Top Ten Things to Tell Customers what NOT to Do With the Wood They Buy

[Southside]

Thursday afternoon a guy pulls in with a load of #3 common (at best), random length, random width, red oak he bought from another mill, lots of great character - carpenter ant tunnels, pith throughout it, beautiful holes where knots were - you get the image.  Can I make it into flooring for him, all one size, don't waste too much because he needs every last square inch.. ???  Oh - and can I have it ready for tomorrow, say by 5:00?  Dead stacked, green, been sitting out in the rain.... :  Where do I begin?

[clww]

So, did you tell him, "Sure thing! It'll be ready by noon"? :D :D

[Cedarman]

You might have said "If I could have it ready by tomorrow, I could be in Vegas being a star doing magic tricks"

[sawguy21]

If you were that good you wouldn't have to work for a living. :D That is a good one. Yellowhammer, people like that astound me, trouble is they reproduce and vote.

[YellowHammer]

Southside, I've had some similar to that and I always tell them I can have it ready now if they will swing by our burn pile, throw their junk into the flames, and then just back up to our building.  We will load him on the spot with our wood, and oh yeah, "Will that be cash or card?" :D

[PA_Walnut]

Then he says that he had already cut it all into little 6"x6" squares.   We were astounded.  So nope, sorry.

There is just no explaining crazy. What was he "staining" it with? Hard maple takes aniline dye really well. Apparently he needs to do more Google work! :D

[Brad_bb]

So he's cut it all up into what is now essentially firewood, and he wants his money back?  I'll bet he goes to the grocery store, buys food, goes home and eats it, then returns the packaging wanting a full refund.

[sawguy21]

An acquaintance, a retired building contractor, was telling us about a customer who wanted a particular expensive cedar for her kitchen cabinets. He went in some months after the house was finished to do a minor warranty repair, she had painted them Pepto-Bismo pink!!! He said he almost lost his lunch.

[red]

I was searching for something else and came across this posting . . it needs to be read again and again 

[WV Sawmiller]

  It brings to mind to me a use for sawdust and another product for Tom to build and market.

    Out beside our lumber storage areas we can all use some of our sawdust to make fake graveyards with little grave sized mounds and at the head of each have an old Western Style wooden grave marker (Tom - this is your chance) with a made up name and death date routed in and one of these questions as an epitaph showing why they are there.

[Stephen1]

It is a great read with a lot of  laughs .

[YellowHammer]

I read it again, and years later, it still is happening.  Just today "I wonder if this 10 foot long board will fit in my car?" And "Do you have any tweezers?" And the guy who literally parked in front of the Porta Potti comes over and asks if we have a Porta Potti. 

[cutterboy]

I never saw this the first time so I'm happy it came around again.

[Magicman]

Actually happened during my first year of sawing when I was selling lumber:

He left the tailgate up, opened the sliding rear window, eased the boards in, and rested them on the dash.  Never even made it out of the drive before "it" happened. 

[thecfarm]

What a thread!!!!

[Old Greenhorn]

I guess this will fit in here as well as anywhere. Nearly 3 years ago I was commissioned to build a picnic table for one of Bill's clients. He had given them a price before he spoke with me and the client wound up getting quite the deal because of our mistake. It should have been a $2,500 job. 2-3/4" white oak slab table, 9' long with Riteleg picnic table legs.



Trust me, it looks a lot better in person than in the photo, it came out gorgeous and I busted my butt on it. 4 coats of oil based poly with sanding between all coats, top and bottom. It weighed nearly 400 pounds.
 I gave the new owners care and feeding instructions to keep it looking new and told them to call me if the finish started to degrade and not wait until the weather really attacked it. They were extremely pleased with it.

 So last night I am hanging out in Bill's kitchen and I happened to think about that table, so I asked him if he had seen it lately and how the finish was holding up. He looked at the floor, then he looked at the ceiling, then he looked at me and said "She's an idiot, last year she decided she wanted a 'different look' so she sanded it down and whitewashed it. I am no longer doing business with those folks for a lot of reasons and that is just one."

 You can't fix stupid.