?

There is no mail box

Why not you can't get mail without one out there.

I don't want mail I want a fire truck.

I need to know the address sir!

Well Ma'am here's the deal....... send a fire truck to CO RD ###. Tell them to stop at the first burning bull dozer they see.

How will they know they are at the right address sir?

You got to be kidding me Lady, the roads only about 3 miles long how many burning dozers do you think there are going to be?

Don't be short with me Sir we get you Floridians all the time thinking they know everything!

Ma'am all I know is that I have a bull dozer on fire and am requesting a fire truck to put it out. I'm not trying to be a *#$@  here but this is getting ridiculous. I'm just glad this isn't a life or death situation or someone would have been dead already.

Watch your mouth Sir this line is recorded.

Really then hopefully someone listens to it and see's how hard it is to get a fire truck.

Sir why don't you use a fire extinguisher?

I don't have one.

You should always have one.

Well I don't

hold on.....

click

click

click

silence........

Sir where did you say you were again.......

Well to make a long story short the fire trucks and I mean trucks showed up. I forgot this was a volunteer fire dept area so they get excited and send everything when all we needed was 1 small brush truck but at least they finally got there and got the fire out. Later they told me that this was the first time they got to use the brand new truck as all the others had burned when the fire house caught fire a few months ago. Except for the new one the other 4 were loaners.

Fire Chief comes up to me and says' I understand you gave linda a hard time on the phone?

Who's Linda?

My sister in law that works at 911 we don't take kindly to Northerners  coming down here being rude.

Well Chief for the record I'm from Florida so to be precise you are the Northerner here. Grin

Fire Chief,  Shocked Shocked Angry Angry Angry Angry I thought the top of his head was going to blow off Grin Grin

So now a Deputy Sheriff waddles over. His nickname turns out to be Bubba Roll Eyes what's the chance of that?

He starts in on my Yankee attitude and how people like me do not have any idea what EMS and the Police go through on a daily basis.

OH really...... Well Deputy, having worked years on a  Police Dept with the last 5 of them being a crime control team car that only responded to in-progress calls   AND when I can pretty much say that my squad was probably  bigger than your whole dept I understand what the deal is but if you had any idea what it just took to get a fire truck out here I believe you would understand my attitude on the phone.

Bubba  OH.

They call us those Dang Florida Boys now. :D :D :D


  

 

[Mooseherder]

A classic for sure. :D
The last I heard they call us Floridiots in Tenneessee.
And Halfbacks.  I'm sure a few other not so nice words.

[Bibbyman]

Sounds about like the exchange with the 911 service we had when Dad was having a major health episode.   My sister kept saying "Are you sending an ambulance? " only to be ignored and followed with more useless questions.  Finally a volunteer first responder showed up and ordered an ambulance.   The EMTs quickly diagnosed the problem and administered aid.  It took about a hour from the time we first call to 911 until the ambulance arrived. 

It wasn't a funny story.

Another run in with 911.  We had a street marker on the end of our road. Someone pulled up the post and broke off the sign and absconded with it. We called the country road maintenance department but were told we had to talk with 911.  Mary went to their office and was treated like we had destroyed the sign and then there was a question as to if we qualified for a sign on our road in the first place.

Long story long, it took four months and several conversations get the sign replaced.   I had put the post back in the ground. They had to drive out and measure the road to see if it qualified for a name despite the fact it had been named and marked with a sign for some 10 years!

Time for a 912 service!

[Warbird]

Awesome story, Raider.    Many years ago, I was a 911 dispatcher.  If anyone in our dispatch center at that time had ever treated a caller that way, they would've been fired.  Uh, no pun intended.  ;D

I've got a couple of 911 stories but they're not appropriate for a family board.

[clww]

GREAT story, Raider Bill! :D That sounds a lot like the property we bought, where the cabin is in Highland County, VA. My only saving grace is that I'm from up there, but it takes some getting used to (their local mind-set) after being gone for the last 25+ years.

Did the rental place come out and fix the dozer or ?

[sandhills]

That's classic, I guess that might be the best thing about living in a small town, if you don't know the address you just tell them who lives closest and to look for the smoke  :D.  We have 3 volunteer fire departments within 15 miles of us and there most generally will be somebody in each one who can drive straight to whatever location you come up with just by calling it a name.

[Roxie]

Raider Bill, I really enjoyed that story!   :D :D

[Magicman]

Thanks for the story Raider Bill, and I also noticed that this is the thread that Bibbyman made his first post in.   

[thecfarm]

Raider Bill,that is funny.And than some.
We had a forest fire here. The guy above calls it in. I was not living here,but was here cutting wood. The land and the fire is on the town line,Fayette and Chesterville. This was before 911 too. He calls up Chesterville,because that is the phone number he has,he lives in Chesterville. He tells them where the fire is and they say,oh,you need to call Fayette,that is not our area. The neighbor says,well by the time I get off the phone it will be in your area.  :D    All was good,both towns showed up.

[WildDog]

Bill that was a classic, spurs me on to put my fire extinguisher back in the work vehicle, I don't want to risk what you went through.

