My Mom died Friday, funeral home says we can't have a funeral

Sedgehammer · October 26, 2020, 11:52:27 AM

I'm moving this from the covid thread in health. As I didn't want to derail that thread, it was just relating what the funeral home was saying and Sam had posted something that's too long to get into in that thread.

My mom died Friday afternoon, not from covid. She was 80. Smoked a lot till about 8 years ago, Had a triple by-pass 7, never felt right afterwards. The funeral home is telling us the state (wi) is telling them that they can't have a funeral, as there's a local outbreak, but of course when pressed on numbers, they won't say.

Quote from: doc henderson on Sun Oct 25 2020 19:49:45 GMT-0500 (Central Daylight Time)
Very sorry to hear that Sedge.

Thanks Doc. We knew it was coming, but at least we don't think she suffered. My brother in law came home from work and he found her slumped over in her chair. Tried CPR and called 911, but she had gone already.

Quote from: samandothers on Mon Oct 26 2020 10:00:43 GMT-0500 (Central Daylight Time)
Sorry to hear of your loss. It is difficult I imagine to not be able to gather with family and grieve and comfort one another.

hedgerow · October 26, 2020, 12:17:16 PM

Sedgehammer. Sorry for your loss. My wife's last aunt passed away a couple weeks ago a non covid death also. A funeral or viewing wasn't allowed. Only a short grave side service of only close family with mask and every one six feet apart.

Sedgehammer · October 26, 2020, 12:29:51 PM

@samandothers I wish it was that way Sam. Family can be really cruel. I haven't talked to several of my family members in years. Some decades. They don't like me much or even my wife and little kids.

My family has cost me in direct payments, businesses given and lost revenue from patents that they took the money for filling them over $15 million conservatively and some of them will tell you to my face that i owe them money.

My one brother who got the family farm, I gave him and his wife nearly $100K when they were farming to help them out, plus 1,000's of hours of free labor and gave him a business after he sold his farm that wood generate $150k a year, he ran it into the ground. They stayed in my 4,300 sq ft house in WI rent free for over 2 years and at every family gettogether she (sister in law) keeps telling the 'family' how much I owe them and how i cheated them.

The other brother I gave him $60k to do the patent work on a piece of equipment I built had designed. He had a good friend that had several patents at the time and they were going to do all the work to get it done. I needed drawings and stuff like that and my brother was good at it, so.... Well he spent it on a get rich quick scheme. Plus i left him with a business that generated over a million the year before. He went bankrupt in a little over a year. I gave him $350k for some land investment, he lost that also. plus I still help him out from time to time when he gets in a bind. He's the one that does the SketchUp drawings of the things I posted here. We still get along, even though. Plus there are several smaller things.

Then there's my sister. Well i married her husbands only sister. Was my starter marriage. Well caught her in bed with another guy 3 kids and 4 years later. I got full custody, so I can't go around their place anymore.

That's just my direct family.....

I know some of you'll ask why. yeah, I ask myself that also. Only thing I can directly say is my family was everything to me. You need something, use whatever you need. I just always thought it went both ways. My house in WI when I built it is was made big for family get togethers. I put in a volleyball pit, basketball court, pond for fishing. House had 2 kitchens. Then when I'd set up a party, they wouldn't come. I could never figure it out. well my wife says she thinks it's jealousy and that's why they treat her and our kids the way they do. Also I'm the youngest boy. I looked up to my older brothers. Especially the youngest one. He was a stud in sports, straight a's in school, voted best lookin guy in his class, had women falling all over him...... anyways, my fault in the end.

I'll miss my mom. We were close. I was about the only one that wood call her on a regular basis. I have a voicemail of her from a year ago. I'll keep that as long as i can. I prefer to have the memory of her alive. plus I don't care to have a bunch of fake BS warm feelings that will be gone the moment the people leave, so I'd not go to the funeral anyways. When my dad died in 89 I was in Oregon. They gave me 2 days to get home and if I didn't make it, they weren't delaying the funeral. Said it wood be too close to CHRISTmas. He died on the 12th. I drove through a blizzard in the mountains and was driving 90 mph to catch up and just made it in time. Weird part was they weren't very close to him, we were like best friends.

That's enough of a rant for now. I just wish people weren't so mean and cruel.

Sedgehammer · October 26, 2020, 03:18:15 PM

Quote from: hedgerow on October 26, 2020, 12:17:16 PM
Sedgehammer. Sorry for your loss. My wife's last aunt passed away a couple weeks ago a non covid death also. A funeral or viewing wasn't allowed. Only a short grave side service of only close family with mask and every one six feet apart.

Thanks Hedge. This is really affecting families in so many ways. None good.

Walnut Beast · October 26, 2020, 04:04:44 PM

My Condolences

Sedgehammer · October 26, 2020, 04:25:57 PM

Quote from: Walnut Beast on October 26, 2020, 04:04:44 PM
My Condolences

Thanks, appreciate it we does!

Chuck White · October 26, 2020, 06:21:52 PM

Sorry for your loss Sedgehammer.

Sedgehammer · October 26, 2020, 06:26:16 PM

Quote from: Chuck White on October 26, 2020, 06:21:52 PM
Sorry for your loss Sedgehammer.

Appreciate that Chuck, I do, I do!

dgdrls · October 26, 2020, 06:31:46 PM

My condolences on the loss of your Mom,

thoughts and prayers,

Dan

Patrick NC · October 26, 2020, 06:50:39 PM

Sorry for your loss.

