sawmilling jokes

[Ernie]

I might get sent to the woodshed for this one, but.

I was standing at the landing with the log truck driver when a very thin girl jogged down the street by us.

We both watched her run by.

He said: "she's a carpenter's dream."

I said: "what's that?"

He said: "flat as board."

Wasn't it because she was a perfect "36" -- 12 12 12

[Delawhere Jack]

You could turn that pith helmet upside down and use it for a pith pot.

I think it would LEAK...... ;D

[hackberry jake]

You might be a sawyer if:

1.you hear the word holly and don't think about a woman
2. You hear the word maple and don't think about pancakes
3. You hear the word pitch and don't think about baseball
4. Every measurement you take is in quarter inches
5. Your wife washes her clothes with yours and ends up with sawdust in HER pockets.

[Okrafarmer]

Q.  What is one of the stronger boards which can be cut out of an Apple log?

no one needs to wait and wonder....

A. An i-beam   

What do you call a big apple beam lying on your sawmill?

I-Cant

[gandrimp]

You might be a sawyer if:
5. Your wife washes her clothes with yours and ends up with sawdust in HER pockets.

That thars funny!

[Woodchuck53]

Of course Tom Sawyer was a sawmiller. He talked someone else into painting his fence.

[Okrafarmer]

What happened when Benny Goodman tried to invent a new kind of portable sawmill?

The world just wasn't ready for a swing-band.

I guess either this went over everyone's head, or it just wasn't worthy of a comment.  :-\

[Woodchuck53]

I got it and can appreciate it. Chuck

[hackberry jake]

There was one in the Internet and fun stuff category I thought was funny. A man was involved in a saw milling accident. It sawed off the left side of his body. He's all right now

[paul case]

I thought that one was worth repeating as well. Too funny!!! PC

[Okrafarmer]

What's the sawmilling capital of Ohio?
Canton.

Any other sawmilling capitals we should know about?

[Jim_Rogers]

Everyday or just about everyday the Boston radio station I listen to does an episode of "Men from Maine." Making fun of the backwards ways of the men from Maine.

Some of them involve the them working at a sawmill and the events that happen at the sawmill.

One of my favorites is when one guy calls the other guy about an accident at the sawmill that day.

Lem tells Ephus that one of the fellow working at the sawmill had his hand cut off by the saw.

Ephus asks what did they do.

Lem says they put his hand in a plastic bag put it on ice and took him to the hospital. The doctors there were able so sew it back on and he'll be fine.

Ephus says the miracles of modern medicine are amazing.

Next day, Lem calls Ephus again and tell him they had another accident at the sawmill.
Ephus asks what happen.
Lem said one of the guys fell down while walking past the saw and had his foot cut off.
And that they put it in a plastic bag, put it on ice, and took him to the hospital. The doctors there were able to sew it back on and he'll be fine.

Ephus says the miracles of modern medicine are amazing.

Third day, Lem calls Ephus again and tells him they had a third accident at the sawmill.
Ephus asks what happen.
Lem says the sawyer fell over and the saw cut his head off.

Ephus says that's terrible. And then he says, I know, I know, you guys put his head in a plastic bag, put it on ice and took him to the hospital. And the doctors there were able to sew his head back on and he'll be fine.

Lem says, NO, he's dead.

Ephus says well what happened?
Lem says you know you can't breath with a plastic bag over your head, he suffocated on the way to the hospital. ;D

Jim Rogers

[swampbuggy]

Priceless... ;D ;D :D :D :D 8) 8) 8) 8)

[Jim_Rogers]

One day Lem walks into the sawmill and there's Ephus hanging from a beam over the saw by the back of his knees.

Lem hollers up to Ephus, "what are you doing up there?"

Ephus hollers back, "look Lem; I'm a light bulb......!"

Lem tells him to come on down.

After Ephus comes down Lem escorts him out of the sawmill, to the parking lot.

And says, "you need to go home today....."

Ephus sees that Lem is walking out too, and asked: "where are you going?"

Lem says: "do you think I'm going to work in the dark?".....

[Magicman]

Them Maine boys need some Grits....badly.  It's brain food.   

[Okrafarmer]

Them Maine boys need some Grits....badly.  It's brain food.   

The best ones find their way out of the maze eventually. . . .  :

[bandmiller2]

My favorite is Ephus had a state dairy inspector out to check his milkroom.Inspector said you need a cement floor,Ephis said, I showed him grabbed my shovel and dug through 8" of sawdust and manure and sure enough cement floor. Frank C.

[GeneWengert-WoodDoc]

I got paid on Friday, the first week of my new job as a sawyer.  I went out with the boys and when I got home on Saturday, I had spent my entire paycheck.  My wife nagged me about this for a couple of hours.  Finally she said " How would you like it if you didn't see me for a few days?"  I answered "Sounds ok to me."

I didn't see her Sunday, or Monday or Tuesday.  Finally, on Wednesday the swelling started to go down and I saw her out of the corner of my eye.

[Woodchuck53]

I knew that was coming, did it do any permenent eye damage?

[hackberry jake]

Not quite a joke, but it made me chuckle. I was watching the pictures on the home screen of the ff and one of them is of two men. One of the men is hugging a tree, and the other one has a puzzled look on his face holding what appears to be an adult beverage. I just thought that was funny.  :D

[Okrafarmer]

Not quite a joke, but it made me chuckle. I was watching the pictures on the home screen of the ff and one of them is of two men. One of the men is hugging a tree, and the other one has a puzzled look on his face holding what appears to be an adult beverage. I just thought that was funny.  :D

Was it anybody you recognized?
I should hate to speculate who it might be. . . .
I never see the home screen of the FF, since I have the FF bookmarked at the main forum page.  ;)

[hackberry jake]

I didnt recognize them, but then again most of you guys are just names in my head. Just put www.forestryforum.com in the browser window. Its the last pic I believe.

[WDH]

Is it a maple  ???   :D.

[thecfarm]

Thanks Jake,I never noticed that before. Just click onto the last dote.

[4x4American]

Everyday or just about everyday the Boston radio station I listen to does an episode of "Men from Maine." Making fun of the backwards ways of the men from Maine.

Some of them involve the them working at a sawmill and the events that happen at the sawmill.

One of my favorites is when one guy calls the other guy about an accident at the sawmill that day.

Lem tells Ephus that one of the fellow working at the sawmill had his hand cut off by the saw.

Ephus asks what did they do.

Lem says they put his hand in a plastic bag put it on ice and took him to the hospital. The doctors there were able so sew it back on and he'll be fine.

Ephus says the miracles of modern medicine are amazing.

Next day, Lem calls Ephus again and tell him they had another accident at the sawmill.
Ephus asks what happen.
Lem said one of the guys fell down while walking past the saw and had his foot cut off.
And that they put it in a plastic bag, put it on ice, and took him to the hospital. The doctors there were able to sew it back on and he'll be fine.

Ephus says the miracles of modern medicine are amazing.

Third day, Lem calls Ephus again and tells him they had a third accident at the sawmill.
Ephus asks what happen.
Lem says the sawyer fell over and the saw cut his head off.

Ephus says that's terrible. And then he says, I know, I know, you guys put his head in a plastic bag, put it on ice and took him to the hospital. And the doctors there were able to sew his head back on and he'll be fine.

Lem says, NO, he's dead.

Ephus says well what happened?
Lem says you know you can't breath with a plastic bag over your head, he suffocated on the way to the hospital. ;D

Jim Rogers

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SkH1atRYoSk