On our dirt road a couple of months back, I came across a car on fire with the drivers door open, I had my young son on board so parked a good distance from it. I called 000 (911) while walking towards the car to determine if there was any one in it. The fire was building and was getting hot and I had the phone to my ear, just as the 000 call lady said "The fire brigade is on the way" the car exploded, I yelled out #$@#*
As I was apologising and retreating approx 5 more smaller explosions went off. Appears the torching was  a domestic argument and accelerants were used.

[SwampDonkey]

The 911 experience is a little troubling, one can laugh at it now I suppose. But I got a kick out of the yankie driving the 'dozer all over creation making trails. :D Some woodlot roads round here, I think are the results of some fellow playing on a 'dozer making paths. No planning involved, just get out of the way. ;)

[Bibbyman]

Thanks for the story Raider Bill, and I also noticed that this is the thread that Bibbyman made his first post in.   :)

I'll have to go look.  Maybe so maybe not. Maybe first on the new Forum.

[Jeff]

It was, and it was about food. ;)

[Bibbyman]

It was, and it was about food. ;)

Yep, 

https://forestryforum.com/board/index.php/topic,27755.msg1808.html#msg1808

Good ol' Tom invited me over to visit a bit.

[thecfarm]

What a thread!!! I had to bookmark it. I only got to page 3. If I don't stop reading,I won't get outside until noon. That Tom can tell a story. And he has many.

[Raider Bill]

GREAT story, Raider Bill! :D That sounds a lot like the property we bought, where the cabin is in Highland County, VA. My only saving grace is that I'm from up there, but it takes some getting used to (their local mind-set) after being gone for the last 25+ years.


Did the rental place come out and fix the dozer or ?

I had bought the liability waiver but they still tried tell me fire wasn't included. In the end we got it worked out but that I couldn't rent from them any more.

The 911 experience is a little troubling, one can laugh at it now I suppose. But I got a kick out of the yankie driving the 'dozer all over creation making trails. :D Some woodlot roads round here, I think are the results of some fellow playing on a 'dozer making paths. No planning involved, just get out of the way. ;)

Is there any other way to put in trails? ;D I have perfected trail making now that I don't have a dozer and have to dodge the big trees with my Kubota FEL. ;D

[Texas Ranger]

Not to step on Bill's story:

Bill, you sure you weren't in Texas?  We were driving north on US59, going to Nachodoches to see my daughter in college.  Ran into a Texas gully washer, slow down, outside lane, and see head lights shining up from the woods off down the fill.  Obviously the car had hydroplaned and hit the woods, backwards.  Called 911 (here the story goes a little like yours)

911, what is your emergency

Me, we are on US 59 about 3 miles south of Nachodoches, about a quarter of a mile south of Grimes hardwood mill, there is a car hydroplaned off the road and in the trees.

911-Where?

I repeat

911 - what highway?

I repeat

911 - sir, there is no US59 in Louisiana

Me - Miss, I am in Texas, how did I get Louisiana 911?  Mean while, I am still driving north.

911 - sir, I dont know dial 911 again. Hang up

Me - dial 911

911 - what is your emergency

Me - story again

911 - sir, you just called me and I told you to call 911

Me - I did, could you find it in your heart to transfer me to a Texas 911?

911 - sir, you can just dial 911

me - I did, I get  you, call Texas.

911 - I will try, sir.

911 - what is  your emergency

Me - story

911 - where?

Me - south of Nachodoches

911 - sir, this is Houston 911.

Me - crap, lady, I have been on this phone for 10 minutes trying to get help for a wreck south of Nachodoches, Texas.  Please transfer me to some one in Lufkin or Nachodoches.

911 - Yes, sir

911 - what is your emergency

Me - story

911 - we have a wrecker on the way, and emt's

me- Thank you

911 - and your telephone number is (she gives me a Louisiana number)

me - yes, thank you

As we pull into Nachodoches fire rescue and ambulance going south.

A month later, on the same road, same place, a memorial is set up at the site.  One can only wonder, if the calls had worked, would the memorial not been there?

[Bibbyman]

'Nether 911 story. 

Mary just got back from making her Sunday morning milk and eggs run.  The big story was that his sons had been combinding barely in the field just south of us when their combine cought on fire.   They only had a water jug and was a 100 yards from the creek.  They called 911 and the volunteer fire department was dispatched.   Only problem was,  they kept missing the turnoff to the field.  The farmers could hear the trucks going up and down the road passing the turnoff.  It took them an hour to get there. 

One of my removed cousins was a volunteer firefighter.   He was on his way some place and got a call.  He ran all over the west side of the county looking for the fire. When he finally got turned around and found the fire on the east side of the country,  the residence looked familiar.   It waw his house!   A fire had started right after he left home.

[ElectricAl]

I was on a Volunteer Fire Department for 10 years. We covered 100 sq miles, 2 towns, plus all the farms.
Had 32 Fire Fighters, and 7 trucks for 2 stations.
Ran close to 200 calls a year.

During this time the Sherriff's Department had a male dispatcher that did not conduct him self in a acceptable manner while dispatching.
The Deputies put up with him, but it really upset the area Fire Services.