A-z farmer · October 26, 2020, 06:57:51 PM

Sorry for the loss of your mom sedgehammer.It is sad but family really knowhow push buttons .But you have a very big family here on the forestry forum and we have your back.

Sedgehammer · October 26, 2020, 07:11:40 PM

Quote from: A-z farmer on October 26, 2020, 06:57:51 PM
Sorry for the loss of your mom sedgehammer.It is sad but family really knowhow push buttons .But you have a very big family here on the forestry forum and we have your back.

Quote from: dgdrls on October 26, 2020, 06:31:46 PM
My condolences on the loss of your Mom,

thoughts and prayers,

Dan

Quote from: Patrick NC on October 26, 2020, 06:50:39 PM
Sorry for your loss.

Thanks guys! Yeah family can he hard. I dunno why, but they sure is.
I do like the people on this forum the most of any of the other forums I've been on. I think it's the work ethic that comes with working in nature and hard for yourself and if not for yourself, you still get the common sense and that oozes from this forum's monitor ink.

WV Sawmiller · October 26, 2020, 09:18:25 PM

Hammer,

My heart goes out to you in this time of trial made worse by the pandemic and other issues you mention. We just lost my wife's oldest brother this month but fortunately we were able to go to a small memorial service. I hope there can be healing during this time of loss.

Don P · October 26, 2020, 10:24:55 PM

I'm sorry for your loss, these times can make it so much harder. We've been unable to be with friends in grief during this and it is tough. I hope your family can find peace.

Southside · October 26, 2020, 10:26:22 PM

Sedge, sorry to hear this news. I had an uncle who passed earlier in the year in California and no services were allowed for him either.

samandothers · October 26, 2020, 11:07:22 PM

Sorry your family have acted the way they have. Glad you had a good relationship with your mom and hope those happy memories will bring you some comfort.

Stephen1 · October 26, 2020, 11:19:03 PM

Thoughts and prayers as you go through these times. Remeber the good of your Mother and the family.

mike_belben · October 27, 2020, 07:37:41 AM

I can relate sedge. My father and grandmother raised me. Back in august massachusetts put in a travel ban that prevented me and the kids from going up to a wedding i was in, and seeing her for the last time. She would have been proud to see what shed be leaving behind. passed on 2 mondays ago at 96, God bless her.

May our loved ones all rest in peace.

51cub · October 27, 2020, 07:45:35 AM

So sorry to hear about your loss

Sedgehammer · October 27, 2020, 07:50:27 AM

Thanks Sawmiller, Don, South, Sam, Stephen, Mike, 51cub.

luckily we still hang with friends down here. It's slowly spreading and life has pretty much returned to normal here for the most part. Yesterday it was .6% DOD

For you guys that smoke, please stop. I know it's hard, but it's gonna get you. she most likely would've still been here if it wasn't for that.

WV Sawmiller · October 27, 2020, 10:20:21 AM

Hammer.

That's what got my BIL. It took my dad's larynx and the last 15-18 years of his life he just had to write notes as he could not talk or use the devices to talk (They worked a few years then he got scar tissue in his throat). I think of how proud he would have been to see the man and woman my kids have become and their kids. He was smoking 3-4 packs a day till the throat cancer hit.

Sedgehammer · October 27, 2020, 10:33:51 AM

Quote from: WV Sawmiller on October 27, 2020, 10:20:21 AM
Hammer.

That's what got my BIL. It took my dad's larynx and the last 15-18 years of his life he just had to write notes as he could not talk or use the devices to talk (They worked a few years then he got scar tissue in his throat). I think of how proud he would have been to see the man and woman my kids have become and their kids. He was smoking 3-4 packs a day till the throat cancer hit.

Sad. we're all gonna go, but it sure don't need to be like that or extra early..... As John Wayne said "life's hard. It's even harder when you're stupid".

Bruno of NH · October 27, 2020, 07:32:46 PM

Sorry for your loss.
It's even harder with the family issues.
Even though I haven't met everyone on the FF I consider them like family.
Like Zeke says we are here for ya.

Sedgehammer · October 27, 2020, 09:28:49 PM

Quote from: Bruno of NH on October 27, 2020, 07:32:46 PM
Sorry for your loss.
It's even harder with the family issues.
Even though I haven't met everyone on the FF I consider them like family.
Like Zeke says we are here for ya.

Awesome. Thanks!

Sedgehammer · October 28, 2020, 02:22:21 AM

I just remembered something as a kid. First time my family was mean to me that I can remember.

I was 5 or 6. My dad kept me out of school to go with him and my mom to farmer appreciation day at a local Case dealership. They had a drawing for some gifts. I was the only kid, so they had me pull the names out of one of those things you turn that is a cage. I think my dad got a grease gun. Well at the end they gave me a 1370 Case with duals and a cab toy tractor. I didn't really care for real case tractors, but I sure was proud of that. That was in the winter. I remember the cold and snow. So I might have been 6. Well anyways that summer I had a play area in the dirt right next to the granary. The granary was up on a rock foundation, but had gaps. One of these gaps was my shed. it was also near the gas and diesel fuel pumps, so the ground was bare. I had that tractor 'plowing' on the outside edge of the fuel tank area. My uncle came over from his farm right next door to borrow a piece of equipment (the haybine I think) with the Super MTA. I was under the granary when he pulled in, so he didn't see me. I watched as he was driving past where i was playing and he turned last minute to move over 5' to run over my tractor and then I saw a grin on his face. That *pithed me off.