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sawmilling jokes

Started by lyle niemi, October 04, 2012, 08:16:40 AM

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Jim_Rogers

#25
October 05, 2012, 12:06:47 PM
I might get sent to the woodshed for this one, but.

I was standing at the landing with the log truck driver when a very thin girl jogged down the street by us.

We both watched her run by.

He said: "she's a carpenter's dream."

I said: "what's that?"

He said: "flat as board."
Whatever you do, have fun doing it!
Woodmizer 1994 LT30HDG24 with 6' Bed Extension

lyle niemi

#26
October 05, 2012, 12:29:54 PM
Quote from: Jim_Rogers on October 05, 2012, 12:06:47 PM
I might get sent to the woodshed for this one, but.

I was standing at the landing with the log truck driver when a very thin girl jogged down the street by us.

We both watched her run by.

He said: "she's a carpenter's dream."

I said: "what's that?"

He said: "flat as board."
I could add more to that one but I best not, we would be splittin wood together...lol

Jim_Rogers

#27
October 05, 2012, 01:29:31 PM
Yes, there is a second part to the punch line but I think it's woodshed material....
Whatever you do, have fun doing it!
Woodmizer 1994 LT30HDG24 with 6' Bed Extension

ely

#28
October 05, 2012, 01:30:19 PM
so far its a toss up between #18 and 19.... they are funny.

Brian_Rhoad

#29
October 05, 2012, 02:13:21 PM
How do you make a million dollars with a sawmill?

Start with 2 million!!   :o

hackberry jake

#30
October 05, 2012, 03:51:57 PM
A Mexican, a Jamaican, and a sawyer walk into a bar. The Mexican says "I'll have a corona". The Jamaican says "I'll have a red stripe". The sawyer says "who would build a bar out of mdf? I would've used maple"
https://www.facebook.com/TripleTreeWoodworks

EZ Boardwalk Jr. With 20hp Honda, 25' of track, and homemade setworks. 32x18 sawshed. 24x40 insulated shop. 30hp kubota with fel. 1978 Massey ferguson 230.

lyle niemi

#31
October 05, 2012, 05:28:08 PM
I had a hard time keepin the sawmill power unit steering straight today, dont know whats goin on, Im not as think as you drunk I am..lol

 

dchiapin

#32
October 05, 2012, 07:41:15 PM
how can you tell you are sawing dogwood?
By the bark!

hackberry jake

#33
October 05, 2012, 08:42:01 PM
Quote from: dchiapin on October 05, 2012, 07:41:15 PM
how can you tell you are sawing dogwood?
By the bark!

:D
https://www.facebook.com/TripleTreeWoodworks

EZ Boardwalk Jr. With 20hp Honda, 25' of track, and homemade setworks. 32x18 sawshed. 24x40 insulated shop. 30hp kubota with fel. 1978 Massey ferguson 230.

POSTON WIDEHEAD

#34
October 05, 2012, 08:43:18 PM
Quote from: hackberry jake on October 05, 2012, 08:42:01 PM
Quote from: dchiapin on October 05, 2012, 07:41:15 PM
how can you tell you are sawing dogwood?
By the bark!

:D

This one is pretty good.  ;D
The older I get I wish my body could Re-Gen.

caveman

#35
October 05, 2012, 09:38:02 PM
I will go out on a limb...and assume the bark on a dogwood tree is RUFF.
Caveman

Okrafarmer

#36
October 06, 2012, 01:05:10 AM
Quote from: caveman on October 05, 2012, 09:38:02 PM
I will go out on a limb...and assume the bark on a dogwood tree is RUFF.

You're barking up the right tree there.
He that dwelleth in the secret place of the most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty. Psalm 91:1

Operating a 2020 Woodmizer LT35 hydraulic for Upcountry Sawmill, Dacusville, SC

Now selling Logrite tools!

Writing fiction and nonfiction! Check my website.

Okrafarmer

#37
October 06, 2012, 01:10:40 AM
Wife: Honey, can you stop thinking about sawmilling, long enough to eat your supper? Can't you just leave it all at the door when you come home?
Husband: What makes you think I'm thinking about sawmilling?
Wife: Only that you just slabbed and quarter-sawed your hot dog.
He that dwelleth in the secret place of the most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty. Psalm 91:1

Operating a 2020 Woodmizer LT35 hydraulic for Upcountry Sawmill, Dacusville, SC

Now selling Logrite tools!

Writing fiction and nonfiction! Check my website.