So our Department hatched a plan to get him removed.

Whenever the Dispatcher had his attitude going, we'd call the Sherriff on his private line and complain.
It took a couple weeks to get him off the radio, but we got our point across with around 40 phone calls.

All 911 calls are recorded. You can request a copy of your call.  When you make the request the department head will know about it and hopefully will investigate. 

[kwendt]

This is the funniest, most ironic thread ever. The 911 stories are funny but sad, though.

I'll add a story to resurrect this thread: I am the youngest of five kids, and one of my sisters is fairly gullible. My older sibs would sometimes take advantage of this, but never to harm and never premeditated. One day, (I was pretty young), my brother and a friend were fixing a piece of wood furniture that my sister (she's older like by 20 years, and off to work) needed fixed. Seems the problem was that the wood had dried and shrunk just enough so that one of the boards kept falling out, rendering the whole piece unusable (I don't remember what it actually was...I was really young).

Back in those days, we lived in a small town of like 450 people. Everyone, knew everyone... And no one could get away with nothing... Lol. There was one old time hardware store that carried lots of misc. supplies.

The boys measured the length needed, and took the board down to the hardware store. Where Mr. Xyz, the owner, helped them find a new board and stained it to match. They spent most of the day down there, having fun. Came back home, popped the new board in place, glued and screwed...and done.

My sister gets home from work. She says, "Wow! You fixed it that's terrific! How did you did you get that board to fit back in there and stay?"....

And without missing a beat, my brother tells her how easy it was, 'cause they just took the board down to "So-In-So's" (hardware store) and put it on the BOARD STRETCHER. All the rest of us instantly recognized that my brother was hatching a story and pulling her leg. So we backed him up by nodding 'yes', sho nuf that what we did, and all of added to the story with more crazy ad libs.

My sis is like, no way, no such thing! My brother keeps it up..inventing this long, technical process by which this special machine, the BOARD STRETCHER, can stretch a board 2" or even 3" longer! And eventually the conversation dies out with some laughter and how good the furniture looked...

But man, did we catch holy heck later. We all thought she realized we were kidding. She didn't.

About a couple months later when she was doing some other project, and needed about an inch more wood... She stopped by that hardware store and told them she wanted to use the BOARD STRETCHER.

Blank looks..."Honey, we never heard of a BOARD STRETCHER."

She insists that of course there is, that her brother was just down here getting a board stretched not that long ago and she explains the entire "board stretching process', the special BOARD STRETCHER machine, clamps, tension, wet the board, etc..... By now, there's a small crowd of townfolk all listening in. Finally Mr. Xyz explains to her there ain't no such thing... 

Well, the story was all over town in short order. My sis was some ticked at us....lol, but we truly didn't realize she actually believed it. Unfortunately, my grandparents (lived in same town)... Also heard the story as it made its rounds...  :'(

[thurlow]

kwendt's story reminded me of something I hadn't thought of in years.  We grew up as poor farmers in the mid-South and ate a LOT of wild game.....rabbits, squirrels, raccoons, quail, etc.  One of our favorite (breakfast) meals was fried frog legs.  From the time I was about 6-7, I went 'frog-gigging' with my dad once or twice a week for about 3 months each Spring.  When I got old enough to drive (13 or 14 years old), I'd collect a couple of my friends and we'd go........without my dad.  In '63, I started dating the girl I eventually married.....almost 49 years ago.  I was 19 and she was 16;  there wasn't a lot to do in our small town and I got the bright idea of carrying her frog-gigging;  talk about a cheap date.  Her dad was also a farmer, but he didn't hunt or fish or do any of those type things I'd grown up doing.  So.......we went frog-gigging;  we'd typically gig 20 or so.........enough for breakfast.  Came back to our house and cleaned them at the shop.  We always just cut their legs off and put the body........still alive........in a 5-gallon bucket and would throw them away the next morning.  She was CONCERNED that we didn't kill the frogs;  I explained that........just like tadpoles would grow new tails............the frogs would grow new legs.  She was somewhat skeptical, but bought it.  She asked her dad about it the next morning and he........thinking she was pulling his leg.........agreed that they would grow new legs;  it was a long time before she found out different;  she wasn't  particularly happy about it, but married me anyway.

[kwendt]

Thurlow! Eek! Lol.  : what a gal... You know, I look at my nieces and nephews and think they are just too citified , prissy, and lack common sense and/or manners. But then I read something like that... And Bill, and the Texas Ranger (and the really awesome guy who started the thread who is gone)... And I start to think... Golly! IM THE ONE WHO IS CITIFIED,  :D I love reading all these stories, I really do... 🍻🍻 I'm pullin up a chair.... More stories please!

[pineywoods]

Kwendt, you need to visit Tom's web site. Click on Tom's user name anywhere on the forum. that will take you to his profile. In there is a link to Tom's web site. As you have already discovered, Tom was a masterful story teller. think he called them allegories or something like that. My favorite is the story of the possum sandwich..Most of the older ff members are quite fond of the "can o Peas"...