Woodchuck53

#38
October 06, 2012, 01:14:22 AM
Those are great guys. I'm a part time sawyer and board. But then i am at my day job. phew we!!
Case 1030 w/ Ford FEL, NH 3930 w/Ford FEL, Ford 801 backhoe/loader, TMC 4000# forklift, Stihl 090G-60" bar, 039AV, and 038, Corley 52" circle saw, 15" AMT planer Corley edger, F-350 1 ton, Ford 8000, 20' deck for loader and hauling, F-800 40' bucket truck, C60 Chevy 6 yd. dump truck.

lyle niemi

#39
October 06, 2012, 08:08:45 AM
Quote from: Okrafarmer on October 06, 2012, 01:10:40 AM
Wife: Honey, can you stop thinking about sawmilling, long enough to eat your supper? Can't you just leave it all at the door when you come home?
Husband: What makes you think I'm thinking about sawmilling?
Wife: Only that you just slabbed and quarter-sawed your hot dog.
LOL Thats a gooder!

caveman

#40
October 06, 2012, 02:59:07 PM
This may be more appropriate for the dendrology section.  How do you tell a Pignut Hickory from a Mockernut Hickory? 
Caveman

Tom L

#41
October 06, 2012, 03:16:55 PM
luigi and guesseppi are going thru customs at ellis island

luigi is first to see customs

customs: what do you do for a living,

luigi: I ama a pilot

customs: great we need pilots here in the USA, please go thru

next up is gueseppi

customs: what do you do for a living

guesseppi: Ima runa a sawmill ina italy

customs: sorry we have to many sawmill operators here in the USA, access denied

guesseppi: butta you leta my brutha luigi in

customs: he said he was a pilot

guesseppi:yes he is a pilot, I cuta the wood, and luigi he pilot

1woodguy

#42
October 07, 2012, 11:15:53 PM
Luigi he pilot.  That cracked me up!
Experience is a rough teacher first you get the test later comes the lesson!

LorenB

#43
October 21, 2012, 11:22:18 PM
Quote from: Tom L on October 06, 2012, 03:16:55 PM
guesseppi:yes he is a pilot, I cuta the wood, and luigi he pilot

Hey, wait a minute there.  I pilot AND cuta the wood. 

– Loren
Loren
Baker 3667D portable sawmill, Cook's edger, Logrite arches & peaveys.  Husky 272XP chainsaw & two Echos.

Satamax

#44
October 22, 2012, 01:29:26 AM
It's not a real joke, but the title of this one cracks me out every time.

https://forestryforum.com/board/index.php/topic,51806.0.html
French CD4 sawmill. Latil TL 73. Self moving hydraulic crane. Iveco daily 4x4 lwb dead as of 06/2020. Replaced by a Brimont TL80 CSA.

Okrafarmer

#45
October 22, 2012, 09:05:06 AM
I thought the boring customs thread was going to be about dull traditions.
He that dwelleth in the secret place of the most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty. Psalm 91:1

Operating a 2020 Woodmizer LT35 hydraulic for Upcountry Sawmill, Dacusville, SC

Now selling Logrite tools!

Writing fiction and nonfiction! Check my website.

Dodgy Loner

#46
October 22, 2012, 10:52:20 AM
Fooled ya! I probably got more people to click on it than if I had titled it "custom boring". :D
"There is hardly anything in the world that some man cannot make a little worse and sell a little cheaper, and the people who consider price only are this man's lawful prey." -John Ruskin

Any idiot can write a woodworking blog. Here's mine.

Solomon

#47
October 23, 2012, 08:47:51 AM
Dang!  I cut this board three times and it's still to short.  Gonna have to cut it again!
Time and Money,  If you have the one, you rarely have the other.

The Path to Salvation is narrow, and the path to damnnation is wide.

Chuck White

#48
October 23, 2012, 09:23:21 AM
Question: What happened when the sawyer got to the center of the log?

Answer:  He got pith on his blade!   ;)


~Chuck~  Cooks Cat Claw sharpener and single tooth setter.  2018 Chevy Silverado and 2021 Subaru Ascent.
With basic mechanical skills and the ability to read you can maintain a Woodmizer  LT40!

Okrafarmer

#49
October 23, 2012, 11:39:41 PM
What do sawyers wear to protect their head?
He that dwelleth in the secret place of the most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty. Psalm 91:1

Operating a 2020 Woodmizer LT35 hydraulic for Upcountry Sawmill, Dacusville, SC

Now selling Logrite tools!

Writing fiction and nonfiction! Check my website.
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